Shauna's Sisters

If I asked you today are you chasing success or significance, what would you say? Honestly, until very recently, I could not have answered that question. Obviously I know what each word means, but I had never stopped long enough to really study them to know what they meant in the context of their differences. Everybody seems to be chasing success, whatever that means to each person. Success is preached in every seminar in every country. Everybody has what others need to be successful.

I was listening to a John Maxwell podcast last week and he asked that question. Before I tell you how he describes them, let’s look at what Webster has to say about them:

success

Definition of success

1a: degree or measure of succeeding b: favorable or desired outcome also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence

significance

Definition of significance

1a: something that is conveyed as a meaning often obscurely or indirectly b: the quality of conveying or implying

Does that make it clear for you? Me either, so let me put it in layman’s terms. Success is something you chase for yourself, and significance is not only for you, but what you do for others. Make more sense? So let me ask you again. Are you chasing success or significance?

What does success mean to you? To some, they have reached a level of success when their business is the #1 business in their industry in their area. To some it’s when they are able to buy that million dollar mansion, luxury car, travel anytime they want and run with the most “successful” people in their town. So, it turns out that I’m not chasing that level of success. I can answer that question easily. My house is 1000 square feet, I drive a 5 year old Toyota Camry, and my husband an even older Toyota Tundra, but my house is cozy, beautifully decorated, and full of love. Our cars are nice, we have a boat and we travel every year. So to me, I have reached a level of success. We own our home. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with either, I’m just showing you that success means different things to different people. No right or wrong answer to what success means to you. Don’t feel like I’m preaching if you’re that person chasing what I first described.

To some success means owning their own company, but to others success is having a job they love, where they can grow, make a difference, and make a decent income. Again, no wrong or right answer, just a different description of success. I have a friend in my town who owns her own business and she once told me, I don’t need to be #1 in town, I just want to have a reputable business where people say I do a good job, I can travel and have a good life, and so can my employees. I remember thinking that’s so honorable. That my friend was my first experience with the difference between success and significance. My friend is chasing significance, and I didn’t even realize it at the time.

So let’s talk significance. To me significance is giving back to enhance the lives of others. Significance was knowing when I wrote my book that my goal was to help one person, and it did. To most authors, the number of books I sold would not be considered a success, but I wasn’t chasing success. I wanted to make a difference and help somebody else. Success wasn’t important to me. I’ve heard the comments that I probably wouldn’t sell very many, and that’s okay! However, just this week I heard stories from two different people about the impact of my book, and I don’t even know these people! To most, having less than 100 followers on a blog would not spell success, but again, I hear over and over from people that they needed what I wrote on a particular day. No, I am not making money off of my blogs so to most of the world, I am not considered a successful blogger.

Significance is what can I do to change my world. Significance is what can you do to change your world. If you were blessed in life, do you look for ways to give back, or do you only hang with people who are like you, and spend your money on luxuries with no concern with those less fortunate? Only you can answer that question for yourself. Just like only I can answer that question for me.

Significance is random acts of kindness. Significance is giving to people who can’t pay you back, and that’s not just with money. Significance is raising kids who care about others, and care about the world we live in, and those less fortunate. Significance is giving up things to help your family and friends who need your help in their season of sickness, or of loss of a job, or death. Significance is choosing kindness. Significance is being thankful for your employees, and treating them with respect, appreciating their gifts, and what they bring to your company. Significance is not being selfish, and only thinking of your success. Significance is getting up every single day and asking yourself how can I add value to somebody today.

So I will ask you one more time, are you chasing success or significance? Chase success all day long, but strive for significance. Not only will you change your own life, but you will change the lives of others. You will impact lives that you may never even know, and on your deathbed you will be able to say, I lived a life worth being proud of. I left a legacy for as many people as I can. Today, I am chasing significance. Are you with me?

