Journey on Yourself

As I set writing this, the day before mine and Chad’s 11th wedding anniversary, I am saddened thinking about all the divorces I have heard of this year. It’s like every day another celebrity, another motivational speaker, another couple announces the end of their marriage. What have we created in our homes that made all of this togetherness we have experienced this year a bad thing? Where has our focus turned to? We used to hear we don’t have enough time to spend together, and when we’re given that time, instead of seeing the blessing in it, we grow tired of each other. What a sad day we live in. Now I’m not naive enough to think this has all stemmed from too much togetherness. We have had stress this year unlike anything I’ve experienced in my lifetime. Jobs lost or hours cut meaning less money, yet bills still remain. That’s a domino effect that then touches every aspect of life. Stress, depression, and anxiety are rampant.

Chad and I are surviving this year. We survived a lay off for me, a year of growth for me, publishing a book, the start of a new job, exhaustion of overtime for Chad trying to make up for my lost income, and a kid moving back in. Yes, like all of you, we’ve had a crazy year that could have wreaked havoc. I won’t lie, we’ve had some darker days, as I’m sure some of you have as well, but I’m proud to say we’ve made it. Please don’t think I am tooting any horns here, or judging you if your marriage didn’t survive. It all makes my heart hurt, but I’m proud that with God’s help our marriage turned a corner this year. You see, we’ve just come through a couple of really hard years. It’s been maybe the hardest two years not only of our marriage, but to me personally in my adult life. This year, even with the hard things, we are reaping the fruits of our labor and hard work on our relationship. The thing that got me through the tough days this year was knowing without a shadow of doubt that Chad had my back and was with me 100% of the time. You see, those dark days proved to me that he was here, for the long haul, and he wasn’t going to hurt me.

You might say that’s really great for you, as you roll your eyes, and think I’m just gloating. Far from what I’m doing. I never gloat. Marriage is hard and anybody that says otherwise isn’t telling the truth. Chad and I had a pretty easy 9 years until 2018 and then I had a couple of really hard emotional years that took a serious tow on our marriage. You have to make a conscience choice every day to get up and to work hard, love the other person when you don’t really like them, and be humble enough to know when you need to get help. You have to be vulnerable, both of you. You have to remember what made you fall in love to begin with, and decide each day to work through the hard things.

Statistically speaking, Chad and I had a pretty low chance of making it. We both brought baggage from previous marriages, he had children so we became a blended family, we dealt with fertility struggles, I had some deep emotional issues from abuse, and honestly neither one of us had the examples of good marriage role models in our parents’ marriages. I don’t say that to belittle our parents’ efforts because I know they tried. I just say that to say that the cards were against us from the very beginning.

I am for sure not the expert on marriage, in fact, very far from it, but I have come to realize that what you focus on expands. If I continually focus on all of Chad’s weaknesses and he continually focus on mine, we have no chance. If we both continually focus on the fact that we dearly love each other, and want to work hard to make this the best marriage for us both, our marriage will flourish. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship, but take off your rose-colored glasses and be honest about how bad things truly are. Don’t be so quick to throw in the towel when things get hard. There’s unbelievable satisfaction and joy when you succeed, and when you look back with pride that you made it! Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. Marriage is not like what you see on the movies. Don’t put those expectations on it, or you will set yourself up for failure.

Hopefully today, if you’re struggling in your relationship, you will make the choice to stop and really take a deeper look. Ask yourself, am I choosing the easy path by wanting to leave this relationship, or are there deeper issues that I can work on to save it. For me, I chose to get professional help for those things from my past that I had not dealt with so Chad and I had a fighting chance. Even if something has happened in your marriage, there can still be forgiveness and there can still be healing. You see, we are all imperfect people trying to make it. We will screw up. We will hurt each other, we’re human, but despite the flaws, despite sometimes the pain we can cause either other, there can be restoration, and you can create that relationship that you are so proud of. Nobody is perfect, but don’t focus on that! Remember, what you focus on expands! For those dealing with divorce during this awful time, my heart, and prayers go out to you, and I hurt for you. I pray you come through it stronger, grow through it, and don’t let it take you down! Focus on healing and focus on better days ahead! Let’s all choose today to focus on better days ahead! I truly believe there can be growth in all relationships in 2020!

With love for you all,

Shauna

As I ride my bicycle down the streets of my neighborhood, I often look into the big picture windows that open into what I imagine would be the living room of the home. Do you ever wonder what goes on inside those windows? If only windows could talk. Would we see a loving family, or would we see fighting and harsh words and lack of respect? Would we see children being taken care of, taught respect and love, or would we see them being abused, neglected and starved for attention? I often wonder what people think when they look into my large picture window. It’s almost as if they are looking into the window of my soul. Do they see a woman of character? Do they see a woman of hurt and pain? Do they see a confident woman who believes her future is bright and endless? Or, can they see a broken woman full of pain from the past, broken from shame and unwise choices, and full of regret?

