Tag: life

What is Happening to me?

There’s so much pressure on women as we age to keep looking a certain way. Be this size. Look that young. Meanwhile, men are out here divorcing and marrying younger women with perfect little bodies. For the record, I couldn’t care less about age—I’ve had two husbands who were both ten years older than me. But let’s be real: society tells us that men “get better with age,” while women just get labeled “frumpy.”

Our bodies don’t look like they did in our 20s or 30s or even 40s. Hollywood makes it worse (and sometimes a little funny—if you’ve seen It’s Complicated or Four Seasons, you know what I mean). And the hot flashes? Don’t even get me started. I finally understand why women chop off their hair, live with a bun on top of their head, and can’t stand clothes touching their skin. Men? They get to be called “distinguished” with their grey hair or even “sexy” when they go bald. Women? Grey hair just makes us look older.

I don’t even know where to start with all the changes happening to my body. But let me tell you why I’m writing this: I think so many people don’t realize what menopause really puts us through.

Take my mirror, for example. I used to have the tiniest waist of all my girlfriends. Now? It’s gone. I’ve got a gut that never existed before. Add brain fog so bad I can’t remember names half the time, dry eyes that make contacts impossible, and now I’m that woman with glasses on all the time. Grey hair is creeping in. And, of course, we dye it blonde to cover it, only to get side-eyes for that. Oh, and let’s not forget the random armpit fat—seriously, where does that even come from? Some days, I don’t even recognize the person staring back at me.

And then there’s sleep. Or rather, the lack of it. Our brains need it. Our bodies need it. Yet somehow, it slips away the minute we need it most. I wore my Apple Watch to bed recently to track my sleep, and you know what it told me? Ten minutes. Ten minutes of deep sleep all night. Add five wake-ups—thank you, hot flashes—and I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.

So if you’ve got a woman in your life who isn’t herself right now, hear me on this: she may just be tired. Exhausted. Maybe even wondering if she’s losing her mind because she can’t think straight anymore.

I hear other women say, “This body bore kids, and sure, it shows—but it was worth it.” And I sit there thinking… my body didn’t bear kids, so why do I look like this? Shouldn’t I look like I did in high school? Of course, no one’s saying that to me—but that’s where my brain goes. I don’t have the “excuse” of pregnancy for the changes, so I judge myself even harder.

These changes can stop us in our tracks. And while I am deeply grateful to be alive and committed to aging gracefully, we have to be honest: this takes processing. Husbands, partners—listen up. This is a new version of us. We didn’t ask for her. We don’t even know her yet. But she’s here, and we’re learning to deal with her too.

Now, I’ll be honest. I haven’t had the mood swings or the “bitchiness” people talk about. But I have faced depression. The kind where you wonder if you’re making any difference at all, if you’re living in your purpose, if you’ll leave the world better than you found it.

For years, I fought hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I was scared. With no kids and a hysterectomy in my past, I thought the odds were stacked against me, and quite frankly, I was scared of cancer. But then I read The New Menopause by Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Game-changer. Every woman needs to read that book. So now, I have another appointment with my nurse practioner next week to finally say “I’m ready.”

Let me be clear: I’m not advocating for letting yourself go. I still love dressing up, looking great, and feeling confident. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a struggle. Getting dressed is a struggle. Doing my hair only to have a hot flash and it look like I didn’t comb it, is a struggle. Feeling pretty is a struggle, and don’t come at me for being honest.

Take this Wednesday when I fly. I’ll have my protein bars and grass-fed beef sticks packed, because that’s what I should eat. But the truth? What I’ll really want is that overpriced glass of airplane wine and two little biscotti cookies.

Because that’s life in this stage. A little discipline, a little indulgence, and a whole lot of grace for ourselves.