With love for you all,

Shauna

Are you messy in the kitchen? I am the absolute messiest person in the kitchen. I’m always wearing it, it’s always all over the stove, all over the countertops, sometimes on the floor, and sometimes on the cabinets. However, what comes from that mess is a beautifully set table, and a delicious meal. I may be messy in the kitchen, but I’m a really good cook, and a baker. You might wonder why I’m starting out today talking about a messy kitchen. I feel like it’s a great analogy to life. What do I mean you might ask? Well, it might look okay in the beginning, but it’s real messy in the middle, things might look totally out of control until the struggle and hard work pay off, but then you can present something you’re proud of. Life is messy in the middle and that’s okay! I live, and have lived my entire life being a perfectionist so messy is very hard for me. Can you relate?

You see, this actually come quite naturally to me. My mom, and my aunts are all perfectionist so it’s quite possibly in my DNA. I grew up in an immaculate house watching my mom be an amazing cook, make the holidays perfect, all the while everything she did, she strove for perfection. It’s also quite possible that it stems from past relationships, the way they made me feel about myself, and the things I had to do to feel loved, and accepted. Being told I couldn’t do something, or that I didn’t look good enough, or speak well enough, or cook well enough drove me to make sure I could not only do those things, but do them perfectly! Not the healthiest way to bring out your perfectionist side.

Do you ever find yourself scrolling through Instagram and seeing all these “perfect” people, who have it all, and have it all together. SO IT APPEARS!!!! I have said it before, and I will say it again that nobody is posting about fighting with their spouse this morning before work. Nobody is posting pictures of their burnt meal from last night! Nobody is posting, well only the few honest ones, are posting that their kids were terrors this morning, it was a terrible morning before school, and their kid went to school looking like they slept in their clothes, and their hair wasn’t combed. Stop comparing yourself to all these super women that you’re following on social media! You know life is not always what people post! Comparison is the biggest thief of joy! I’m going to tell you right now that there’s not a woman out there that completely has it all together like it looks on social media, unless maybe they have a lot of help! My meals are always delicious, and my table always pretty, but I’m not put together in my appearance in order to accomplish all of that! Typically my hair is in a bun on top my head and I’m in sweats! It’s a struggle for me to be ready for a dinner party with everything being good, and perfect, and me looking presentable. Am I speaking to anyone out there today? Is anybody shouting amen!?

I believe if we’re always striving for perfection, we are missing the messy parts in the middle, the parts that make the experience worthwhile! If you’re always worried about your appearance, not stopping to smell the roses, or enjoy the raindrops on your face, or the snowflakes on your nose, look at what you’re missing! I know, I am a recovering perfectionist! I would never roll down my window to enjoy the fresh crisp air because it may mess my hair up! I hate the rain because again, it messes up my hair. Get my drift? I used to never indulge in sweet tasting things because of the perception that I had to look a certain way, and be a perfect certain size! There was never any room in my life for anything less than perfection! As I look back over my 46 years, I realize just how much fun I have missed out on! And boy, talk about uptight!

I heard this morning on a John Maxwell podcast that we don’t have to be THE best, we simply have to be OUR best! Wow!! We can’t be the best version of someone else anyway!! Let that sink in!! Why are we always comparing ourselves to others? Just be the best version of yourself! Be the healthiest, be good in the kitchen and learn new things, be the best wife, mother, husband, significant other, friend that you can be, and strive to do better every day, but don’t strive for perfection! Don’t miss out on the messy parts in the middle that make you your best! Life is a journey, life is full of lessons to be learned. We are all going to mess up! We’re all going to make mistakes! But that’s what makes us better!

I’m not going to be Joanna Gaines! I’m not going to be Betty Crocker! I’m not going to be that bodybuilder that’s competing on stage! They are all being the best version of themselves with the gifts, and the talents that they have. I must get good at using my gifts and talents and being better every single day to add value to other people, not trying to be like any of the people I named! Not striving for some appearance of perfection. Can I be Joanna Gaines like? Yes! Can I be Betty Crocker like? Yes! Can I be some version of that picture of health I stare at? Yes, but it will be my version of what that looks like with the things I am good at.