What a truly scary thought that somebody could see through the window of my soul. I try so hard to paint the picture of a confident woman entering the room in her pencil skirt, stiletto heels, and Louis Vuitton handbag. I try so hard to mask all insecurities with perfectly done hair and makeup, and a smile that lights up the room. Who am I actually kidding? Do I really think I am kidding anyone? Oh, I’m sure I am fooling some. I am sure there are those who would look into the window of my soul and want my life just based solely on what they see on the outside. There are enough shallow people in this world only concerned with outward appearances, and what others think. If I am so concerned with people gazing through my window, what do I want them to see? I have a whole plethora of things running through my head, a whole mixed bag of thoughts about that. A whole pandora’s box if you will. Scandalous I say! No, nothing of the sort. Remove the glasses of judgment. The beauty of the window is that from the outside, I can paint the illusion of whatever I want. The beauty of the window is only those I allow inside see what is truly there, not simply how it appears from the outside looking in. The beauty of the window is that looking through it opens a whole new world of endless possibilities, new roads to be travelled, things to be learned, growth and a blank canvas waiting to be splattered with paint.

So what do people see if they are peeking inside of your window? More importantly what do you see? It’s imperative for growth in life to take an honest evaluation of the real picture, not just how things appear. It is imperative if you want to change anything in your life, and be better, to clean your glasses and see things completely clear, and as they truly are! If we are not honest with ourselves about those things in our life that may need to be cleaned up, changed and made better, we will become complacent, and stay stuck right where we’re at. Others might see something that appears perfect, but on the other side of that window, you must sleep at night. Only you get to decide if through that window is happiness, peace, and joy, or heartache, regret and pain.

I want a perfectly streak free window that shows not perfection, no not at all, but healing, peace and a drive to always be better. I want the view to show kindness, growth, and hope for the future. I want the view to show joy and laughter and a merry heart! So today, I hope you clean your window and think about what lies beyond those window panes.

With love for you all,

Shauna

If anything, 2020 has taught us that we need to return to the things that really matter in life. Like dinners around the table. Like breaking out our grandmothers and mothers old family recipes. Like sitting on the front porch just talking the evening away with the birds chirping, dogs barking, and lightening bugs flying by. Like dad out hitting balls with the kids. Like evening strolls through the neighborhood. Like actual phone calls with friends and family, not just short text messages. Like gardening and preparing for winter. Like dressing up for no reason. Like actually caring about people. Like being proud of our hard work and accomplishments because we actually worked hard. Like kindness. Like respect on our jobs, to the cashier at the grocery store, and to those who protect us. Like Sunday family dinners. Like backyard cookouts and bonfires making s’mores and catching lightening bugs in Mason jars. There were so many good things of days gone by that have gone by the wayside.

Technology hasn’t done as much great as we think. There’s higher tech appliances than we’ve ever known yet food delivery services are popping up on every corner, and kitchens are for show. You can take a pill to get skinny, procedures to look younger, and surgery to suck out the fat, and diminish the cellulite, yet we live in the most self conscious, lowest self image society of all times. You can be a millionaire, and become famous for doing absolutely nothing, but being good at posting videos on Tik Tok and YouTube, yet more homeless, and hungry than we’ve ever seen. Spouses spend their evenings staring at their phones, and barely talking, and we wonder why 1-3 marriages are ending in divorce. Kids aren’t taught to respect, the value of working hard for what you want, or how to be thankful. Kids can’t even communicate these days. Kids feel like they can say anything they want with no regard for anyone else’s feelings. There’s no respect for anything. We’re so busy with what we have, how popular we are, what group we belong in, and how we appear to others to realize we’ve truly became people without character. We have faster cars, yet we’re always late. Everything is automated, and faster, but the quality of everything has diminished. No, I don’t think we should be proud of where we’re at as a nation! I think we should wake up, and if 2020 hasn’t done that, then I’m not sure what would wake a person up! Maybe it’s time to slow down! Maybe it’s time to get our debt paid, live within our means and focus on living simpler lives full of love and full of meaning! Maybe it’s time to work a little less, have dinner with our families, and spend more time talking to those people we’re blessed to have in our lives who actually bring joy to us, and less time getting arthritis in our thumbs, or index finger if you’re an old school texter like me! What matters to you? Can you truly answer that with some honesty and conviction? Who matters in your life? Have you told them lately? Are you building relationships of substance, or are they shallow, and not lasting? Are you going back to life as you knew it, or making some real changes in your life?

Only time will tell if this year has done anything to shake us, and make us see there are no guarantees in life. Only time will tell if we’ll continue to run around thinking about me, myself and I, or realize this world is bigger than any one of us. Only time will tell if our families are most important. Only time will tell if our emotional, spiritual, and physical health needed to be shaken to the core to wake us up! Only time will tell if we will begin to build relationships that feed our soul. Only time will tell if we’ll return to busyness that leads us down a road to anxiety, poor health, and poor relationships. Only time will tell if we return to the things, and to the people who truly matter. I’m afraid if we don’t, the future is not going to be a world any of us are proud to live in! So what do you need to return to? Got you thinking didn’t I?!

