Shauna's Sisters

When we think about boundaries, this could mean several things. If we own a home, we have boundaries that show what is our lot versus what is our neighbors. If you own a pet, you may have an electric fence or some other fencing that is up showing the pet the boundaries of where they can and cannot go or keeping the pet safely within the confines of your yard. If you have small children, putting up a fence also keeps them safe within the confines of your yard. Boundaries are put up to provide us safety. Boundaries are put up to show what we have control over. It is also equally important in life to have boundaries with people. I have a horrible time with setting boundaries and have been told this by several different counselors I have seen over the years. I let people take advantage of me. I do this for several reasons really. I struggle to tell people no because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I do too much for some people because I want them to like me. I let people say whatever they want and hurt me because they hold positions in my life that I have been taught to respect and that they hold authority. Anybody feeling me today?

I love the serenity prayer that says “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” We are powerless to change people. I’m sure by now if you have lived very long you know that to be true. I struggle enough to change myself. It’s hard to get healthy and lose weight. It’s hard to learn to say no. It’s hard to change my mindset. It’s hard to deal with things about myself that I need to change. That should be proof enough that if we struggle to change ourselves, we for sure are not going to change anybody else. In the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, they state that we need to clarify our boundaries. They say it like this “In other words, God, clarify my boundaries! You can work on submitting yourself to the process and working with God to change you. You cannot change anything else; not the weather, the past, the economy – and especially not other people. You cannot change others. More people suffer from trying to change others than from any other sickness. And it is impossible.” Do you think that it’s possible that we don’t set boundaries because it’s easier when we know deep down we’re not going to change someone so why even go through the pain of setting those boundaries? If we don’t set the boundaries, we won’t have to deal with the backlash. However, we then suffer.

Why is it so hard to set boundaries and say no? Why is it so hard to be able to tell our friends, thank you for the invitation, but I don’t want to attend? Why is it so hard to tell our family, it’s not okay for you to treat me this way, I’m going to have to love you from a distance? Why is it so hard to say you can no longer hurt me and to make sure that happens, I cannot be in your life? I believe for me, and probably many others, it’s fear. It’s fear of somebody not liking me. It’s fear of somebody thinking I am selfish. It’s fear of not receiving love. Its fear of not keeping love. What we do though when we cannot set these boundaries is set ourselves up for torment and sleepless nights, unrest and manipulation, and that is not okay! We make ourselves prisoners and that is not okay! It’s not only possible, but okay to set rules and boundaries and stand up for ourselves without hurting people. If they choose not to respect the boundaries, maybe they don’t need to be an active part of our lives and that is perfectly fine! Life is too short to not live with peace and joy in our hearts.

Please don’t think I am the expert on this subject because let me tell you, I am knee deep in the middle of this right now. Even though I have had professionals and friends and family all tell me I have to set boundaries with people, I have not implemented them in my life. You see, I have this little problem called people-pleasing. I’m not going to go into the million things throughout my life that has cultivated me being this way. For the sake of this today, just some background. Hello my name is Shauna and I am a people-pleaser! This causes some real challenges for me in setting boundaries. So therefore, I don’t set them and I am at 45 years old letting people manipulate me and cause me some pretty severe pain right now.

I have a family member who has some severe issues they choose not to deal with so their issues get taken out on whoever will allow them. For the past couple years this person has been me. The past year and even just the past 6 months, things have gotten increasingly ugly and has affected me in some pretty deep and dark ways. It has caused some severe depression and anxiety within me. It has affected my marriage, ruined holidays and caused some very dark days. People have told me until they’re blue in the face you have to stop that, and I know it, but it’s so incredibly hard for me. To some people the solution seems so easy and trust me, I wish it were this easy for me. After an incident yesterday on Father’s Day, I realized, I can no longer go on like this and some clear and concise boundaries are going to have to be set or I am literally going to lose my mind. It is not fair that this person puts their anger and hurt on me, but I am the one letting them. If I don’t let them, they will have to deal with their own issues. They’re not my issues to pick up and deal with it so why do I?