Let me shift gears for a minute and talk about your place of work. Are you part of a team? Have you ever found yourself trying so hard to be perfect because you were trying to be like somebody else on your team, or outdo them, or outshine them? Stop and think about why you were hired. You were hired because you have a talent or a gift that the leaders felt like you uniquely brought to the team. Those other people were brought on to the team for the same reason. There is no I in team. Every single position on the team has a purpose, and a role. Stop trying to be perfect, and better than anybody else on your team, and just work on your talents! The team will be more successful when all players just simply do their best toward a common goal. We all serve a purpose on the teams that we are on, and rewarded all the more when success comes from everybody adding their strengths. So stop being jealous if you think somebody else is getting more recognition, or if you think the bosses like them more. Just keep working on your skills, and what you bring to the table, and contribute to the team! In the end, everybody wins!

I hope today that if you find yourself down about yourself, down about your life, down because you don’t think you’re perfect, that you will stop chasing perfection. I hope that you will stop the game of comparison. Those things will steal your joy! Life is hard enough right now with everything we have to deal with! Don’t add unnecessary stress to yourself! Just wake up every day and strive to be your best. Strive to be your beautiful unique self, whatever that looks like. That’s all anybody should expect of you! That’s all you should expect of yourself. And when you mess up, because you will mess up, show yourself some grace! You did the best you could!

With love for you all,

Shauna

As I woke up and started my day today, I received a text from one of my aunts informing me that someone we know, someone who is close to our family, passed away this morning from Covid. She was not even 60 years old. As I thought about her, and the support she gave my mom over the years during some of her struggles, the support she gave my book this year, and the review she left me, I was so very saddened. Why do the good people have to die? I actually said that out loud coming home from picking up my groceries. I have heard of people passing all year long from this terrible pandemic, but this was the first person I personally knew to pass from it. Somehow, that puts things more in perspective.

I came to my office to do a few things this morning, and my calendar today was a stark reminder of life, and what matters. It’s the image above. The things I have gotten so wrapped up in life simply don’t matter. Trivial things that are really pretty silly. My appearance, who likes me, who doesn’t, am I the best at everything, why am I such a perfectionist, and on, and on. Can you relate? We get so incredibly wrapped up in the things of life that truly do not matter, and fail to slow down, and appreciate all the amazing things that do matter!

Have you ever found yourself guilty of friend drama? Of office drama? Of worrying about the Jones’ and what they have that you don’t? What about your spouse’s ex, or your ex, or those people who have hurt you? How many days and nights have you spent upset over other people? How many days and nights have you spent wondering why some people have things that you don’t when they don’t deserve to have those things. At least, we think they don’t deserve it. How about wasting almost an entire year worried about my career path and what I would do to pay my bills? Did you do that this year? If only I could go back to March and see that things were going to work out, and that things didn’t just happen to me, they actually happened for me.

As I set reflecting today, I wish I had slowed down this year, and enjoyed the pause rather than fighting it. I wish I had not spent so many sleepless nights freaked out by change. When I actually stop, I can see all the blessings I have in my life. I am so incredibly thankful today for the lessons I learned, good, bad and ugly. I’ve hurt, I’ve been scared, I’ve most likely hurt others, but I have also grown. My husband and I are healthy. We have great jobs for companies we love. The kids are healthy. We have a nice roof over our head and food on the table. Our bills get paid every single month! We have amazing friends beside us. We have amazing family that love us. Those are all that matter! God has sustained us! God has protected us! God has kept us!

My heart is in pain today, but so full of gratitude and thanksgiving. If I left the world today, I feel I have made wrongs right, loved, been passionate, and left some kind of positive influence, and legacy for those I have been blessed to be in their life. However, I am here another day, and each day of 2021 that I wake up, I shall choose to be unstoppable. I choose to work hard! I choose to love hard, and hopefully impact lives in a positive way, and leave other lives better than I found them. Will you join me? Will you be changed? Will you be better? What will you do? Let’s all strive to make this one life we’ve been given an amazing one! We all have a chance today to make important changes! Let’s reflect and make them in the coming year!

With love for you all,

Shauna

I am going to let you all listen in today as I preach to myself! I have been fighting discouragement the last couple of days. I have been fighting with the gifts that I know God gave me. I have been letting the harshness of the world attempt to change my heart! Ever been there? Ever questioned why you are in the place in your life that you are? Ever question the people that are in your life? Ever wonder why you give so much, and at times you’re basically slapped in the face? I guess the obvious answer is if you never take chances in life, and never let the world see your heart, you would be safe from ever getting hurt. This; however, is not how I was wired.