With love for you all,

Shauna

As I was flipping through Facebook a few days ago I saw an article about Chadwick Boseman, the actor who recently passed away from a battle with cancer. I had been saddened by this for a few days prior to seeing this article as cancer SUCKS, and I am tired of hearing about cancer and death, but that’s not what struck me that day. The author began by saying how nobody outside of the actor’s close circle of friends and family knew he was even sick. You know why? He didn’t blast it all over social media. He continued to live life and enjoy his final days doing what he loved, and being surrounded by those he loved. I’m just going to be straight up, I was instantly rebuked when I read that. Have I really been living my life or have I been so consumed with posting away on social media to even recognize that I wasn’t living life at all. It was in that instant that I knew I had to take a break from social media. It was in that moment that I knew I needed to take inventory of my life. I knew that for 30 days or permantently, I have yet to determine that, but in that moment I realized I had to take a break! Not everybody in the world needs to know what is going on in my life. There are things that only my family and close friends need to know. Of course the second I had that thought, I started talking myself out of it. I just wrote my book, how would I get that out to the world without social media. My blog has become something so many read through social media. I thought I would miss so many things going on. But would I? Is taking a break really going to make or break anything?

As I had that thought, I began to wonder what else am I not removing from my life that is stunting my growth, and stunting my vision, and my direction in life? Are there other things? What is really going to happen if I am not on social media? Anybody else feeling like they’re not living life right now and every day has turned into a blur where we just walk around in a trance checking Facebook every other second. Ignoring our spouses of an evening when we should be communicating, not fully enjoying lunch or dinner with a friend because we can’t get off our phones, blowing off our kids when they try to talk to us because something funny is happening on YouTube or Tik Tok, or a plethora of other things. We are not promised tomorrow! So what do you need to get rid of today to be the person you were supposed to be, and step in to the next chapter of your life? 

Don’t be lifting every body else up, don’t be pouring into everybody else, and not doing the same for yourself! What are you being called to do right now?!? I wrote a book about finding joy and I was letting the noise of social media take mine. I was called to lift others up, but in order to do that, I must make sure I am feeding my soul with things that matter as well.

I heard something today that struck a chord. The cemetery is full of potential! Let’s not let that be us! Let’s rise! Let’s stop letting things detour us! Let’s stop getting caught up in whose doing what! Let’s stop getting caught up in what others have that we don’t! Those are just roadblocks trying to stop us! So remove whatever is in your view and get on a different road! You have something more to do in this world! I have way more to do in this world! I don’t care if your family and friends don’t believe in you! I don’t care if your family and friends don’t support you! Do it anyway!! My mentor Dani Johnson says it this way “Rise up, step up and do something great with your life.” I want to really live my life, not some appearance of what life looks like on social media. I want to be so consumed with that time I’m spending with my family and that time I’m spending with friends that taking a picture for the world to see isn’t even a thought! I want to enjoy those moments that forever become memories that nobody can ever take away.

I realized this morning, when I finally got back to exercising and clearing my mind, that I’ve been on the right path to where I’m going for a few months now. However, in the past few days I have come to realize that somebody, or something doesn’t want me to stay on that path because they see I’m going to do something great! I let worry, doubt, and fear, and other things in my path to try and stop me, to try to steal my joy, and try to knock me off the path for good! You see, not everybody will celebrate your successes and appreciate where you’re going, but they don’t have to and you don’t have to care or let that detour you! You have been called so rise up now! Get busy living life and loving those you should be loving while you have breath in your body! Get healthy! Chase your dreams! Write that book! Fight for what you want! Get out of debt! Start that charity! Make a difference! Rise up and do it now! Remove the excuses, remove the noise, remove the blinders, remove the haters and do something great with your life! YOU have grateness within you!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Ruth Graham, the wife of Billy Graham had this written on her tombstone “End of construction, thanks for your patience.” This has resonated with me for weeks since I heard this. For the past two years I feel like I have been under some major construction. Trying to navigate the road ahead and what I wanted in life. Where I was going in life? Was I making a difference? Was I doing my part to leave the world better? I was tired of trying to fit in and not living with purpose. You know what I have come to realize? Be you and you will win every time! Be the REAL you! There is a real danger in trying to live somebody elses’ life. There is a real danger in trying to “Keep up with the Jones.” Social media, fake living, trying to keep up, that’s shallow. The big houses, cars and procedures to look better are fleeting. None of those things truly matter. Popularity and status, that’s not lasting either. 

