Journey on Yourself

I have been writing my  blogs on Tuesdays and Thursdays each week, but today, I feel very strongly that I am supposed to write today on the subject I am about to touch on. My journey with these blogs started out with my desire to help other women and men dealing with fertility issues; however, until this morning, I have not felt led to talk about it. Even though I am beyond this, the subject is still a very raw and an emotional subject for me to address.

My journey with fertility began in 2002. Although I have always had a rough time with female issues, I never dreamed they would cause me to never birth a child. The thought that I couldn’t do that never ever crossed my mind. I have a huge family and having babies just happens right? Not for everybody! I tried and tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant. When I couldn’t, they began running tests on me. The first few things they did came back normal and I was even told, this could do it, this could be the push you need. Every time I believed this was it! This was THE procedure that would make it happen! Every time to be let down. Finally after seeing a specialist out-of-town, they sent me straight to surgery and discovered that I was covered with endometriosis. They felt like they were able to get it all, and said let’s start trying to make this happen. I began having to give myself shots in my stomach, take all kinds of tests and make several trips out of town. At my first attempt at artificial insemination, I just knew, although the odds were against it happening the first time, that it was going to happen for me. My faith was so strong that I had purchased a complete set of baby furniture and I had clothes for days put away for this little baby. Needless to say attempt #1 did not happen so we start on attempt #2; however, the medications had over stimulated my ovaries so they could not try that month. It could have been detrimental to me. Back on birth control pills I go, to get rid of cysts that had filled my insides.  By this time, I had put on about 30 pounds and had begun to deal with severe depression.  I remember thinking everybody in my life would just be better off with me dead. I had never dealt with such depression in my life. I felt like the thing God had put me on this earth to do, I could not do, and I felt like half a woman. Every time one of my cousin’s would get pregnant, I would put a smile on my face and then go home and fall apart.

Driving to my parents house one night after work I literally heard God say you are taking matters in your own hands. I knew at that instant that I could not continue doing this to myself. I went home that night and told my then husband that I had to stop, I couldn’t do it anymore. That very night, his ex-wife called to say she was pregnant. Can I just tell you that I felt like somebody had punched me in the gut. What a cruel joke was being played on me, as I set and raised her kids. Something snapped inside me that day and I would never be the same after that.

After divorcing and remarrying, I wanted to try one more time with my current husband. He was such a gem through it all. He had two kids and was satisfied with that, but tried for me. This time I only tried one procedure and just like everything else, nothing with the procedure worked on me like it was supposed to. That was all I needed to just be done. Throughout this whole ordeal, I have had 3 surgeries and countless other procedures, not to mention the mental stress and the weight gain and what that all had done.

You can feel sorry for yourself all day long, and trust me, for years I did, but what does that solve? I have asked why so many women could have kids and they didn’t take care of them. I have asked why I could help raise other people’s kids but not my own. I’m not sure there’s a feeling and a question that I haven’t asked God. I am not a selfish person at all, but I did turn this to be all about me. I became the victim. Why me was often a question that I asked while looking at other women with their kids. What finally helped me was reading a story from a cancer survivor. She said she began asking why me when she was diagnosed but she finally realized, why not me? I’m no better than anybody else. In that moment, I realized I am not better than any other woman. Is it fair for other women to not be able to have kids but it’s not fair for me? The answer is no! Hannah in the Bible wanted a child so bad, and do you know what she dealt with? Her husband had another wife who was able to have children. Back in that day, it was seen as shameful to not be able to have kids, and you were seen as something being wrong with you. How devastating. You see, people have been dealing with this for hundreds of years. And while life doesn’t always seem fair, you have to trust that there is a purpose in your pain.