With love for you all,

Shauna

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Make Today Count: Say What Needs to Be Said

This morning at 7:53 a.m., my phone dinged with a text from my sister-in-law. The information in that text was something we feared was coming; however, it still wasn’t the news I wanted to hear. My other sister-in-law her sister had passed away. Almost two weeks ago, Val had been found unconscious from a brain aneurysm and never woke up. Val is my age, in fact, slightly younger. Just 5 months ago, Val tragically had to bury her husband. These should be the best years of our lives. Empty nesters, enough years in our jobs to be making decent money, things starting to be paid off, and more time to enjoy life, but sometimes those things don’t come. Sometimes life doesn’t happen like it “should”.

I have been thinking about Val all day today. She was always the first person on any given holiday to text me, despite the time difference between Colorado and Indiana. She would always text when she was going to be flying anywhere to see if, by some chance, I would be flying through that airport. If I had known that the texts we exchanged just three short weeks ago would be the last text, I would have texted a little longer. We were both busy, and she was planning a trip here in June, so I went about my day, as did she. But today, those texts are just memories. The necklace she sent for Christmas means something different and the name plate that sits on desk will forever remind me of that gift from her.

Let me ask you: Are you putting off trips to see people you love, people you need to forgive, letters you need to write, things you want to do until tomorrow? What if tomorrow doesn’t come? I lost my dad three years ago with so much that needed to be said, and now I can’t say them. I had things I needed him to say, and I will never hear them. Why do we wait until some time in the future and think we have plenty of time?

What if we don’t have as much time as we want? You have heard me say before that I do not want to be that statistic that you so often hear that the most untapped potential lies in a graveyard. Maybe you need to write that book. Maybe you need to tell your family more often how much you love them. Maybe you need to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Maybe you need to take that chance. Maybe you need to risk your heart being broken and fall in love. Maybe you need to be a better person. Hear me today, let’s all just do that thing today and do it with urgency!

To my friends and family, I love you! I love you deeply, and I hope you all know what you mean to me. To those I have wronged, I am sorry! Please find it in your heart to forgive me! Not for me, but for you. Find peace for you! To those who cheer me on every day, support, mentor, coach, and believe in me, thank you from the bottom of my heart! To those who have played a role in my success, I hope I am making you proud, and living my purpose!

I implore you today to choose to live with more urgency. Choose today to live like it could be your last. Be your future self right now! Be proud of yourself, chase those dreams, and do those things you’re putting off for tomorrow, today! Be diligent about your calling and your work! Live with passion and purpose! Love more, hate less, and have more fun! Just start living! Just start doing those things you’re putting off. Just start saying the things you want to say! Do it and do it today because you may not have the time you think you have. There may not be a tomorrow.

With love for you all, Shauna

Are you fully committed?

My coach recently recommended that I read the book Be Your Future Self Now by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. If you have not read that book, order it now! I dried up a highlighter in the first half of the book! No joke! Guys! When I say it hit me square between the eyes this week, I am not kidding! In one of the steps, Dr. Hardy talks about eliminating lesser goals. This is the chapter that got me, and now I know one of the reasons my coach told me to read this book! It has got me doing some major reflection this week.

Listen to this statement from the book: “Anything that isn’t taking you toward your future self is a lesser goal.” I have had to admit this week that my actions are not aligning with what I say I want. My actions do not align with my goals of my future self.

You might wonder exactly what this means. Think about this. One of my goals over the past year has been to lose the 50 pounds I gained after Covid. I have been taking steps to lose weight and have lost 23 pounds, but I have used the excuse of my travel schedule to justify not working out while on the road. I have used the excuse of stress when I want to eat something that isn’t healthy or moving me toward my weight loss goals. So, have I been truly committed to the weight loss enough to uncommit from these bad habits and get healthy? I have had to question my commitment. Do I really want what I say I want for my future self? Is my commitment really to be healthy as I start this new season in my 50s?

Let me give you another example. Another goal of mine is to be financially free, meaning no debt. We have been crushing this goal for several months. How? We weren’t buying things we didn’t need! But then, we started buying anything we wanted, such as a new chair, treadmill, clothes, trips, fishing equipment, etc. I realized my commitment has been to impulsively buy things I wanted in the moment, not toward my future self of being financially free.