My soul is so tired of this shallow world. My soul is so tired of drama and trying to make sure or even care if people like me.  Having class is no longer a priority it seems. What matters is how many followers, views and likes we get. What matters is fake friendships with no depth, and worries does everybody like me, and how popular I am. What has become popular is the appearances of what the outside thinks my life is like.  Greed has taken over! The drive for more, more, more has taken over. People don’t sleep, people overeat and medicate away the fear of not measuring up. The fear that they will be exposed and seen for what they really are…humans with fears and insecurities! Just like everyone else! Why this drive to appear a certain way? That is such a facade! I find this so incredibly sad! This is not a life well lived!

Class is not found in the shallow things of this world! Class is living a life of meaning and purpose! Class is making a difference! Class is how you treat everyone! Your spouse, kids, friends, family, employees and especially those who are ‘lower’ than you. We should strive more for class than status and popularity! We should strive more to be humble, grateful and to live a life without arrogance!

What will people say when I die? I hope they say she was always under construction to be a better person. She loved, she gave, she walked in humility with dignity and class. She didn’t let the fear of not fitting in drive her, her drive was leaving everyone around her better. Her drive was helping everyone, she lived a life pleasing to God, humble, without pride, understanding her faults, and showing mercy to all! I don’t want to get caught up in the shallow things of this world that don’t matter! I want to get caught up in being a friend to the friendless and leaving hope to the hopeless! For when we die, the cars we drove, the house we lived in, how much money we had in the bank or if we had thousands of followers truly won’t matter!

I am grateful for success. I am grateful, and it makes me happy to see people succeed and have nice things, but that’s not what I speak of today. I believe people who work hard and give back should be blessed. They deserve that kind of success! Those people; however, seem to get it, never forget where they came from and live their lives giving back. They don’t live their lives driven by greed and attaining things. I believe we all have gifts in life and we are all blessed for the blessing we are called to be. This is the life I want to chase after. I want to chase this calling in life, not chase fame and popularity.

So who and what are you living for today? My prayer is to never get caught up in things that never bring true happiness, but in things that truly matter in life! You see, I used to think a bigger house, expensive car, lots of money in the bank, and tons of friends would bring happiness, but it doesn’t.  I have been around people who have all of that and I realize that alone is not going to bring happiness. Happiness is a life well lived, making a difference, being kind, and always choosing joy! So today, with my heart heavy, I hope you too will evaluate your life. I hope you will truly evaluate your priorities and decide to make some changes if you have been living a shallow life. If you have been chasing and have gotten caught up in the wrong things, that you will re-evaluate what truly matters in this life!

With love for you all,

Shauna

You have heard the saying many times in life that if you want something, find somebody who has what you want, and do what they’re doing. Who you are being influenced by says so much about your life, and about where you’re going. This has been something in 2020 that I have tried to be more intentional about, and I can tell you, it’s paying dividends in my life ten-fold. So many times we want change in our life, change in our relationships, change in our career, but we never stop to look around us and take inventory of the people we’re surrounding ourselves with, whose advice we’re taking, and whose lives we’re mirroring. You don’t realize that your influences in life are totally influencing your life and where it’s at. Maybe you needed a wake up call like me as to who you’re letting invest in your life and in your future. You might realize when you take inventory that you are not at all headed in the direction you thought you were, or that you want to be headed in.

Let me give you a few examples of where I’m going with this.

1. Your marriage or intimate relationships – Are you investing in your relationship at all, or just casually getting by each day hoping that relationship just takes care of itself, and works out? Look around you at your friends and tell me how their relationships are. I mean the closest people you and your significant other spend the most time with. Do they mirror a relationship you’re striving for and would like to have? Do they invest in their relationship? Do they support each other? Do they take time for each other? Or do they complain about each other every time you’re together and just pick each other apart? Do they look and make comments about attractive people they see or do they make comments about the person they’re with? Do they set aside time for each other, or spend more time with their friends or co-workers? Do you see where I’m going? If you’re spending time with people who don’t have the marriage you want, who don’t invest in that relationship and make it a priority, or who have wondering eyes, that could rub off on you and your relationship. Maybe you should spend more time seeking out couples who have the relationship you would like to mirror and see if that starts effecting your relationship in a positive manner. If you’re surrounding yourself with friends that bad mouth your spouse rather than urge you to see the positive and work on the relationship, that could be influencing how you see your spouse as well. Your friends should be able to be your sounding board, but not just always take your side if you need to see things from a different perspective. Take inventory! If you want a better marriage or relationship, seek out some couples who have one you would like to strive for, and let them influence your relationship in a more positive way. You can also impact others relationships as well. Are you and your spouse positively pouring into the lives of those you are around? Do they see the example of what they want their marriage or relationships to be like? Only you can answer that question.
2. Your career or job – What’s the culture like where you work? How do you contribute to that? Are you part of the complainers crowd or part of the crowd that supports what the leadership is trying to do and wants to be part of the growth? Do you sit with your co-workers and gossip and find fault with everyone else or do you lift up others? Your attitude is contagious and the attitude of everyone else is too. If your stuck in your career or at your place of work, it might be time to see who you’re hanging with in the break room, and also take a check of your attitude. If you’re not seeing growth and advancement, this might be the problem. If there’s nobody else in your company with a good attitude, try changing yours and see if you can positively impact the work environment. If you can’t, it may be time to re-think where you work. But it could also be who you are choosing to pal around with too. If you want growth and advancement in your career, seek out those people who have done it and mirror what they did to get there. A great attitude, hard work and having a growth mindset will pay off for you in the end. I’ve been caught up in this one. It’s easy to get caught up in office drama sometimes, but you have to be strong enough to say I want different things for my future!
3. Your growth and attitude – Who are your mentors in life? This one will say so much about what direction you’re headed in. Do you spend all your time mindlessly watching reality TV, where the Kardashians are Jett-setting of to this time, or do you actually spend time listening to speakers who have accomplished something in life? If you want growth in your life TURN OFF THE TV!!!!!!!! I am telling you 500% this one is going to dramatically change your life. What books are you reading? What podcasts are you listening to? Who are you watching on You Tube? Who are you following on social media? If you want to stay stuck in life, keep doing what you’ve been doing, but be honest about where that has gotten you. What we feed into our minds is what is going to come out. Garbage in equals garbage out! Who you are letting feed into your life can drastically impact your mindset and your emotions. You must choose the people you let in very carefully!