Here’s the lesson that took me years to learn with this. First, nothing is wrong with me, and I’m no lesser a person because I couldn’t bear children. Second, just because I wasn’t blessed with a biological child of my own doesn’t mean I wasn’t blessed with children. They just came a different way to me. Sometimes they come in different ways than we think they should.  God brought me step kids. Maybe he brought you foster kids, or adopted kids, or the neighbor kids who adore you, or nieces and nephews who adore you. I had to change my focus and realize that not being a biological mother did not define me. I am Shauna, I am wife, I am sister, I am daughter, I am friend, I am step-mom, I am many things, but I am not Shauna the woman who couldn’t have a baby! Nothing is wrong with me, my path is just different from what it looked as a teenager dreaming of a family some day. Yes, I wanted the husband, 2 kids, and the white picket fence and you know what? I got all of that and more!

My prayer for anybody dealing with this is that you try to focus on being grateful for the many things you do have in your life and not the one thing you don’t have. Somebody right now is looking at you wishing they had what you have! There is a purpose and there is a plan and you are amazing, just like you are!! YOU are not a lesser person! Get help and get help for your marriage if it’s causing issues for you and your spouse! Your life can be happy and peaceful, that I promise, and that I am living proof of!

With love for you all!

Shauna

The picture above is of the stack of books that I have been reading over the past few weeks. I told you earlier in my blogs that I have felt a shift in my life for the last several weeks, and that I needed to do something about it. So, I started reading these books. Last night I was reading Dani Johnson’s book titled First Steps to Wealth. The title of her book may be about wealth, but I urge all of you to get it and read it. She really goes to the core, gets to the real issues of things we need to work on. Wealth can mean so much more than money.  In the chapter I’m on, she starts talking about the Law of Teachability. One thing she talks about is ego. I would’ve told you that I did not have an ego before reading that chapter. Turns out, I do have an ego and I had to ask myself, am I really in a place to be taught something? You see, as I discovered last night, ego comes in several different forms.

I had to ask myself, am I teachable? Are you teachable? Or, do you spend your days at work thinking you know more than anybody there, feeling like there’s nothing more for you to learn, and nobody else knows as much as you? Do you spend your days thinking you know more than your friends, and thinking they can’t teach you anything? Do you go to church on Sundays because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do, and go expecting not to be taught anything? Do we think there’s nothing our kids can teach us? If we’re totally honest with ourselves, I think we might find that we do in fact, at times, think we have nothing else to learn.

Let me take this a different direction for a second. I recently wrote a blog about the seasons of our lives. There is a lesson to be learned in every season of our life, and in every situation we go through.  We must stop and ask God what are you trying to teach me? Where do I need to grow? Am I being teachable at this moment? Am I able to just shut up and listen and learn? If we are living, truly living, and growing, we have to always be learning and educating ourselves.

What is it that you want to learn? It is never too late, you are never too old, you are never too poor, you are never too rich, you are never too educated to learn in life. We must grow or risk living in mediocrity. Do you spend more time on social media, watching TV, gossiping with friends, shopping or a myriad of other things instead of trying to learn and grow in life? Where will those take you? In a positive direction? I do not think it will take us in a positive direction. Don’t get me wrong, I love social media. It helps me stay connected with friends and family that I don’t see on a regular basis, but it can literally consume hours of my day if I let it. Hours of my day that I could spend reading, working out, learning to be a better cook, helping others, sharpening my mind. Learning something! Being better equip and educated to be the best I can at my job, for myself, for my friends and family, or to make a difference in this world!

Psalms 25:9 says this: He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. Further down in the chapter it says: He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. So let me leave you with these questions. Where you are right now, what lesson is there in what you’re going through? What desire is down in the pit of your stomach guiding you to learn something new? Just maybe that desire to learn something new, and where you’re at in your life go hand-in-hand and it’s trying to teach you something valuable. If you will stop and listen, educate yourself and grow, I believe great things are in store in your future!

With love for you all!

Shauna

As I set and meditated last week listening to the waves crash up on the beach, my attention was drawn to this baby dragon-fly. It first appeared to be holding on to the chair for dear life. Then I noticed that when it tried to fly, it was very wobbly, and wasn’t doing so well so it literally just stayed in the chair. So often in life that is us. We become gripped with fear. So afraid to fly that we stay put in our small and safe world where we’re comfortable, but what else is out there in this great big beautiful world? So much!! So much opportunity, so much love, so much excitement, so much happiness! What are we afraid of? Are we afraid to soar? Are we afraid of succeeding? Are we afraid of happiness? Or are we afraid of pain and failure?