You see, when you’re a caregiver and a helper, you tend to take on everybody’s stuff around you. What we fail to realize is how unhealthy this is on us. It is possible to be a caregiver and a helper and still not take on everybody’s dog do do! It is possible to be a caregiver and a helper and love people but in healthy ways. So hear me out today. If you find yourself in a position like I do, choose to forgive and then love and set those clear and healthy boundaries. People will get angry with us. People will fight back. People probably won’t like us, but we deserve peace too! We must take care of ourselves! We must love ourselves enough to know we deserve better and that is okay!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Why is it in life that it feels like everything hits at one time? When it rains, it pours. There’s a storm, sometimes a tsunami. I wish I knew why, but unfortunately, it seems it does. My heart has been heavy this week. My husband is stressed right now, I have friends dealing with stressful situations, I have two family situations that seriously feel like they’re going to get the best of me, the world is in chaos, people I know are dealing with serious sicknesses, Fathers Day is coming up and that’s difficult for some people. You get the point and I am sure others are feeling heavy today as well. During this time it seems tiredness is ever looming even though you may be getting plenty of sleep, exercising and trying to take care of yourself. We get mentally exhausted and we need to realize this is something we need to take care of as well.

We all have these seasons of life. It’s inevitable, we can’t always be living on the mountaintop or on a bed of roses. It’s during these tough times that we really see what we’re made of. It’s during these tough times that our courage and character are tested and built. When life is good, we tend to not work as hard or try as hard. I’m not going to lie, I don’t like these seasons. Right now, running sounds like a great idea, but I know that running won’t solve anything. When things are left un-dealt with, they tend to rear their ugly heads. Over and over and over!

So how do we get through these times? Very carefully! Very intentionally! I read today that there’s a tremendous difference between having conflict and it having you. That’s so true; yet so hard to not let it take over our thoughts and cause depression and anxiety and frustration and sometimes anger. It’s so hard to not sit down in a corner and cry. It’s so hard not to want to bury our heads in the sand. It’s hard sometimes not to run away! Its hard not to be fearful and to worry! It’s just hard, plain and simple! Life.is.hard!

So I ask again, how do we get through these times? The Bible says we will have trouble on this earth. We all know we will, but the real key is finding healthy ways to cope with this trouble. I have a few different ways I try to deal when life gets tough. The older I get, the more I try to ask myself what is this trying to teach me? What lesson do I need to learn? Sometimes that helps you change in your mindset and you begin looking more for a solution and focusing less on the problem. I go to counseling. That has been huge and something I have done several times over the years. I pray and I meditate. I read the Bible and other books to help me cope and I listen to podcasts. I let myself have a great big ole cry, but I try not to stay there for weeks on end. Right this second as I write, I’m about to hop on my bike and go ride about 6 miles to clear my head.

I am not the expert on the subject of what to do, I can only tell you what works for me, but I will say this. I hope you will look for healthy ways to deal with what’s going on around you. Don’t eat yourself or drink yourself into a coma. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t hurt others. Don’t blame. Don’t be mean and angry. All of these things are just going to lead to more problems that you’re going to have to clean up. I know this from experience! Dealing with things in unhealthy ways just leads to more trouble.

Be encouraged today. Look for the rainbow today. That’s the beautiful part of a storm, we get to see the rainbow! This too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever! Just choose to change your mindset, like I am going to do, and realize we will get through this! Don’t be fixed on the fact that things will never get better nor ever change. Things can and will get better if you choose to believe and do the work to make it happen.