Are you getting the picture? I had the realization that I have been saying yes to things that are taking me away from my goals, not toward them. Maybe for you, it’s too much time on social media instead of working on something that will push you closer to your future self. Maybe it’s people who are not making you better but dragging you down. Maybe it’s a business you are trying to start, but you are allowing things to distract you from doing the work you need to do. Maybe it’s getting that degree or certification, but all you can see is the 9-5 job right now, and you think there’s no time.

I don’t know what it is for you, but maybe you can relate to what I’m sharing here, and this will be your wake-up call to evaluate what you want and what is stopping you. I hope this will be your wake-up call to admit that you are allowing lesser goals to take precedence. Maybe, like me, you need to get better at saying no to things! If you have read Valorie Burton’s book entitled It’s About Time, you read about the urgent versus the meaningful, and that is what I am trying to avoid being stuck in. I want to spend my time doing the meaningful things that bring me joy, that serve my purpose, and lead me toward my future self, not away. I don’t want to be the statistic that says that the most untapped potential lies in a graveyard.

Let me challenge you in closing to evaluate your time. Are you letting commitment to lesser goals keep you from living what you want and deserve? If so, be strong, be disciplined, and be focused on activities that will move you toward who you want to be, and what you want to accomplish!

With love for you all,

Shauna

Do I Ever Lose my Joy?

While on a zoom with my coach this week, he asked me a simple question. He said “Shauna, do you ever lose your joy?” I had to think about it for a minute. Through coaching, growth, healing, and with so much work on myself, it’s harder than it used to be, but the answer is yes! Sometimes I lose my joy. I will tell you what my response was to him in just a minute, but I have to be honest and say that this week, I have struggled to keep my joy.

I was blessed to be able to spend the week between Christmas and the New Year in Arizona and Nevada, and I have to tell you, it was spiritual for me. Everybody has their own opinion of what spirtual means to them, and honestly, when people told me that it was spiritual, I was skeptical. That was until I saw it with my own eyes. It truly was spiritual to me. I came home from my trip relaxed, motivated, and ready to take on the year, and the first week home boom…it hit me in the face. 

As I relaxed into the table at my deep tissue massage this morning, and yes, that’s the only way to go to relieve stress, I realized that I have to show myself some grace, like I do to others. As I lay there with my back completely full of knots, I had to forgive myself and realize I am human. I am going to lose my joy from time to time, and be tested, and that’s okay, but here’s the realization I have had this week. Listen to my response to my coach when he asked me the question. “I do lose my joy from time to time, but I never lose my hope!” That’s what carries me through trying times like this week has been.

This week has been a bit overwhelming to me. We have had some family things, I am trying to settle into a new territory at work, we’ve been snowed in, and yes, it affected me. Part of it is hormones and the anxiety and overwhelm that comes, and nobody wants to talk about it. Yes, I am going to go there, just for a second, but I am going to go there. It’s real! I turned 50 a few months ago, and hear me, it’s real! Guys, it’s not for the faint of heart! Speaking of guys, let me take just a second and say to you, show the women in your life some grace, we didn’t ask for this! We often feel like we are losing our minds, too! Trust me when I say, we don’t like it either, but I think that’s part of what I was experiencing. All the women reading this of a certain age can feel me right now. This caused me to lose my joy! Me! The pioneer of joy! The preacher of joy whose license plate says JOY (remember that for later), I lost my joy. I felt it while teaching a class this week. I feel horrible, but that class didn’t get the best version of me, I felt off, and I don’t like that.

Before I wrap up where I’m going with this, let me tell you something that was the tipping point. I drove to our local Walmart in the middle of yet another snowstorm, and after waiting for 40 minutes with no groceries, and nobody answering the phone in the store. I lost it! As I get out of my car to speak to one of the employees loading groceries for another customer, I tell myself not to lose it on him. Long story short, I was there over 40 minutes only to find out they had given my order to someone else, but wait for it…if I wanted to wait, they would refill my order. Am I being tested this week for what I preach? I think so. Well, I didn’t lose it, but I wasn’t the nicest to the employee, I have to admit. As I am getting back in my car, I look over, and there is an elderly lady who has been waiting very patiently beside her car for her groceries, and she is smiling at me so kindly. As I backed out of the space to leave, she knocked on my window and says to me “I love your license plate.” I thanked her and told her I was struggling to find my joy and she smiled and said “You can get it back.”