It’s natural to feel fear, but failure isn’t always a bad thing! Sometimes we need to first fail before we can really soar! We stay stuck in current situations that are not healthy, or maybe just simply aren’t feeding our souls because it’s safe and we are so afraid of the unknown. I say let’s fly! I mean get out there and soar like an eagle! It might be bumpy at first, it might not be pretty at all, but what do you have to lose?! Have you ever watched a baby bird learning to fly? I’ve been told the momma bird basically just kicks them out of the nest and they have no other choice but to fly.  It’s not pretty at first but when they take off for that first time, it must feel so exciting and exhilarating to that baby bird! It must be freedom beyond any other feeling in the world. Do you need kicked out of your nest?

Girl! Put one foot in front of the other and get out there to the greatness you deserve! If God is calling you to do something, do it!! I was scared to death to post the video on Facebook sharing my story about my fertility journey and I was scared to death to start this blog, but I knew deep in the pit of my stomach that God wanted me to get out of my comfort zone and do it! I told myself people will wonder who I think I am, or criticize every little thing I said or did. Don’t listen to the haters! They are always going to be there, but you must tune them out, and follow your dream now! Will the opinions of others matter when we get to the end of our lives? No! So don’t let them stop you now!!

I don’t know what you feel like doing, but do it! If you feel like starting a new job or some new endeavor, do it! If you feel like you need to be an encourager to certain people, do it! If you feel like you need to work on yourself in some way, do it!! Whatever it is, only know, but don’t be afraid to fly! Get up and go do your thing and be great!!! You got this! I believe in you!

With love for you all!

Shauna

I was traveling yesterday and was literally inches from what could have been a devastating wreck. I swerved almost hitting the guardrail while cars all around swerved different directions to not all hit. Talk about heart stopping and taking your breath away. It took a good while to get composed. Life has a way of doing this! Are you floating through life with no direction, not doing anything productive or making a difference? Stuck in your job, stuck in relations, stuck in your mind? Why does it take a catastrophic event to wake us up? Why does it take losing someone we love dearly to realize what they meant to us? Why does it take losing our job to realize our spending is out of control? Why does it take our kids leaving home to wish we had spent more time with them? Why does it take us facing surgery or a lifetime of meds to wake up and get healthy? Let’s wake up right now and start before something catastrophic happens.

This year, I have watched someone in my life literally fall apart and spiral out of control when their spouse left after 40 some years of marriage because they apparently thought they could treat them any way, and the other person would stay forever. How incredibly sad. How incredibly sad to get to that stage of life and your whole world blow up in your face? Those years should be years of travel and fun and happiness. Why do they call them the Golden Years? Because those are supposed to be some of your best years of life!

Do we not realize that Gods got a plan for our lives and it’s bigger and better than we ever dreamed! We were not put here for lack and mediocrity. We were meant to live happy, fulfilled lives that make a difference and leave a legacy for someone. We were meant to love ourselves and love others.

So today it is short and sweet and I say Jesus take the wheel of my life and design it with purpose. I want to help others, I want to inspire someone else to get out of their rut and start living! See beyond your current situation and trust you can make it out NOW!

With love for you all!

Shauna

I started a garden a few years back. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and honestly, didn’t take the time to learn anything, just jumped in, and decided to see what would happen. No learning, no studying, nope, I just planted and decided to just see if I could do it. Having those green beans all winter, the tomato juice that made amazing chili and let’s not even talk about the salsa! Wow! I thought I had hit the jackpot, no effort and look what I got! What if I had actually taken the time to really learn and cultivate that garden? I did absolutely nothing. I put those plants in the ground and occasionally watered and nothing else. I reaped a good amount, but what would have happened if I had really taken time with what I was planting, asked questions, read books and talked to an expert gardener? What could I have reaped that fall with just a little effort? I can tell you that this year I put less effort into it, and I barely have a harvest to show for it for this winter.