With love for you all,

Shauna

I feel a need to talk today about something that I personally deal with from time to time. For some reason, I feel today that somebody needs a little encouragement in this area. Let me ask you something? Do you ever struggle when you think you have done something right, handled a situation correctly, treated a person the right way, done the job correctly, yet there is still criticism and people spread lies about you? Can I get an amen, or are you so strong in your self confidence that this never bothers you? People can say what they want, you know the truth, so that’s all that matters. If this is you, man do I applaud you! I however, do not find myself that strong of a person. Full confession here! A couple of times in my life this has happened and people have tried to destroy my credibility in order to gain. Gain what you ask? I don’t know, popularity, people to their side, people to support them? It’s been a plethora of reasons I suppose. One constant in my life has been my mom. Every single time she says to me hold your head high, keep your mouth shut, the truth will come out in the end. One particular time this happened, and she was so right. It took years, and might I add that I am not always the most patient person, but thankfully, I did what she said, kept my mouth shut, and the truth did indeed come out.

Let me encourage you if this is where you find yourself today. I want to tell you a story. I will not do this story justice, but let me try. There was a kingdom years ago and the king was a very proud man. He liked to show off what he had. Not a very humble man. He wanted to show off his beautiful queen but she refused to be a trophy wife so she refused. This angered him so he decided to replace his queen. He ordered his servants to go out in the land and find the most beautiful girl they could find and bring her to the kingdom. The girl they chose was young and beautiful, an orphan girl who was being raised by her uncle. She was very scared of the king and not at all sure why she had been chosen and removed yet again from her family. One day as her uncle is coming to the kingdom he overhears two of the king’s guards plotting to assassinate the king so he tells his niece that she must warn the king. She sends word to the king through his right hand man. The right hand man wants all the glory so he doesn’t tell the king how he finds out about this plot, and takes the glory and gifts and applause from the king for saving his life. Not only does he take the glory, he then plots to kill the queen’s uncle who in actuality is the one who saved the king’s life. This goes on for some time and the king’s right hand man actually gets the king’s authority to kill this man and all his people, not knowing he is in fact the queen’s uncle. The queen is too afraid to go to the king to tell him it was her uncle and beg for his life to be spared and that of their people. Back in those times, there was written accounts of everything that went on through the kingdom. One night, the king cannot sleep so he asks to be read from these boring notes in hopes of falling asleep. Wouldn’t you know it, but somebody had overheard this man telling the queen she must warn the king, and save his life, and it is written in those daily notes. The king hears this. Long story short, this man’s life is spared, he’s made a great man in the kingdom and guess whose life ends up getting taken? The man who took all the credit for saving the king’s life and tried to kill the man who had actually saved it. Talk about sitting by and keeping your mouth shut. First the man saves the king’s life, he’s given no credit, but in the meantime there is a plot to kill the man. I can’t say that I would have been strong enough to keep my mouth shut if there was a plot to kill me, but look at the outcome in this story. Not only was this man’s life spared, he was made a very powerful man in this kingdom in the end. So was it worth being the bigger person after all?

I didn’t tell you this when I started because I wanted to keep your attention, but this is in fact the story of Queen Esther in the Bible. It has resonated with me this week over some situations in my life that I am struggling with because I feel I did the right thing, but people are questioning my intentions and it’s getting to me. I know myself though, and I know I tried very hard to do right and be a good person so once again, I shall simply keep my mouth shut and trust that in the end, the truth will be revealed. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please take heart that when we do right, we reap right. It may seem like the people who have wronged you are winning, but they won’t if we stay on the right path and live an upstanding life to those around us! I hope you will be encouraged today to keep doing the right thing! It will be worth it in the end.

With love for you all,

Shauna

“In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.” I love this quote from Dave Hollis. It has resonated so much with me. Not every part of my old normal will be returning from this point on. There are some things that no longer serve me. They don’t serve my growth, my future, my life or that of my family. This time has really caused me to pause and reevaluate my life and what serves me and what does not. Anybody relate? Some things might have worked in the past, but they do not belong in my future.

This is the start of week nine for me during this pandemic of 2020. I have talked before about all of the things I have been doing, but I felt today that somebody might be searching, as I was, for growth but they don’t know where to start. I’m afraid that sometimes if we don’t know where to start, we won’t start. The task seems great and daunting. If you find yourself feeling in the pit of your stomach that you have more you’re supposed to be doing in life, that you need personal growth, I hope something I say resonates today.