There are times when our gifts in life sometimes seem like a curse. Are you the type of person who does too much for people? Who wants more for people? Who sees people’s potential, and wants them to be better? I believe this type of person has a servant’s heart. I believe this type of person has gifts that are sometimes hard to live with because they come with a price. They come with heartache. They come with disappointment. They come with pain because you can give with not only little return, but just outright disregard for your feelings.

A person with a servant’s heart gets taken advantage of. People use and take these people for granted thus causing great discouragement. When you want so much more for others, and are sometimes treated with total disregard, it’s painful. I’m not going to lie, it can hurt! Alternatively, what unbelievable reward also comes with these gifts. When you impact a life in a positive way, you will find the most amazing fulfillment. Sometimes we must experience the bad to also experience the good! Hear me though, if you have the opportunity to change a life, please do it! It may take years to reap the rewards of the labor, nonetheless, it will come!

You must decide whether you will continue making a difference, and risk getting hurt, or if you will play it safe, guard your heart, and suppress your calling. This is as much for myself as it is for you, but hear me today. Never let people change you, or your heart! You see, you will get hurt, we must expect it! People will take advantage! People will use you, but you know what? God made you the way he did because he needs you! He made you just the way he did because people need you! It’s a given that you will get knocked down, but get back up! You have a calling regardless of whether anyone appreciates you or not! You will impact lives! Whether you are ever told that, I assure you, you will impact lives in ways you never dreamed possible! Don’t let a harsh world, or ungrateful people turn your heart dark!

When you have a servants heart, you want more for people! You want people to do and be better, but no amount of wanting is going to change them, or make them want what you want! Even if it’s better things for them. You can’t force things! Some day they may see what they’re capable of; however, they may never see it! They may never live up to their potential. We can’t get discouraged by this. We can simply try to be the light people need at a particular time!

Let’s choose today not to lose our inspiration! You see, somebody needs our inspiration! Somebody need us to encourage them, and believe in them. Don’t get discouraged! Let’s choose not to entertain thoughts of giving up! We can’t save everybody! Let me encourage us all today, somebody needs us just like we are!

Please don’t let life harden your heart! Listen, if you need encouraged today, go encourage someone else! It will lift your spirit! The world needs you today just as you are! You were given gifts that only you have! You are a gift in the lives of others that only you can be! Hear me out! Get out there and be your crazy, wacky, emotional giving self! Somebody today needs YOU! You are in somebody’s life for a reason! Risk getting hurt because when you’re a blessing, you will be blessed! When you help change a life, your life will be forever changed! The rewards far outweigh the pain.

I want to strive to add value to others. Will you join me?

With love for you all,

Shauna

Do you have family traditions? If so, are they still important to you? Do you carry them on? Webster says this about tradition: the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction. Over the past few days, I have been thinking quite a great deal about traditions, and the importance of them. I read recently that traditions bring a sense of comfort, and they reinforce values. There are two different kinds of people when it comes to tradition. Those who do not continue them, who don’t see their relevance or importance, and those who do them come hell or high-water! To some, traditions are made to be broken. To some, absolutely nothing stops them. Which side do you find yourself on today?

I think in the world we find ourselves in, traditions need to not only be kept, but celebrated! We need things in 2020 to bring us a sense of comfort and belonging. For so many of us, this year has looked different, and unlike any other year in our existence. I’m mourning the fact that there is a good chance my mom won’t be able to return to Indiana for Christmas. If she does not, it will be the first time in my 46 years that I will spend Christmas without my mother. While I am so grateful she’s alive, and healthy, and I can see her in 2021, it still hurts. I know so many of you can relate to this today. Whether you live away from your family, or have lost them, not seeing them for the holidays hurts. These are the exact reasons we need to bring back those family traditions that maybe before this year, we had began to take for granted, or they have been forgotten.