This made me think of the seasons of life today. What season are you in right now? Maybe life is great, your job is great, your health is great, your finances are great, you’re helping other people and making a difference. Or, maybe you’re trying to better yourself, trying to help others, live with purpose, be all you can be? Or maybe, you’re just sitting inside on the couch, wrapped in a blanket because it’s cold, just getting through each day as best you can. Have you ever stopped to think that just maybe where you are planted is giving you the knowledge, the education, and the experience that you need to propel you into massive success in the future? Or are you spending too much time worried about your finances, worried about your future, hating your boss, hating your co-workers, causing drama or feeling picked on to even see the big picture? Are you too caught up in worry or fear with what’s going on right now in this season you are planted in, in the exact place you need to be, at this exact moment, to see that just maybe you are where you’re supposed to be? Do we not realize that sometimes we are placed with people and in a job or a situation to learn from somebody else and possibly be pushed so much farther ahead in our own lives? If we have gratitude for where we’re at, and the people in our lives who have taught us things, who have invested in our futures, then we are setting ourselves up for success. I read today that a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. What we sow, we will most certainly reap. Karma comes back around, good or bad! Be careful what you’re sowing!

I find myself right now feeling like I should just be still where I’m planted and do nothing in this current situation. The Bible says be still and know! So many decisions, which way to go, I think I should be doing something, or should I not be doing anything, but in the moment, I feel I should just be still. Here’s the thing, we must learn to grow where we are planted. It seems to be planting season for me right now, but if I stay the course, I know there will soon be a great harvest to be reaped. It literally might be fall outside, but my current season is not fall. Maybe you currently find yourself in fall and you’re reaping that rich harvest that you planted, but remember, even in that season, there’s a lesson to be learned, and you must continue to grow there as well. I love this great quote: “If you don’t like what you are reaping, you had better change what you have been sowing.” Jim Rohn. Stop for a minute, think about the season you are in and what you need to learn to grow right here! The good thing is that seasons do change. Don’t get weary if you’re currently planting. I promise, you will reap a harvest, but only you know what that harvest will be. It might be spring but glorious summer is around the corner and then that bountiful harvest that you have been working towards for so long appears! Let’s sow seeds of love, seeds of gratefulness, seeds of forgiveness, seeds of helping others, seeds of making everybody around us better and making this world a better place to live! For in doing so, we shall reap if we faint not!

With love for you all!

Shauna

What does it mean to you when someone says they’re at a crossroads? Webster defines crossroads as many things but this is relevant: a crucial point especially where a decision must be made. I recently received  a phone call concerning my future and I am not going to lie, panic immediately set in. I immediately jumped in to what ifs and I need to change this and quickly do this and how is this going to work out. I freaked out, not going to say I didn’t. I am comfortable and yes…VERY complacent. So now what!? I have been knocked off my comfy chair! I don’t like that! But stop! God has ALWAYS provided for me. I have always had amazing jobs and opportunities and met amazing people and I don’t have a college education. Girl! Take a deep  breath! Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. And, maybe this is the blessing and the push I need to move forward!

For about 8 weeks now, I have felt led to work on me. I have read about 10 books (I will list all the books below for you), have been praying more, reading my bible, started meditating, listen to podcasts daily, read blogs, listen to speakers. I have had this massive shift and then the urgency to start this blog. Something has been preparing me for something different, something bigger for awhile now, but I didn’t know it. So the urgency is right now! I’m currently taking a Tony Robbins course and he said that progress=happiness.  I have not progressed this year like I should have. Yes, my body has, it’s come so far, but what about my mental health, my finances, my career, my relationships?  Maybe some of you are in the same boat as me. Yes, I am content in so many areas of my life but not in them all and  my purpose in life has not been fulfilled. God put gifts in me that I have let sit by and have done nothing with them! Who was I supposed to help that I haven’t? Who was I supposed to influence that I haven’t?