First you have to ask yourself what you’re chasing in your life? Is it negative things or positive? Are you chasing money, fame, stuff, fake friendships and people what won’t satisfy your soul, trying to keep up with the Jones’, or are you chasing meaningful relationships, personal growth, loving and helping others, being better, leaving a legacy? Only you can answer that. Before I started on personal growth, my answers would have looked very different. What am I chasing? What is my WHY? Well, that’s getting very clear for me these days! I am chasing:

1. A closer relationship with God.
2. A hot marriage.
3. To be an amazing step-mom.
4. To better be able to help and serve others to the best of my ability.
5. To have closer relationships with my family.
6. To be a better friend, but not just a better friend, to have real in depth relationships.
7. To leave a legacy.
8. To grow and stretch and live a life that I am proud of.
9. To be able to some day go to Heaven and when I leave this earth have people say she touched my life like only she could.

So what do I have to do to try to achieve these things? Well, one thing I have learned is that I have had to toss out my to do list. I used to be the queen of to do lists until I heard from a few of my mentors that to be intentional, you must calendar things out. If they’re really important, put them on your calendar and stick to the schedule.  One thing we tend to do with to do lists is be okay with not checking everything off. Unless you’re like me and my perfectionist tendencies, I would feel like a loser if I went to be bed and not everything was checked off. So you’re either one who just procrastinates and doesn’t get it done, or stresses over getting it done, but either way, not healthy, so be intentional and put them on your calendar. My calendar starts every day between 6:30-7 with coffee and devotion and prayer and then goes from there. I have a few things that I do every single day, which I will talk about a little later.

Whatever you want in life, whatever you’re chasing, has to be done intentionally with discipline and consistency. Remember, if you aim at nothing, you will hit it every single time. I am no way an expert in any of this, but I am a witness to setting a plan for growth and for those things you want and working toward them! It will pay off and change your life. I am going to share just a few of my favorite things that I am working on daily. I talked earlier about my calendar. These things are literally on my calendar every single day!

Here are my mentors: Dani Johnson, Rachel and Dave Hollis and John Maxwell. I have never met any of them, but that’s okay, they can still greatly impact my life in huge ways. I have been lucky enough in recent months to have a mentor in real estate that has had a huge impact on my life and will forever! Thank you Lauren Buchel for believing in me. I urge you to find mentors in your life. Look at people who have what you want and follow what they do!

Here are the programs I am currently doing: Devotions each morning on either the Bible App, iDisciple or First 5 apps, Next 90 Challenge at http://www.thehollisco.com, LifeMap at http://www.danijohnson.com, several programs at http://www.johnmaxwellacademy.com. Some of these are free and some I pay for, but can I just tell you that all of these people have put free content out there during this!! I cannot even tell you how much free stuff is out there if you get serious about looking.

Here are the podcasts I consistently listen to: Lewis Howes The School of Greatness, John Maxwell Leadership Podcast, Trent Shelton Straight Up, Oprah Super Soul Conversations, The Ed Mylett Show, Rise Podcast with Rachel Hollis and The Dani Johnson Podcast. I literally listen to something while I am getting ready in the morning, while I do my cardio and when I am in the car.

Here are the books I have read or am reading: the Bible, Live the Let-Go Life Joseph Prince, Fierce Free and Full of Fire Jen Hatmaker, First Steps to Wealth Dani Johnson, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth John Maxwell, Co Dependent No more by Melody Beattie, Mindset by Carol Dweck and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. You have to find things that speak to your soul. Not everything everybody else is reading is right for you. I have found that out the hard way. Maybe visit your local library to start and just make sure the authors resonate with you. My husband has accused me of starting a library because every other day a book arrives, but some of these have not been money well spent for me.