So let me challenge you today to look around and see if you need to remove some influencers in your life, and, to take inventory of the kind of influence you are being to those around you. When we get to our deathbed, will we say, I made an impact and accomplished what I wanted in life, or will we say I followed the wrong crowd and I have so many regrets in life. It really is scary to think about, but we have to admit that the people who influence us really do have the power to change the trajectory of our lives. I hope you will choose the path of those who have gone before you who have done the great things you want to do, and who have the amazing relationships you want. Seek them out! They’re out there! You just have to look! You just have to decide what you want!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Back in 2018, my world was starting to spiral a little bit. I was dealing with my parents’ divorce, my mom moving to CA, and my dad struggling. I was dealing with my brother taking the company into a different direction and I had to find a new job. I was dealing with feeling this dark cloud hanging over my head, and feeling like change and growth was happening in my life. I didn’t handle change well at all, nor did I have any idea about growth, and what that even looked like. I was stuck in a fixed mindset not even knowing what that meant. All I knew was life was changing. From that, this blog was birthed.

It’s been a crazy couple of years. The strangest thing is that I have never been a writer, had any desire to write, or even had the first writing class, but one morning get this crazy idea that I needed to blog. I remember telling my husband and his response was to ask me did I even have any idea how to do that. The answer was no. All I knew was deep in the pit of my stomach, this desire came out of nowhere, and I knew I had to figure this out. I remember sitting down that first day and literally out of who knows where, it just came flowing out of me. I never set a schedule to write any certain amount of time, or any number of days per week, I would only write when something would spring up inside of me, and I would nearly explode until I got it out. Each blog, 70+ at this point, only came when the inspiration hit, and all I had to do was sit down and it came out. Each one would be raw, and I was vulnerable, most times writing about what I was going through in the moment, but it seemed to strike a chord with people, and resonate, and help somebody. That was when I realized why I was supposed to be writing. That’s when I realized I had a dream that was starting to surface.

Over the past two years, I have had so many things come up. Family issues, and job changes, and working on myself, growth, and dealing with some very deep issues within myself. Things that took me to some of my lowest days, but also some amazing growth that I am so incredibly proud of. In the middle of all of this I again started feeling the urge to write, but this time it was a book. This was intimidating and scary. I feared judgment, and just kept shutting it down. COVID hit and I knew it was time. I had to do it, and the time was now so I did it. I used some of my blogs for the initial manuscript and built it from there. For the first time in my life, I had a real dream and something I finally went for. The old me would have never written the book. I would have let fear grip me. I would have never chased a dream like this. This time I went for it. The book launched today. I still can’t believe it!

What I want to say to somebody today is this. Do you have a dream to do something? If you have a dream PLEASE figure it out and go for it! If you’re not, why aren’t you? Can I ask you something friend to friend? If you’re letting fear, and doubt grip you, and you don’t feel like you could do it, or feel you even deserve it, why? Why don’t you deserve it just as much as everybody else? Why can’t you do it? You do deserve it! Even if it is only for you and nobody else, you deserve it. I believe we have dreams inside of us for a reason! Tell me this, if it’s not possible, how can somebody with absolutely no writing skills write, and publish a book? I’m living proof you can chase your dream and make it happen. If the desire in the pit of your stomach is yelling loud enough at you, you will somehow figure it out!