Who is writing the rest of our story? Who is holding the paint brush painting our canvases? Pray, meditate, and study, and direction will be clear! Too often we lean to our own understanding and we’re not supposed to do that. We sure do make a mess of things in our lives. We force things that shouldn’t be, we go down roads that we were not meant to travel and end up where I have too many times to count now. In the middle of a mess! I recently heard a message from Joel Osteen about Gods Got This! I have literally gone around for a month telling myself that. These are uncharted waters I am headed into, and I am not an Olympic swimmer, but I can dog paddle my way through, and keep my head above water until I get to the other side. I heard this morning that contentment is a state of mind. Let’s take inventory. 1. Health – Yes, I’m in the gym 6 days a week. 2. Relationships – I really try to be a good friend and be there for those who are here for me. 3. Mental Health – up until a month ago I totally neglected this area. Should I not be working this 6-7 days a week too? 4. Career – I love my job and the flexibility of working from home, but am I growing? 5. Kids – my kids know I would drop everything for them, and I do. 6. My marriage – I’m crazy about my husband, but do I show him, really show him every day? No! I take him for granted. 7. Spiritual life – totally neglected in recent months. Praying over our food doesn’t count! There is a higher power that wants more from us! 8. Finances – I totally suck at this! Needs attention! Take a minute and take inventory of your life. I’m sure it looks totally different than mine, but do you see the urgency in making a change in your life in the areas that you need to work on? It’s scary, I mean freaking scary, but staying the same is even more scary! Urgency is right now!! Rachel Hollis says it like this “Girl Wash Your Face”! I am going to take it one step further. Get up!!! Dust yourself off and get your butt in gear!! What direction are you headed today? I hope you choose to turn right! Right to the path that leads you to be all that you can be. Right to the path of growth and prosperity and contentment in all areas of your life!

With all my love,

Shauna

As promised, here’s the books I have been reading:

• Girl Wash Your Face – Rachel Hollis
• You are a Badass – Jen Sincero
• You are a Badass at Making Money – Jen Sincero
• The Miracle Morning – Hal Elrod
• the Bible
• First Steps to Wealth – Dani Johnson
• The Untethered Soul – Michael Singer
• Money and The Law of Attraction – Esther and Jerry Hicks

Podcasts

• Joel and Victoria Osteen
• Rachel Hollis
• Tony Robbins
• Abraham Hicks

 

I have been trying to start every day out by prayer, meditation, listening to a podcast, reading and working out.  This blog is not about that, but can I just tell you how that can change your life, change your mood, change your entire day!  So as I do every morning, before I open up my phone I ask God to please send me something I need to hear. Today, up pops a new podcast from Rachel Hollis featuring a guy  named Scott Harrison. Scott started a company called Charity Water, but his testimony about his life and how the company started literally changed my life. He stated that nobody is beyond redemption. (Side note, listen to his testimony and go buy his book called Thirst. I plan to order it today.) I will talk more about the impact of his company a little later, but first, let’s talk about redemption. Totally struck a nerve with me this morning.  We as humans, and religious people, are so quick to judge people and think that because of their “sin” they’re done. We judge them and think that they can’t be used to do good or help others or let’s just say be redeemed! That is total crap! The people I grew up in church with have been judging me for the past ten years, and I know, some would never admit it, they think I’m done and totally discount any gifts God has put in me.  Thankfully, I don’t listen to them anymore, I tune out their harsh judgment and I’m living my life! It’s taken me years to get there and years to not care. Years to get over the feeling of running into people who have known me my entire life who pretend I am a total stranger when they see me in public. Good thing is that I know that I am redeemed and I know that I still have a testimony and I know that I still have a purpose in life and helping others is one of those purposes. I know that there was purpose in my pain and experiences despite what anybody else says.

