I can’t be all things to all people!

Sometimes we run ourselves ragged trying to be and do what everyone else needs. What do WE need? What do WE want? I love to cook, I love a clean and organized house, and I love working! I can’t stand sitting still, I get bored. So lets be honest, my ideal live would be a cross between June Cleaver, Betty Crocker and today’s working woman with the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas off work! I want to be all of those things so I think subconsciously that is what I have strove to be, and guess what…I’m not sure you can be perfect at all of those things at all times.

We’re putting too much stress on ourselves trying to be perfect all the time! I love to set an amazing table and to throw an awesome party, and I’m pretty good at it, but I haven’t figured out how to accomplish that and still look like a supermodel by the time the guests arrived! Nobody else put that pressure on me, except maybe society and TV and Pinterest and fake reality TV! Why do we compare ourselves against those shows that are the best parts of these people’s lives that they’re portraying with their drivers, cooks, housekeepers, nannies, hairstylist, makeup artist and personal assistants. And Pinterest, I mean come on, how much of your stuff looks like that when you try it!?!?! But the pressure is on us to look like a supermodel, cook like a chef, clean like a housekeeper, show up for every single thing our kids are involved in, bake for the bake sale, participate in every single fundraiser, take care of our husbands, be an amazing friend AND work 40 hours a week! What in the world!?!? Where did this idea of a perfect life come from? And, here’s my problem…the word NO is unfortunately not in my vocabulary. It’s becoming more and more apparent to me. So many people depend on me for so much and I have let that happen! I’m organized, I keep a schedule, I know what’s going on and take care of everybody. Yes, part of that is my personality, no question, but part of that is basically letting myself be a doormat at times!

This hit home recently for me and I have decided that for my own sanity, I have to start being more aware and taking care of myself. A family member asked me to do something, and I really didn’t want to do it, but couldn’t say no either. I asked my husband to do it and take one for the team. I pointed out just how many times over the past 10 years that I have taken one for the team for my family and his as well. You know what though?? He said no, and didn’t have a hard time saying no either. I just couldn’t believe he wasn’t willing to give like I always do, but he didn’t and he didn’t feel a bit bad about it. The entire time I was doing what I didn’t want to do, I was thinking how I do so much for so many people and for once, it would be great if somebody could do it in return for me. I began to get a little bitter about it.

Why is it that it’s so easy for others to say no but I struggle with that? I show up for my husband, kids, family, friends at times when I really didn’t want to do, or go where they were asking me to go, or do what they’re asking me to do. I just wanted to say no, but I CAN’T! Repeat after me, I CAN SAY NO AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE! For real!?! But they might and things might not turn out right I tell myself!

Here’s what I am trying to learn and start realizing. It is a necessity for me to first take care of myself and then I can give to others, and it’s also okay for me to say no sometimes if I really don’t want to. My friends and family should understand that and if they don’t, oh well! Let’s stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to do perfect, to make everybody else happy and be superwoman! Life is short, way too short to live tired and stressed all the time trying to be what everybody else needs! There is a way to have some balance, not all the time, life happens, but you can say no to things that take that balance away from you! People will survive, they will go on, your family and friends won’t die and you will THRIVE!!!

It’s also okay to remove yourself from friends who suck the life out of you, or just bring you down! I am a good listener but sometimes when people are like a broken record all the time with their problems I just can’t do it! We all need our friends and it’s not always going to be all fun and games, sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on, or somebody to just tell us it’s going to be okay, but if you have friends who suck more of your energy than the good they are feeding you, maybe you should think twice about that friendship. If that friendship starts effecting your marriage, or your kids or other relationships, move on sister, that person needs more of you than you need to be willing to give!

Stop trying to be what everybody else needs! Be what you need and start doing what makes you happy! I want to do it all, maybe not do it all perfectly, but do it all while also being happy and not stressed in the process! Let’s change the picture of what the perfect woman looks like and rejoice in her!

With love for you all!

Shauna