I didn’t have thousands of dollars to spend on getting help to write this book so you know what I had to do? I had to educate myself! I had to read books, and watch video after video, and do hours of classes to figure out if it was even going to be possible. Turns out there is something called self publishing, it just takes you a little longer, and hours of hard work. There were nights I was up working until after midnight. There were nights I didn’t sleep. I cried, I got angry, but I fought until I made it happen! It still hasn’t totally sunk in today that my book launched on Amazon. I am excited, and hopeful it helps somebody, and proud I learned so much and made it happen. Honestly, I am still in disbelief that something I have wanted for a year came to pass. BUT IT CAME TO PASS!!!!!!!! Your dream can too!!

So what is your dream? Are you going to fight for it? Do it! Just do it! Fight like you have never fought! Educate yourself, learn, grow and go chase it! I know you can do it! When you wake up someday and your dream came to pass, think of me, and know I cheered you on with everything in me!

With love for you all,

Shauna

As I set thinking about the fact that my book is just about ready to launch, I began thinking about what expectations I have about this book. As much as I have tried not to have expectations about it at all, that would be a lie to say I have none. It’s more excitement, and hope that somebody will be helped by it, but it’s also hard not to have expectations on something you have poured your heart and soul into for so long. That being said, I have had to work really hard to lose any expectations on the book. Some may think it’s fantastic, some may think it stinks, and some may think I’m a terrible writer yet still find some joy in reading it. What did I hope to gain by writing this book? My hope is that just one person is helped, and that has helped me to lose any expectations whatsoever. Having expectations will only lead to some heartache if they’re not met. We literally set ourselves up to be hurt.

As humans, I believe we’re all guilty of having expectations. Anticipation and expectations about certain things can somewhat give us hope and excitement; however, it can also bring disappointment when it doesn’t turn out like we thought it would. I have to say that I personally really struggle with this, and it’s something that I have to constantly work on. I’m guilty of expecting people to do and give like I feel I do, and when the don’t, I find myself so disappointed. What I have come to realize is that thinking like this is actually incredibly selfish on my part. We should always give with no expectations to receive. For it is so much better to give than receive!

Let’s think about expectations on the job. We hire what we think are fantastic new employees that are going to do great things for our company. We hire them with the expectation of them to do those things, but do we invest in their growth, their knowledge, their skills? Do we invest in them at all? Do we cheer them on in the background and give them every available tool that they need to succeed? Or do we simply sit them in the chair in front of a computer program, give them a phone and a desk and expect them to learn everything on their own and be successful? If we don’t invest in them, and in their skills, and in their growth, it’s not fair to expect things out of them. If we’re not helping them in any way we can to succeed, we are setting them up for failure, and then when we want to let them go, we don’t realize our part in the failure.

What about our kids? Do we see that they have a natural talent in a sport or a hobby, and simply sign them up, and expect that only going to practice is going to help them grow those skills, and grow that natural ability? If we don’t invest in making sure that they have some extra help in building those skills, they are only going to be so good, they may never live up to their potential. They may never sharpen that talent if we don’t get them the extra training needed to be better. You can expect them to get better if your pouring into their success, but you can’t expect them to get better if you’re not.What about in school? Do we help our kids? Do we get them a tutor if they’re slightly struggling in the subject? Or again, do we just send them to school and hope that they succeed, and expect the teachers to give them everything they need to grow, to expand their capacity and potential. What about expecting them to be decent human beings? Are you modeling that for them?

What about you? Do you want to have growth in your life to expand your potential? Do you put expectations on yourself? If you do, what are you doing about it? Are you reading books, listening to podcasts, signing up for seminars or meeting other people to help you grow? If not, you can set expectations all day long, but you are simply not going to grow!

I think one big area where we have expectations is with our faith, and our God. When we need healing in our bodies, we just expect him to heal us. When we’re struggling in our finances, we expect him to just provide. When we have other problems, we just expect God to fix them for us. But what are we doing in return? If we’re struggling in our finances, are we helping other people, helping feed the poor, or a friend or neighbor that we know is in need? If somethings wrong with our physical body, are we taking measures to do the things that we can do? Are you as healthy as you can be on your own? Or do you have high blood pressure but you’re constantly eating everything with salt so it makes it worse? The point I’m trying to make is we still have to do our part. You can have strong faith all day long, but it still takes some action on our part as well!

The whole point that I am trying to make is this. We set ourself up for failure when we expect things from other people, or even ourselves, but we aren’t willing to do anything about it. We expect our friends to not gossip and talk about us, but yet we talk about them. We expect others to help us, but we are not helping somebody else and helping meet their needs. We expect to have a healthy body, but continually feed it full of junk. We expect the promotions at work, but we are doing nothing to sharpen our skills on that job. We expect our kids to show up on time and be responsible people, but we are not showing them that example.  We expect our spouses to show us love and respect, yet we are always digging at them for things they do wrong, or pointing out every single flaw we feel they have.