What are you not doing in life because of other people’s judgment of you? What dream and purpose are you not fulfilling because you feel you are not good enough? I’m pretty sure there is nothing you have done that is so bad that you still cannot fulfill your calling in life! The Bible says in Colossians that we have redemption through his blood and forgiveness of sins. Don’t let people tell you that you cannot do something! Don’t let people stop you from living a life of purpose! You have been redeemed! Just let that sink in for a minute! YOU have been redeemed! Not sure about you, but that brings peace to my soul and a smile to my face! YOU were put here to do something great! Even if to some it may be small, to somebody else it’s life changing! Listen, I’m not a writer, I’m not a speaker but somehow I pray through this that I am bringing something to somebody that might just change their life or change their thinking and realize what they can do! What have you been called today? Get out and do it!!

I want to end today talking about charitywater.org. As I set at the gym today drinking 64 ounces of clean refreshing water, I listened to Scott Harrison’s testimony about how this company came to be. Talk about a story of redemption and how out of this came this company that is doing amazing things all over the world! Did you know that 1 in 6 people on the planet do not have clean water? Staggering statistic and we take this so for granted! I pray that you think about how you can give back. We are commanded to give back. It truly is better to give than to receive! Your life will drastically change when you  begin to give back in any way you can. That looks different to everybody but dig down deep, find compassion, and go find where you can give back. If we all did this, could we change the world one by one? Yes, I am crazy enough to believe we can!

With love for you all!

Shauna

Yesterday was my 9th anniversary with my husband. It has been 9 glorious years married to him, he’s a good man and he is crazy about me. He shows me every single day what I mean to him in small ways, but let’s face it, I am a hopeless romantic! I want Hallmark movies all year long in my home! HA!  Like every other year my husband asks me what I want for our anniversary, and, as always, I say oh nothing honey! And like always, he shows up with a card and I get disappointed because my nothing honey always means nothing is brought home! I love gifts and surprises, but Chad is not a gifts and surprises guy. He’s shows me every single day that I am special. Every now and then, he’ll plan a date night or buy me something that surprises me. So I sit here last night, as he’s lying in his chair because he doesn’t feel good, legit doesn’t feel good, and I think well this anniversary stinks! In the middle of my feeling sorry for myself, my friend sends a picture of pumpkin bread she’s just made. Well, that will make me feel better so I get up and make my own! Half of the loaf later, I’m lying on the couch telling God that if he will take my sick feeling away, I promise to never do that again. I mean I am so miserable that I cannot breathe and let’s not even talk about how much I struggled at the gym today! I mean, seriously! As I prayed and meditated this morning for inspiration on what to write, God said pumpkin bread. What? Pumpkin bread?? You want me to share my recipe or what? No! Why did you do that to yourself last night and eat all the bread to the point of being sick? The Bible says “Cast all your cares upon him; for he careth for you.”  I understand my feeling sorry for myself is pretty insignificant but we don’t cast our cares on him. We need to feel like we fit in so we shop for clothes we can’t afford, to feel better about ourselves, and run up credit cards. We need to feel loved and accepted so we spend money and hours and hours of time and energy doing things and buying things for people trying to make them like us and be what they need. We need to feel loved and want a man so we latch on to the first thing that comes along and overlook everything that maybe isn’t right in the relationship. We can’t handle life so we medicate with food, drugs and alcohol. Then we wake up from our high or drunkenness or food coma and the problem is still there. So then what are we left with? Credit card debt that takes years to pay off, an extra 20 pounds of fat, or years wasted in the wrong relationship? We’re left picking up the pieces from a broken heart.

There is rest in God, why do we do this to ourselves? One of my favorite scriptures says weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning. So what is your pumpkin bread? For me, it’s almost been all of the things I listed above. I don’t need eat a loaf of pumpkin bread to feel good! I don’t need to buy anything for anybody to know I am special! I don’t need to fit in with anybody but God! So why spend so much time and energy trying to be and do all those things? Let’s stop and let’s stop today!! Pray, work out, meditate, feel good about the amazing person you are!! Things will fall into place when we focus on all the right things that we have in our lives, and are grateful, not spending time focusing on all the things we don’t have or bad things in our life. I dare you to try it for a few days and see if your mood changes! Just try being grateful for all you have! Don’t eat a loaf of pumpkin bread! I promise you will regret it!

