Did God give you children?? Did you choose who you had children with? You chose the partner, not your kids! YOU chose them! So do you support that other parent? Good or bad, do you point out the importance of that other parent in their lives or do you point out their bad flaws to make yourself appear more important. We never stop to realize that our kids have both of their parents in them so if you point out the flaws of the other parent, you’re basically telling the kid part of them is bad! Your kids genes are your decisions, not their decisions! Okay, that just hit a nerve! Re-read what I said. If you point out the flaws of the other parent, you’re pointing out to your kids what’s wrong with them. Now please stop and realize that I am not saying that the person you chose to have kids with is perfect and you should allow bad traits they might have given your kids to be right. Drugs, alcohol, lying, abuse, etc. is not right and you should never say otherwise, but anyone with any intelligence should see what I am saying here. YOU choose who to have kids with and at some point, you thought it was a good idea and you chose that other person and thought they were good parenting material.
My parents are divorced. Just recently divorced and can I tell you that both my brother and I have parts of both parents, and we know what those traits are. Do you think if my mom set around pointing out our fathers flaws that we would feel better about ourselves? No! We absolutely would not feel good about ourselves. The truth of the matter is that my brother and I got some pretty amazing traits from our father and if our mom pointed those out as flaws we would feel pretty horrible about ourselves. We got some pretty amazing traits from our mother and if our father pointed those out as flaws, we wouldn’t feel so good! You know what though? Our mother sees that we did get some positive parts from our father and she pushes us to realize that, she doesn’t point those out as negative things! You see, my mom has always seen that my brother and I have our father’s outgoing personality and our ability to connect with other people, where she can be painfully shy. She has always pointed out how lucky we both are to have that trait! She has never said that was a bad thing. EVER! If she did, do you think we would feel those as positive things?
We fail to realize that our kids are the best parts of both parents. Is that bad? Or is that how God created them to be? Will you squash that or support that?
I couldn’t have biological kids, which I don’t and maybe never will understand, but it is what is and I must live with it. Does that mean I can’t help people with kids? No! If I write one thing that helps another family than my pain wasn’t in vain! My brother and I both got positive and negative things from both parents but our parents place is to point those things out as learning experience, as positive things, and to let us know that even though maybe they didn’t work out, we are wonderfully and perfectly made and we got the best traits of both of them. I hear you, you’re thinking maybe they got the bad traits from both, but you know what? If we feel secure in who we are, we will realize those and work on those bad traits without either one of our parents feeling the need to point them out, and tell us where they came from! If you are pointing out the bad in the other parent, you are wrong and you will not win with your kids! Parents! Your kids NEED both parents! In the Bible, each parent has their role and if you are somehow stopping that, you are wrong! The mom is the nurturer, the dad is the provider and you will not win by trying to stop that relationship! Both parents serve a purpose and have a role!
Some of you are going to stop right there and think what does she know, she has no biological children, but, I do have parents and I know what my parents did right and wrong! I am also a step mom and I see a great deal!
My only reason here is to say this. Your kids are perfectly and wonderfully made with both their parents good and bad traits. So will you be so insecure as to try to be the savior and be the best parent? Maybe you are, and some day you will be rewarded for all your efforts and hard days and sleepless nights and praying your kids turn out better than everybody, but unless the other parent is absolutely horrible, you have to realize your part and realize you have a responsibility to make sure your kids see all their good traits, regardless of which parent they came from. Remove your ego! It will never ever serve you well! Isn’t the whole reward a decent human being who is successful and kind?
I choose to stop right here and realize that both of my parents were hard working and taught us the value of hard work. My dad was outgoing, never met a stranger and was the life of the party, both me and my brother got that trait. But my mom was kind and helped everybody she met. She made dinner and holidays and birthdays and both us of us her top priority! She taught us the importance of family and being creative and love and being your best and showing up! Sammy and I are far from perfect but I think we both got some pretty amazing traits to build upon! I’m pretty sure your kids did as well! I think it’s time to remove the ego and start supporting each other, regardless of your shortcomings and start seeing the big pictures. It’s not about you, it’s about those children you decided to bring into the world! Those children that you were blessed to have!
With love for you all,
Shauna
Shauna's Sisters 