When I spent the first Christmas with my husband, and his kids, in 2008, I began a tradition of everyone getting a new ornament for Christmas. I would carefully choose an ornament for them that related to something they were doing in their lives at the time. Some day, when the kids are older and move out, they will get their box of ornaments. I never thought it meant much to them, but still, I knew some day it would. I almost talked myself of doing the ornaments this year, they’re 17 and 22, and they won’t miss them I thought. Then one day recently, it hit me. Some day, this tradition will mean something to them, when they’re putting each ornament on their tree, they can tell their kids what each one meant. I had to shake myself and realize the importance of this tradition.

As I think back over my childhood, the traditions that stood out to me were not just at Christmas. Every Easter, my brother and I would wake up to our Easter basket sitting outside our bedroom doors. My mom would always make our Easter outfits, and my gift was always a matching purse for my dress. Each year, she would carefully hand pick a purse to match my new Easter dress and shoes. I still remember this excitement. For Christmas, we would always be at my grandparents, all 12 of my aunts and uncles and 17 cousins. Today, with spouses and great grandchildren, there are 86 of us, and we still enjoy getting together when possible. Those are the things that define my childhood. Things I hope I never forget! We always had the same meal, and papaw always would say children calm down, we’re going to pray. With each prayer, he would cry and tell us how thankful he was we were all together, and pray blessings over our family. I never ever want to forget the things that made it our family.

I can still remember Mamaw getting her nicest chinaware out, and her old glasses, the small salt and pepper shakers and making the table pretty. This is one of my very favorite things to do. Each year as my step-kids are here for Christmas, I get out the good stuff, and take pride in making the table pretty. Will they remember that? I don’t know, but it makes me proud, and makes me think of watching my Mamaw do this with pride and love in her heart.

Maybe your tradition is Christmas Eve service, or picking out the family tree and decorating it, or a certain cookie, or matching pajamas, or telling the Christmas story, or so many other things. Whatever the tradition was, don’t throw it away this year. If it’s been forgotten, bring it back. If you never had traditions, start them! We all need comfort in 2020. We all need a sense of belonging. Even though it may look different than in years past, be thankful you have the memory, and create new ones.

So let me shake you a bit today. Let me arouse those warm feelings deep in your soul for those maybe wacky and crazy traditions that made your family, your family! Let it bring a smile to your face, a warmth in your heart, and thoughts of days gone by. Today, I’m buying ornaments, and making Russian teacakes like my mom did, and counting my blessings that I have traditions to remember! I believe that some day we will look back, and find that those things we thought were small, were in fact very big things!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Hallmark Movies! What feeling does that bring to you when you hear it? Well, I already know that several people will scroll on passed this, and not read this blog when they see the title! It’s okay, I get it! I can already tell you which of my friends are rolling their eyes at me this very second! Yeah, I see you out there! I know how much you’re laughing that I love these silly Christmas movies! I am; however, very secure in myself, and I don’t care who makes fun of me! I love them, and I literally could sit from November 1st until Christmas Day, and do nothing but watch Hallmark in my comfy clothes! Yep, I’m that person! Guilty as charged! No shame here! I think I should buy the Hallmark sweater!

Before you start judging, hear me out! Christmas is very hard for some people. I never truly understood this until recent years. I have a huge family. Christmas get togethers used to be huge, and loud, and obnoxious, yet amazing! That’s what the holidays used to be for me! Although I would feel sorry for those who struggled around the holidays, I never understood anyone struggling this time of year. Age has a way of changing things. I rarely see my brother for Christmas, and this year my mom may not be able to return to Indiana because of COVID. I have been dealing with a great deal of depression over this in recent weeks. I now understand how some can struggle. Christmas is not a happy time of year for so many. For some, it brings feelings of loss, depression, and reminds them they’re alone. I agree, it’s the most wonderful time of the year to so many of us, but it really isn’t for everybody. If you have friends and family struggling, make an extra effort to check in this year.