So, there’s just a taste of what I am doing. If you’re looking for some changes in your life or want to grow in some area, hopefully something here you can use! One important thing I want to say in closing is this. You also have to schedule time for rest and reflection! That is so important in your journey! I hope you all listen to that fire in the pit of your stomach, if you have one, that is telling you that you were made for more! Don’t stay the same if you have room for growth. Maybe you are happy with where things are for you and your family, and where your life is, but you still can strive to be better in those areas and show up for the people in your life who need you. We all can be just a little better every single day.

With love for you all,

Shauna

 

This morning as I got up and was doing my morning routine of devotions, prayer and meditation, something said to me post about your story. I thought about it for a minute, and told myself my story isn’t different than a lot of people’s story, who wants to hear that. In fact, there are people who have had way worse traumas in their lives! I went out to the garage to work out and I still kept feeling something say tell your story, somebody needs to hear it. I am a firm believer in listening. For me, I feel like it’s God leading me or giving me these gut feelings. You may call it something else, but nonetheless, I couldn’t fight the feeling I was having so here goes. Read on if you choose, or stop right here. Let me preface this by saying, this is only my story. I am not a victim, I am not looking for sympathy or for you to feel sorry for me. I am truly blessed beyond measure! I have just always felt that the only way I could make any sense out of pain or trauma was to help somebody else so if I help just one person today, then I have done what I started out to do.

Where to begin. Well, I was raised in a home with quite a bit of struggle and turmoil emotionally. We were provided for and well. We had a nice home, clothes we needed, food, electricity, etc. We had those essentials. What we didn’t have was the example of a stable marriage. What we didn’t have was the example of what a husband should look like. My mom tried. She was an awesome cook and seamstress, she loved us and she loved God. She did the best she could. What we witnessed was it always being just her, me and my brother. Alone at church, a lot of times alone at family functions, always her alone sitting out in the crowd at anything for school. I would watch her and could see often in her eyes how alone she felt. My dad was gone a lot. He was a very hard worker, he liked nice things and he worked hard for them. What he didn’t know how to be really, was a caring father and husband. I know he himself never had an example of that so I’m sure he thought he was doing the best he knew how. What this did to me was want more than anything to have a real family who did things together. What this did was make me crave attention and love from men. What this did was make me want to hear I love you, you’re smart, you’re awesome, not stupid like I often heard my mom called.

Well, I didn’t get so lucky in love because what I am realizing with growth and study, is that I have some pretty deep co-dependent issues. Here are some of the things I heard from men in my life. You’re stupid. Too stupid in fact to ever raise intelligent kids. Your nose is big. Your eyes sink back in your head. Your thighs and butt are huge. You don’t cook like my mother. You needed a dad, that’s what’s wrong with you. You’re fat. You look ugly with the straight hair you were born with. You look ugly in contacts, it’s shows how bad your eyes are set back. You don’t measure up basically. Those are just a few of things I heard. I was never enough. No matter how hard I tried to remedy every bad thing I was ever told about myself, to some people, it was never enough. I now find myself on my 3rd marriage and although I married an amazing guy this time, I have even at times almost sabotaged this one too. Because of my feelings of never enough, if he wasn’t telling me how great I was on the hour, I told myself he thinks you’re fat, he thinks you’re ugly, he thinks you’re crazy. That’s the stupid stuff I told myself. Rather than see that he holds me at night and tells me 100 times a day he loves me more. Rather than see that he calls me during the day just to see how my day is going. Rather than see that we do everything together, just like I always wanted. I chose to only see the bad.

Then comes the day I realize that I will never be able to have a baby. This cut to the very core of my being because what that screamed at me again, you’re not enough. Women were made to do one great thing, have babies, you can’t do that either. I could be a step-mom and have a huge role in raising other women’s children, but I could never have one of my own. What was wrong with me? How was this even remotely fair? Although never truly understanding the purpose in this pain, I have found peace over it, and believed that some day, I would understand. I once had a preacher look me right in the eyes and said there is a purpose to your pain, I promise you. I still hold on to that word!

