Are you disappointed in life?

Tonight, while cleaning out my shed and organizing, I found what you see in the picture above. This is baby blankets that belonged to me and my brother. I kept these things because I planned on using them some day.  For my baby. My baby, that I was never able to have. I can’t be the only one that ever dreamed of Suburbia 2.4. You know, the family with 2.4 kids. That’s what statistics used to say you will have. No, I didn’t have 2.4 kids. I married somebody with 2 kids..twice I married somebody with 2 kids, but I never had the 2.4 kids that statistics said I would have. I planned for it though! I kept all the baby clothes. I even bought stuff for those 2.4 kids I would never have. Yep…then I had to have a garage sale to sell for those 2.4 kids I never had. Anybody else?

Growing up, I planned for those babies I would never have. I named them, I bought for them, I dreamed about them,  I sure did. Then I grow up and with husband number 1, the one who said I was too fat and too stupid to raise kids, I say I hope you are enjoying those 3 kids God blessed you with! And then to husband #2, I really enjoyed helping raise his two kids. I loved those kids with every part of my being. When that didn’t work out, and your family didn’t want me having any part of their lives, I backed off. Now, for the past 12 years, I have enjoyed a hand in raising two more.

Yes, it is a real blessing being given step-children to raise. A chore I don’t take lightly, but you know what? Those kids will never look like me , those kids are not my blood and no matter how much I love them, and how much I try to help their parents raise them, they are not my babies. But wait! They are just as much my babies as if I had been through 12 hours of labor for them! You know why? I may not have been the one to bear any of them, but I lay awake at night concerned with their safety, concerned they will turn out, concerned they will be decent human beings who love, have compassion and are decent human beings that are kind and care about the human race and giving back to society! Just because they are not genetically mine doesn’t mean I can’t influence the kind of people they turn to to be.

This is where I lose the big picture, pitty myself and want to go cry in the corner because I so desperately wanted a little Shauna running around. Oh yes, I named her! Sydney Joy, or Isabella Joy, those were the names I had chosen, but she didn’t exist in real life, at least not for me, but for some reason, in the big picture, I wasn’t meant to be a biological mother. I don’t know why. I can’t keep asking why, I will truly lose it, but I have to trust there is a reason.

Maybe you are where I am tonight, or maybe you have been blessed with children and don’t know quite what you’re going to do to insure they turn out, but I say this, if you have been blessed with them, do everything in your power to help them turn out to be decent human beings, even if that means being the bad guy. Some day I promise they will thank you for being the bad guy! If you’re like me, and couldn’t have any biological kids yourself, then jump in where you can, and make a difference! Either way, you’re making a difference, and isn’t that what we all want to do?

With love for you all,

Shauna