What does ego mean to you? When I googled ego it says, your ego is your conscious mind, the part of your identity that you consider your “self.” If you say someone has “a big ego,” then you are saying he is too full of himself. Sometimes I believe our ego is actually a means to protect us from those things about ourselves that we really don’t like. Sometimes I think egos are a way of masking our low self-esteem. Sometimes I think our egos keep us from dealing with things we need to deal with! Ouch! I have at times had an ego! I never ever wanted anybody to say she has an ego, but maybe I have!
I am not perfect. I have made and continue to make mistakes. I hurt people when I don’t mean to. I have hurt people because I have hurt. I have hurt my family and friends probably more times than I wish to admit, but I am making strides to be better. I am trying to heal and daily trying to be a better person. Trust me, I know my shortcomings better than anyone! Do you? Or, do you pretend nothing is ever your fault, and everything is always everybody else’s fault? If that’s you, lose your ego! You see, until we lose our ego and deal with who we really are, work daily on our shortcomings, we are never going to have happy and healthy relationships. We will never have a healthy marriage! We will never have healthy friendships! We will never raise healthy kids! I’m speaking here from experience! I’m speaking as someone who has ruined relationships because I didn’t deal with the root cause of why I was acting the way I was, or dealing with the pain deep down inside me. Trust me, I know it’s hard to deal with things we bury hoping they never surface again, but when we don’t deal with hurt, when we don’t deal with pain, when we don’t deal with insecurities, they will come back to visit! Insecurities yell from the mountaintops!
We must learn to apologize and mean it! We must learn to admit we were wrong and mean it! We must learn to really mean it when we say we love someone! We must learn that if somebody just doesn’t feel right, why, and realize they just can’t be in our life. Not out of hate, not out of any negative feelings, but out of self preservation and where we want to go in life! Look we’re all a work in progress! My roadmap is so curvy and marked up with detours and caution tape you might not be able to even see where I’m going, but I choose to stay the course and keep working on myself one detour at a time!
I read something today that said 99% of the harm is caused in your head, by you and your thoughts. 1% of the harm is caused by reality, what actually happens and the outcome. Most of the time the problem isn’t the problem. The way we think about the problem is. Our minds and our thoughts are very powerful things and they can literally cause us to think somebody doesn’t like us, or somebody is talking about us, or an entire dialogue of things. This often comes from things deep down inside of us from things that have happened in our past that have hurt us and caused us to be the way we are, but we can change that dialogue. Again, by getting to the root of the cause! Is it really worth living with these voices and demons from past hurts that continue to cause us to have unhealthy relationships? I think not!
So, to those I have ever hurt or wronged, I’m sorry! For those I ever was negative to, talked about, judged or made you feel less then, I am sorry! Please know, deep down I love you, even if I was wrong. I am striving to be the person God wants me to be, even if I sometimes trip and fall! I know the plan God has for me and I hope you do too. I know what God is dealing with me to do and who to be! Jeremiah 29:11 says it this way “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I am trying to deal with the root causes of my insecurities, I am trying to lose any bad ego I might have, to be a better person and to be able to help people every single day, not hurt anyone! I hope today that somehow you find the power within you to deal with things you need to so you can have a future and have hope!
With love for you all,
Shauna
Shauna's Sisters 