As I set on Sunday and pretty much did nothing the entire day except watch Hallmark, it dawned on me that although they’re predictable, and although they always have a happy ending, and they’re sappy, there is still something to be learned from these Christmas movies. Here are the things I feel we can learn from Hallmark Christmas movies:

Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, Forgiveness, Giving, Sometimes life doesn’t look like we think it should, yet it turns out, and the importance of home

Let me play devil’s advocate for a minute because somebody is for sure going to say these movies also make people feel worse. To some they will see people living in fantasy land and that draws attention to what is lacking in their own lives. While I agree that to some these fantasies are not healthy, to some of us, it’s a way of escape from feelings of sadness for the 120 minutes they’re on. So let me ask you, is it so bad if we take a minute during this holiday season to reflect on the fact that maybe we need to love a little more? Maybe we need to forgive a little more. Maybe we need to enjoy the people in our lives a little more. Call it corny, but I’m going to say a large resounding NO! While I sincerely doubt anybody will ever call these movies classics, I do believe the messages they are trying to portray are not bad.

Back to how I started this. I am not trying to convince anyone to watch Christmas movies on Hallmark. In fact, this isn’t truly about Hallmark it all. It’s about the feelings that are invoked by what we do this time of year. We must find the things that heal our hearts. We must find the things that heal our minds. We must find the things that truly bring us joy, those are the things we should focus on. Those are the things we need to spend this month doing. It’s been a crazy hard year, and many are still struggling. Many are still fighting depression and anxiety. So if watching Hallmark Christmas movies brings you joy then watch on. If listening to Christmas music brings you joy then I say listen from Halloween to Christmas. Whatever brings your heart some peace, and some joy, do it, binge it, and take it all in. If this crazy year of 2020 has taught me anything, it’s to slow down, have a lot more faith, things will work out, and I need to focus more on joy. So go ahead and sneak a cheesy Hallmark movie, I won’t tell! I wish you all faith, love, joy, blessings, and health!

With love for you all,

Shauna

I was recently on a flight coming home from a few days away. As we were close to home, about to land in Indianapolis, I looked out my window, and saw the most amazing, and vivid landscape of color that I had ever seen. It’s fall in Indiana and growing up here, I have seen the colors before, but maybe I had never seen them from the air, or I had just never stopped to appreciate the beauty. I instantly grabbed for my phone and began taking pictures. Nothing I was taking was capturing the beauty of what my eyes were seeing. I wasn’t happy about this. A couple of days after I returned home, it rained. After the rain came a beautiful rainbow. You could see the entire thing, other than where it started and stopped. Again I ran for my phone, but nothing was capturing the beauty of what my eyes were seeing, just like the day on the plane. In that moment, something said deep inside of me that some things are supposed to be seen and felt, and not captured with a camera.

How often do we miss out on life’s little moments because we’re too busy grabbing for our phone to take a picture? A picture that we will most likely never look at again once we post it to social media? My guess is often! Why is it that we live in a world where everything must be posted? I’m just as guilty, so I am not preaching anything to anybody out there! We are all guilty! I’m just wondering what would happen in our lives, and to our relationships if we simply stopped for a minute, took a deep breath, and actually let ourselves enjoy the moment. What if we didn’t care if we posted some masterpiece photo. Now, if you’re a professional photographer, totally different situation! I’m just simply saying that life is passing us all by little by little and we’re not enjoying, not appreciating the beauty that is all around us. We’re not truly enjoying our time with friends and family because we’re too busy trying to capture the perfect photo. Is this resonating with anyone else today? Maybe it’s just me. Maybe this message is just for me, I don’t know, but it was a wake up call of sorts.

I for one plan to, from this day forward, to start making a conscious choice to enjoy the beauty of nature a little more. I plan to start enjoying my time with family and friends a little more. I plan to stop caring so much if I have the perfect photo to capture for the world, but rather bask in the beauty of the moment, and truly feel it, and savor it. It’s more important to me at this point in my life to know that when I come to my final days on earth, I actually lived life rather than having to admit that life lived me. I want to be proud of the amazing landscapes my eyes were blessed to behold! I want to be proud that my relationships in life meant more than a single photo for a bunch of strangers who will never be able to feel what I felt in that moment. I hope today that you will join me, and start living your life a little more! The small moments count, and add up to the really big things that will fill your memories forever! No phone or camera will ever be able to capture those feelings!