I have spent my entire adult life searching for love and acceptance and for somebody to think I was enough. My pursuit of perfection was never that somebody would see my life on social media and think man, she’s got it all. No, my pursuit of perfection was if I am perfect enough, if I am good enough, or do the right things that people want, they will love me and think I’m awesome! How incredibly sad is that! I mean I sound pathetic, but I’m honest. Somebody not liking me, somebody not approving of me, somebody not wanting to be around me, would almost spiral me into depression. I have literally spent days wondering what I did to people. It would eat me alive.

So what would I do to avoid these feelings you ask. Well, I do everything in my power to try to get people to think I’m great. I try to work hard. I try to do everything for everybody. I try to look great and be funny and have the best smile and appear to have the confidence that down deep isn’t there. Anything I can do to feel acceptance and feel better about myself. But, I also eat my pain away or spend too much time feeling sorry for myself! Not only have I almost sabotaged my marriage, but I have sabotaged friendships because I have believed crazy things in my head! Ever done that? Ever been so insecure that you sabotaged relationships?

I am here to tell you though, there is some silver lining to my story. I was laid off at the beginning of this pandemic and for a few days, I spiraled. Even though I understand the economic ramifications of what is going on, I still saw that as you’re not enough at work. You didn’t work hard enough, you didn’t do enough. You would die if I told you how much weight I have gained, but it’s okay! Here’s what I am learning through everything. Number one, I am enough. God made me just like he wanted me and I am enough! Number two, I was made for more! Number three, I am learning to love myself, flaws and all and I don’t need anybody else to love me, I am figuring out how to love myself. I’m smart, I can be funny. I love and love hard. I am a good motivator and cheerleader to people. I am organized. I am an amazing wife and step-mom. I am an amazing daughter and sister and friend. I am a great cook and entertainer. Have I screwed up? Oh royally, but that is my story! Will I screw up again? Yes! Will I hurt people? Not intentionally, but probably yes! Will I fail again? Yes! But, like John Maxwell says, if you’re going to fail, just fail forward.

What I hope somebody realizes is this. Don’t fear your past. Don’t fear your failures and all the ugly things about yourself. Get up! Get up, wipe yourself off, grow and go be you! You have a gift! You have a gift that the world needs! You were made for so much more! Don’t be defined by your past. Don’t be defined by people’s opinions and judgments. They don’t matter! Use those things and let them make you stronger! You are enough! Here’s something for you, my husband is telling me to go figure out what I want to be when I grow up! That’s how much he believes in me! And, that’s how much I believe in you! Now go be great! Your story is your story for the calling that you have in your life! What will you do with that? Only you get to decide! Don’t be a victim, be a victor!

With love for you all,

Shauna

 

 

What is a perfect life to you? Being married to the same person and celebrating 50 years of marriage, having 2.2 kids, watching them grow, marry and come home with their 2.2 kids for Sunday dinner around the table? Having the same job and retiring from there after 25 years? Having the perfect home, with the perfect white picket fence, a spouse that adores you and driving the perfect kids around in your perfect SUV or mini van, and being PTO mom of the year? I’m not going to lie to you, that used to be my view of perfection and to some, it may still be. You may be blessed enough to be living that life, counting your blessings every single day. If that’s you, my hat is off to you and it makes my heart happy!

As I set last night reflecting on my past, and my life, that is for sure not the pictures you will see in the photo albums of my life! Not even close to what you will see! As I looked back, marriage, divorce, no kids, a few more jobs than I would have liked in my life, some hard years where I really had to soul search, I began to really get angry with myself and I began to really mourn what I thought my life was going to look like at 45. Anybody else ever been there? I very quickly had to change my thoughts around or else I would probably have gone and hit the pantry and ate myself into a coma. Whose picture of my life am I trying to attain anyway? Who said all of those things I listed as a perfect life are in fact some idea of perfection? Whose judgments am I putting on myself? And besides, the past is the past. It is my past and there is nothing I can do about it now. At this point, all I can do is think somewhere in my mess is a message. Somewhere in my life hopefully somebody said she fought, she’s a fighter and she keeps getting up every single time!