As I drove home feeling condemned thinking about that dear sweet lady, I thought of how happy she was, even in those conditions that day, and having to wait. It smacked me in the face. I know better! Life’s circumstances don’t have to cause me to lose my joy! I get to control that. So for those of you who read my posts and wonder is she always joyful? I work very hard to stay joyful, but no I’m not, but hear me, I never lose my hope! The lesson to me this week was just that nobody can take my joy from me without me letting them. There’s very little in life I can control, but that is one that I can. So maybe like me, you’ve lost your joy. I’m here to tell you, you can get it back. It is my hope that even if you lose your joy, you always remain hopeful, despite how hard life can be at times.

With love, and joy, for you all.

Shauna

Get Better Everyday

I recently ordered cutouts to go above my office closet doors that simply say get better everyday. I heard a speaker say he had those words in the entryway of his home, and seeing that is what I try to do every single morning, I decided to have it made for my office. While we were hanging them, my perfectionist self couldn’t get them just right. I decided not to make them perfect, isn’t that kind of the point? I’m not going for perfection, I’m going for growth each day, even if that looks messy. So, if you stepped foot into my home office, you might look at them and think they’re off. Do you want to know a secret? Some days, I’m off, so they’re staying that way, off.

I have worked hard over the past six years to improve, and I know that it has only come by taking steps every day. These single steps that have added up to years of amazing powerful positive change and growth. I see it in the greatest manner in the way that I react, or should I say no longer react, like the old Shauna would have, and did. I am no longer triggered by situations that have broken me and caused me great pain and sorrow. Or am I? Oh, who am I kidding? I still have days! I wish I could tell you that I am totally healed from some things, but the truth is, I’m not totally healed, and that’s okay. My greatest fear in trying to live and breathe growth and a positive mindset is that somebody is going to think I’m trying to portray this perfect life where I’m always positive and full of joy and life isn’t still affecting me. I can tell you 100% that I have been hurt, and even recently, but I still have my joy and I’m not living in that hurt for very long. I pull up my britches and get going, no time to lay in the trenches upset, and besides, who likes to wallow in mud anyway? Well, unless you’re participating in a mud race and doing it on purpose.

I want someone to know today that you can have joy, and even though you have healed from hard things in life, you will still have times when you’re sad, your feelings are hurt and it still affects you. Just because you find joy doesn’t mean you aren’t human with feelings! You don’t always have to be strong, and if you tell yourself you do, you will be disappointed. It’s okay to still hurt sometimes, it doesn’t mean you regressed! Just don’t live there very long! I have found myself numerous times feeling hurt about something but feeling like I can’t show that emotion because I preach growth. That is ridiculous to feel that way. The real key to growth is allowing yourself to have those feelings but having the tools to pull yourself out and not letting those feelings wreck your day or worse relationships. Joy is a state of mind and you can still have joy and sadness or sorrow or hurt. You are not going to live on a high 24/7. That’s now what having joy is all about.

Why do I want you to hear this message? I want you to know that you are not going to wake up every day full of joy. You are not going to be immune to life getting to you sometimes. You are not going to be immune to hurt and pain. We will always have that, we live in this world, and it’s not always good. What I want you to hear me say today is just get up every single day and be determined to get better, but show yourself some grace in the meantime. In this journey, you will have days where you move ahead ten steps, but then the next day, you may go backward two. That’s why this is a journey, not a sprint. With each movement forward, you will learn something about yourself. With each movement backward, you will learn something about yourself. My message is simply this…Get.Better.Everyday!

With love for you all, Shauna