So let me ask you today, who and where are you putting expectations on that you need to realize you need to do more in that area? Or some areas where you need to let go of expectations for your own peace of mind? I will never forget early on in my marriage something that happened along these lines. I told my husband of something I was going to do for a particular holiday. His response to me was that he supported me, and I could do that, but only on one condition. That one condition was that I could never expect that same thing to ever be returned to me from those people. I didn’t intentionally have expectations that it would be returned, but deep down I thought for sure they would want to return something similar down the road for me. So just like my husband told me, it never happened, it was never returned to me, and I got my feelings hurt. You see, I set myself up for that heartache. We all do it from time to time! Here is the thing though, people are always going to let us down at some point in life. Our spouses will disappoint us. Our friends will let us down. Our kids will forget us on Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day, or a birthday. Our bosses will let us down too. It’s life, and we will let people down as well, no matter how hard we try. To be in a healthier frame of mind, we have to get to a place where we realize that people in life will let us down, we have to lose those expectations, and just keep working hard in our relationships. We have to keep working hard in all areas of life, and know, and appreciate the good things in our lives! Instead of focusing on the people who have let us down and hurt us, let’s try focusing more on gratitude, and all the wonderful things that we do have in our lives! A gratitude practice will go along way in relieving some of this anxiety, pressures and hurt. Lose the expectations! Be grateful more and have expectations less! We are all humans! I think if we do this, we might find we are living more of a peaceful and purposeful life! If you find yourself setting expectations on other people, be humble enough to look inward and see your part. It’s okay if you have to apologize, ask them to forgive you, and change. Do you think your life will drastically change as well? I think it will! Give it a try!

With love for you all,

Shauna

I have been thinking all morning about dreams and vision. I read the scripture this morning that talks about writing down your vision. However, to write it down, you have to know it. There’s also a scripture in the Bible that says without a vision the people perish. If you don’t have a dream and a vision of how you’re going to obtain that dream, what are you chasing? Or, have you decided that your dream isn’t important because you don’t have it in you to chase that dream? Nobody ever promised that chasing our dreams would be an easy road, but can you just stop for a minute, and imagine that joy, and excitement you would feel when that dream becomes a reality? Maybe your dream was to have a child. What did you feel the second you saw that child? Complete elation? Love like your heart had never experienced? I believe that when we go after our dreams, that’s exactly what we feel.

Two year ago, I had a dream of starting this blog. I actually had on my vision board start a blog. I have now written 74 blogs, had over 4300 views on my blogs, 3000 visitors, and have over 60 people that faithfully follow me by receiving my emails, and that doesn’t count the ones who are following me on social media. Each time I write a blog, I hear from people thanking me for what I wrote, that it helped them, that it inspired them, that it was exactly what they needed to hear that day. I am not a writer. I have never taken any formal writing classes, writing was not a dream of mine growing up. What if I had let that stop me from starting this blog? What if I had let fear grip me? How many might not have heard a word on the exact day they needed it? I am so thankful that I pushed through and followed the dream.

Another dream of mine was writing a book. This too has been on my vision board. I knew that book had to be about the pain, and trauma that has occurred in my life, and how I made it through to the other side. This world is hurting and people need hope that it can be better. I wrote the book. Two weeks ago, I received the rough draft in the mail from the publisher. As I set on my couch at midnight reading it, I was overcome with such emotion. I left it all in the book. I told some very personal things, and at that very moment, I was overcome with emotions worried about some people. People who I speak of in the book, and how would they react? For a split second, I literally had the thought that I could not publish this book. I then had this thought. What if by not publishing this book a life isn’t impacted that needs to be? So the book will be published in a couple of weeks. I must do what I feel called to do.

So what dream have you had that you have pushed under the rug? A dream of a different job where you can help more people? A dream of writing a book? A dream of starting a blog? A dream of moving away from where you live? A dream of starting a new hobby? A dream of a family? A dream of a baby, however that looks for you? A dream of being a speaker? A dream of going back to school to further your education? Being a top producer in your company? Travelling more? What is your dream? Why are you not pursing it? What is stopping you? Do I have your mind turning? I sure hope I am challenging you right now to remember your dream and reignite that passion inside of you.

I recently heard that when Dr. Martin Luther King got up to give his now famous I Have A Dream speech that he didn’t even plan to tell people his dream. I don’t know why. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he thought the people would think he was crazy, I don’t know. Somebody behind him yelled out tell them your dream Martin. That person was a gospel singer by the name of Mahalia Jackson. Two things jump out at me about this story. First that he wasn’t going to tell them about his dream, and second that Mahalia Jackson had it in her to yell out during a speech. Would you have done that? I’m not sure I would have, but look what would have happened if she didn’t. I mean this is a powerful example of two people who influenced millions by a dream.