So why do we spend time looking back?? You know in our cars, the review mirror is smaller, and the windshield is bigger. Why is that? We are not supposed to spend so much time looking back! Did you learn? Did you grow? Did you become better? Did you ask for forgiveness? Okay, so then who is telling you to feel guilty about it all? I am a woman of faith and at this point in my life, I better understand God’s grace and mercy and if I look back, not with guilt, I can see that God always brought me through, and I believe he has forgiven me for any past failures. He can use those things to help other people going through similar things!

Besides, look how blessed my life has been and is now! I have a husband who adores me. I have a husband who works through hard things with me. I have been given step kids. I have had some amazing jobs that allowed me to meet some amazing people, and travel to some amazing places. Do I wish that I still had my job working for my brother from home that allowed me to go to the gym every morning for 2 hours and travel to CA a few times a year? Yes, I do, but God has another plan for me.

So where do I find myself today? Not depressed like I went to bed! I find myself hopeful that what is coming in my future is so much better than I could have dreamed up for myself. Do I have a vision and do I have goals and a dream? I sure do and I believe somehow that they’re going to come through.

Please don’t sit and look back with guilt, shame, unrest and blame on yourself today. See that you have some amazing blessings in your life and those tests are your testimonies and those messes are your messages! Decide today to dream again and have a growth mindset and look forward with hope and anticipation. If you are really honest with yourself right now anyway, my guess is that your depression from your past lies a great deal in other people’s opinions and judgments of you. Well listen to me my sister, listen to me my brother, those people couldn’t have walked half a mile in your shoes so why let them matter now? They don’t and that’s not whose opinion we should be worried about anyway!

With love for you all,

Shauna

If any of you are like me, you have found yourself lately stressing over the future and trying to figure everything out, every single detail. From the very first day I was home, I was stressing over reading, doing webinars, learning, growing, getting better, feeling better. What started as good intentions very quickly began to consume me. I got to where as soon as I jumped out of bed and did my morning routine, I would come straight to my office and was obsessed with doing anything to make me feel like I was growing in some way. It literally began to consume me. Three weeks in, my mom told me I needed to stop, and just be, and relax and clear my mind. I couldn’t I said! I have to do something, I don’t know what’s happening in the future. She finally just let me be, but that particular Monday, as I set down and opened my laptop I felt God say to me rest your mind. I literally closed my laptop, got up, shut off my office light and didn’t return to my office that entire week. I barely read that week either. Instead, I worked in my yard and with my plants and around my house. As I began to relax, I realized that what everybody was trying to tell me, was right, just be still!

Do you ever find yourself trying to do too much in life? Do you find yourself overwhelmed and tired, not just mentally but physically and you feel like you can’t go one more minute? I think one lesson we’re all learning right now is to just stop and be. Just stop and focus on our joy! Just stop and focus on our peace! Just stop and focus on all the things that are important in our lives. Too often we can run ourselves ragged trying to do and be for everybody else. When we are in that place, we become stressed and depressed and it feels like life is literally falling in at our feet. We were not meant to live that way! Yes life can be so very hard, and right now the uncertainty of life is almost overwhelming, but you know that it is possible, yes even right now, to just rest and just be!

I think for me, and maybe you, it’s a way to control things, but there are so many things we cannot control, no matter what we do. You cannot control what other people are going to do. You cannot control the economy. You cannot control things that can happen in your health. You cannot control never being hurt. You cannot control the weather. I love a saying I saw recently that said our hair is put on our head to teach us simply there are things we cannot control. Now that’s funny but how true? Does your hair look perfect every single day no matter if you do the exact the same thing? No! It doesn’t even look the same every single day regardless. So why do we think we can control what is going on around us by busying ourselves and driving ourselves crazy? We cannot control everything!