With all my love, Shauna

Why is it that in most Disney movies they depict stepmoms as wicked or evil? Finally, a few years back there was a movie made called Stepmom that actually depicted something a little more realistic that shows the struggles from all angles, the kids, the dad, the mom and the stepmom. Hey, blended families are not for the weak I can tell you that! Being a stepmom isn’t easy. Maybe for me it’s been a little harder because of my struggle in not having a biological child of my own when I so desperately wanted one, BUT, I am here to tell you, that if this is your calling in life, you can make it one of the most rewarding jobs you ever have and the blended family can actually prosper and produce happy, productive kids!

My husband and I started dating about 11 years ago, married 9 tomorrow. At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to jump into that role. It was a few months before I ever met the kids and spent any kind of quality time with them. But, they won me over pretty quickly. I remember the first time the kids talked me into going to a sporting event. I had not met their mother and really wanted to sneak in there and be invisible. As luck would have it, the 4 year old sees me and starts screaming my name. So much for not being seen! At first, I think that’s how you approach the role, you want to be apart but yet still be invisible. Everybody involved has to figure out your role and how you’re going to fit into the dynamics of their family and their new normal as well. I don’t think I maneuvered the role very well in the beginning. I wanted my own child so badly and in my 30s those dreams were sliding by pretty quickly. Couple that with the fact that I had this innate need for love and attention like I had an innate need for food, didn’t bode well and I wanted to swoop in and save the day. These kids didn’t need another mother, they had one and my role was not to take over her role as their mother. I read book after book after book on co-parenting and blended families and being apart and how to navigate this. I remember in one book the author, who was stepmom herself, said that divorced parents are not going to agree on everything, if they were that agreeable, they most likely wouldn’t have been divorced in the first place. Okay, so we’re not all going to agree on everything or think the same way on everything, but we can all co-parent, have our individual roles and get along! So here’s what I learned and have tried my  best to live. These kids deserve us both in all our glory. We all bring our unique personalities to them and that’s okay! And, it’s okay for the kids to have both and not have to choose or make one more important than the other! They should never be put in that position. EVER! One of us may be a good cook, one may not. One may be able to sew, one not, one better with homework, one not. You get my drift here. Chances are, it’s going to be two different households but both serve the purpose of raising well rounded kids that become successful adults some day. Here’s a side thought for you though. There’s a pretty good chance that you and your husband’s ex-wife actually have some things in common. WHAT!? Yep! Most people do have a type in choosing partners! If you’re struggling, maybe try to find that common ground. Hear me when I say that you and the birth mother can get along, can talk, you can have joint parties for the kids, you can celebrate holidays together and like my situation, even go on vacation and stay in the same hotel room for a week! Those kids need to see a united front and never should be made to feel like they have to choose one set of parents over the other. We’re all adults and it’s not the kids fault their family was split up in the first place.

That being said, I know not every situation is easy. I’m sure there have been times my kids mom has not been happy with me or liked something I did. We’re human, but even if you’re not getting along like we have, you can work on yourself in the situation. If either the stepmom or birth mom are  not willing to make this work, I’m not sure you can really do it alone, but you can try, for the kids sake. My suggestion is read books, pray, talk to a counselor, figure out what you can do to help the situation and not bring more turmoil to it. If you’re a struggling mom, no matter from what side, give yourself some love and patience through this journey! None of us are perfect and we don’t have to be! We can all realize though, that any amount of love our kids receive is a good thing! Any amount of help, guidance, support we can all give will not be in vain! Let’s raise some pretty great kids and some day, we will all be rewarded for all our tears, sleepless nights and days we’ve told God we’re not sure we can do this! We can do this! TOGETHER!

With love for you all,

Shauna