With love for you all,

Shauna

As I set writing this, the day before mine and Chad’s 11th wedding anniversary, I am saddened thinking about all the divorces I have heard of this year. It’s like every day another celebrity, another motivational speaker, another couple announces the end of their marriage. What have we created in our homes that made all of this togetherness we have experienced this year a bad thing? Where has our focus turned to? We used to hear we don’t have enough time to spend together, and when we’re given that time, instead of seeing the blessing in it, we grow tired of each other. What a sad day we live in. Now I’m not naive enough to think this has all stemmed from too much togetherness. We have had stress this year unlike anything I’ve experienced in my lifetime. Jobs lost or hours cut meaning less money, yet bills still remain. That’s a domino effect that then touches every aspect of life. Stress, depression, and anxiety are rampant.

Chad and I are surviving this year. We survived a lay off for me, a year of growth for me, publishing a book, the start of a new job, exhaustion of overtime for Chad trying to make up for my lost income, and a kid moving back in. Yes, like all of you, we’ve had a crazy year that could have wreaked havoc. I won’t lie, we’ve had some darker days, as I’m sure some of you have as well, but I’m proud to say we’ve made it. Please don’t think I am tooting any horns here, or judging you if your marriage didn’t survive. It all makes my heart hurt, but I’m proud that with God’s help our marriage turned a corner this year. You see, we’ve just come through a couple of really hard years. It’s been maybe the hardest two years not only of our marriage, but to me personally in my adult life. This year, even with the hard things, we are reaping the fruits of our labor and hard work on our relationship. The thing that got me through the tough days this year was knowing without a shadow of doubt that Chad had my back and was with me 100% of the time. You see, those dark days proved to me that he was here, for the long haul, and he wasn’t going to hurt me.

You might say that’s really great for you, as you roll your eyes, and think I’m just gloating. Far from what I’m doing. I never gloat. Marriage is hard and anybody that says otherwise isn’t telling the truth. Chad and I had a pretty easy 9 years until 2018 and then I had a couple of really hard emotional years that took a serious tow on our marriage. You have to make a conscience choice every day to get up and to work hard, love the other person when you don’t really like them, and be humble enough to know when you need to get help. You have to be vulnerable, both of you. You have to remember what made you fall in love to begin with, and decide each day to work through the hard things.

Statistically speaking, Chad and I had a pretty low chance of making it. We both brought baggage from previous marriages, he had children so we became a blended family, we dealt with fertility struggles, I had some deep emotional issues from abuse, and honestly neither one of us had the examples of good marriage role models in our parents’ marriages. I don’t say that to belittle our parents’ efforts because I know they tried. I just say that to say that the cards were against us from the very beginning.

I am for sure not the expert on marriage, in fact, very far from it, but I have come to realize that what you focus on expands. If I continually focus on all of Chad’s weaknesses and he continually focus on mine, we have no chance. If we both continually focus on the fact that we dearly love each other, and want to work hard to make this the best marriage for us both, our marriage will flourish. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship, but take off your rose-colored glasses and be honest about how bad things truly are. Don’t be so quick to throw in the towel when things get hard. There’s unbelievable satisfaction and joy when you succeed, and when you look back with pride that you made it! Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. Marriage is not like what you see on the movies. Don’t put those expectations on it, or you will set yourself up for failure.

Hopefully today, if you’re struggling in your relationship, you will make the choice to stop and really take a deeper look. Ask yourself, am I choosing the easy path by wanting to leave this relationship, or are there deeper issues that I can work on to save it. For me, I chose to get professional help for those things from my past that I had not dealt with so Chad and I had a fighting chance. Even if something has happened in your marriage, there can still be forgiveness and there can still be healing. You see, we are all imperfect people trying to make it. We will screw up. We will hurt each other, we’re human, but despite the flaws, despite sometimes the pain we can cause either other, there can be restoration, and you can create that relationship that you are so proud of. Nobody is perfect, but don’t focus on that! Remember, what you focus on expands! For those dealing with divorce during this awful time, my heart, and prayers go out to you, and I hurt for you. I pray you come through it stronger, grow through it, and don’t let it take you down! Focus on healing and focus on better days ahead! Let’s all choose today to focus on better days ahead! I truly believe there can be growth in all relationships in 2020!

With love for you all,

Shauna