If anybody finds themselves where I found myself, I urge to stop! Stop and smell the roses! Stop and be kind to yourself! Stop and find your joy! Stop and find your inspiration. For me, that is in God and the Bible, for you, you may call it something else, but wherever you go to find that peace and that strength and that rest, go there! I urge you to just stop and be! Your inspiration and your direction for life will be there when you just stop and be!

Go run through the flowers and watch the birds! Pay attention to the wind blowing and the chimes making beautiful music! Smell the crisp air and watch a beautiful sunrise or sunset, or the sound of the ocean waves. Just be still! You will get your inspiration and direction for the future, and you will be an inspiration to those around you!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Boy what a time we find ourselves in right now. I just started my fourth week of being home. I have only gotten dressed out of sweatpants maybe once. I have only done my hair twice in 4 weeks. I can’t remember the last time I filled my car up. I have carried out pizza twice, otherwise, I have literally cooked every single day for the past month. I have barely worked out. I am baking like I own a bakery. I have deep cleaned my entire house, power washed the outside and mulched. I have been taking classes online every single day, reading, doing devotions and trying to grow during this. I am sleeping later than I would, and have only had 4 diet cokes in 4 weeks. I have had days where I was up and felt good, and days where I felt down and depressed and worried about the future. I have Facetimed and Zoomed more than I have in my entire life, but I am keeping in daily contact with some important people in my life and that feels good! Does any of that sound familiar?

All this down time has given me so much time to think. So much time to self reflect. So much time to think about my life, where I’ve been, and where I might be going. So much time to see that I have quite a bit to work on, but overall I feel proud of the fact that I do have ability to see my shortcomings and work on them. Overall I am proud of the growth I have had in my dark days and the blessings I see in my good days! Here are some things I have realized of late.

Sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose. Sometimes truth prevails, sometimes lies seem to be winning, but in the end, truth always prevails. We must always remember that! Friends will come and go, when they go, you will feel loss, sometimes like a divorce is happening, but you have to trust the process. Sometimes people aren’t meant to stay in our lives, sometimes they don’t even have our backs, but we fight to keep them there longer then they should be. Sometimes our journey leads us down paths we never saw coming, away from places we thought we would be, and that’s okay. Sometimes lies were told about us and people believed them, if they did, they were never a part of our journey to begin with. Sometimes life hurts and is hard, but just maybe that is because we’re not on the right paths, and headed in the right direction. Sometimes life is just hard to teach us something. Sometimes we must learn our place. Sometimes we must learn we can’t control everything. Sometimes we must learn that no matter how much we do, with some people we will never win, and that’s their choice! That’s okay!

We all have a journey! Our own journey. Seasons change. We grow, we change. People come and go. Life has ups and downs, but you know what, every day, we walk just a little farther on our journey of life. Some paths of my journey I am proud of. Some I would rather erase. Some I wish nobody saw, but the truth is, just like you, I have my own journey. I cannot change the past, I can only work on the future. I believe we are all going to come through this time changed, and I think we almost have to. For some reason, life had to stop for us. For some reason, we need to learn something. For some reason, we need to really take a look at what truly matters in life. So what will you do differently on your journey in the days to come? Hold on to hate and bitterness? Gossip? Stay the same? OR…hold on to hope and be grateful? Love? Will you realize people are doing the best they can and we all deserve a little grace and compassion? I heard yesterday that nobody is at their best in a crisis. We have to give people a break. We have to give ourselves a break above all else!

In the days ahead, I want to help myself and others get small wins every day. I want to applaud myself and others for doing the best we can! I want to be an encourager! I want to see the opportunity and come through this changed and different, and realizing that my journey may be headed down a different path, but it can be a great one, and change can be good. Likewise, maybe not much will change in my life, but I know I am changed, forever changed, and seeing life through a very different lens. You have heard me say before that I don’t like change, it’s scary, but at this point in my life, I see life had to change!

What will you do going forward? Embrace change or fight to stay where you were? Only you can make that decision! Only you can decide to come through this with a little more love in your heart!

With love for you all, Shauna