What is missing, and who is missing out because you’re not pursuing your dream? It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about your dream, it only matters what you think about your dream. It also doesn’t have to be big, and, whose definition of the size are you listening to anyway? I am just some lady from the mid-west without a college education, or formal writing skills, who had a dream of writing. I still have no idea where that’s going to take me, but I’m already feeling fulfilled, and have contentment that I can’t accurately put into words. Dig your dream back up, get the vision, and the roadmap for what it will take to get there, and don’t stop until you reach it. Make a plan! Write it down! Get out a peice of paper, and write down all your objections. Then, mark out all the objections, and exchange them for why you are going to do it. Seeing it in writing might spark that vision again and get you back on course.

I challenge each and every one of you today to spend some time digging that dream back out, dust off the cobwebs and get going toward chasing it. You’re missing out. Others are missing out. Don’t get to the end of your life, and have regrets, and have to say I sure I wish I had chased that. How very sad. Chase them now while you have breath in your body, and don’t let anybody stop you! I believe you can do whatever you set out to do!

With love for you all,

Shauna

I woke up this morning thinking about humility. I can’t shake it today. I had this urge to dive in and study it. I so want to live a life of humility and honor. Honor to other people. Honor to God. Honor to my family and friends. I want to be an humble person, not a person who always has to be right. Not a person who can’t say I’m sorry. Not a person who can’t see my wrongdoing in a situation. Not a person who only thinks about myself, and never about those around me. What does being humble mean to you? Preferring the other person, not being full of pride, not being selfish, taking responsibility for your actions, being grateful, seeking to add value to others? I read earlier that false humility is pridefulness in disguise. I pray that I never have a heart of false humility.

I don’t believe there’s any area in life that one shouldn’t show humility. Leaders should be humble. They should not think too highly of themselves, or their position. They should want the best for those they serve. They should want them to learn and grow, and live up to their potential. They should treat people with respect at all times. Someone who is not an humble leader only thinks about themselves, and what those under them can do for them. It’s a me, me, me mentality, and they never earn the trust of the people beneath them. An humble leader will get down in the trenches with anybody and work right beside others. They’re not afraid to get their hands dirty. That’s how much they believe in the cause, and in the people. A great leader wants as much for those under them as they want for themselves. I believe in the time we are in right now, there’s a real opportunity for great leaders to step up and make life long differences in people’s lives. There’s a real need for humble leaders.

What about in a marriage. What does humility look like in a marriage? Being able to say I’m sorry. Being able to say I messed up. Being able to say I’m not perfect, but I love, honor and respect you, and I want to try. Being able to realize when your spouse needs all your focus, and everyone else will have to wait in line for your full attention. Being able to say I am struggling right now, and I need you. You’ve probably heard the saying that being in love means never having to say I’m sorry, but that is one of the most untrue statements I have ever heard. A relationship is just two imperfect people trying to do life together. Because we are imperfect, we are going to make mistakes. Being humble is being able to show your spouse the grace they need when they mess up, and hoping they do the same for you. Being humble is not making the relationship totally about you and your needs alone.

What about humility in friendships? Yes, we must show humility in friendships. Friendships should be give and take. One friend should not always being giving and the other always taking. That’s being selfish, and making it all about you. I’m sorry, but that’s not a real friendship, not even close! There will be times, just like in any relationship, where one needs something more than the other. You won’t always both be doing great. You won’t always both be happy and fulfilled. Sometimes, one may be more needy than the other. Sometimes, one may need more love, and attention, and grace over the other. One may sometimes just need you to be there, and understand they’re going through something, not judging them for their actions. That is true humility in a friendship.

How about being humble in success? Are you one who is grateful for the success you have had, and doesn’t constantly brag about it? Or, do you constantly have to remind everyone you come in contact with how successful you are? There’s a fine line here in being proud. By all means, please be so proud of your successes, you absolutely should be, but being humble means that not everybody has to know or hear about it. Being humble means being successful and sometimes shutting up about it.

I read a quote that said “Humility isn’t some grand achievement or even overcoming some major challenge. It is a sign of spiritual strength. It is having the quiet confidence that day by day and hour by hour we can rely on the Lord, serve Him, and achieve His purposes.” Ezra Benson said “Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.” Are you serving a cause, and serving others or serving your ego? Something to think about!

So where do you find yourself today? Living a life of pride or living a life of humility? Do you always have to be right? My sincere prayer is that I am living a life of humility, and am willing to put in the work if I’m not. My sincere prayer is that I put others before myself. My sincere prayer is that I am always able to see my wrongdoings, and ask for forgiveness if I need to. In Proverbs there is a scripture that talks about pride going before a fall. I have had to fall at times in my life to have pride dealt with, it’s not a fun place to find yourself. I don’t want that for you today. I don’t want that for me. Choose to show humility always, in all things. Choose others over being selfish. The world will be a better place, and more importantly, you and I will lead more fulfilling lives, and make a difference in the world. Don’t we need more people like that right now? There’s no better way to add value to others, and to this world than by living a life full of humility.

With love for you all,

Shauna