Author: shaunassisters

What does it mean to you when I say the word forgiveness? Forgiveness is a word thrown around and rarely meant to the deep level that we need to forgive. Websters simply says it is the act of forgiving but listen to some synonyms for forgiveness: amnesty, pardon, absolution. Some antonyms are penalty and punishment. Stop for a minute and let that sink in. Penalty and punishment. Who are we truly punishing by not forgiving? The other person? No, they continue to live their lives. We punish ourselves.  The Bible says in Ephesians that we should be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave us. For us to truly achieve peace in our lives, we must forgive and we must also forgive ourselves!

I have not been deeply hurt by many people throughout my life but the ones who have hurt me, have hurt me to my core. I don’t just mean people we thought were our friends who spread rumors about us, or family members who talked about us. To me, yes, those things hurt, but those are on superficial levels. Friends who do that aren’t your friends anyway and need to be removed from your life. Yes, the words sting, yes when somebody tells you what they have said about you, that hurts, but we must remind ourselves that those people were never our friends first of all, and secondly, their projecting on us what is lacking in their lives. Forgive those people so you’re not dwelling on it and effecting other relationships and move on! They’re not worth it and it’s actually sad that their lives are that shallow anyway. Forgive them, pity them and don’t let them have any effect on your life! You were meant for more and staying in that place isn’t healthy for you.

What I am talking about is the hurt that comes from people who were supposed to love us, and protect us, and be there through thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and health. You get the picture. A parent, a spouse, etc. When you are hurt from somebody who is supposed to love you unconditionally, that can scar you so deeply that you can spend years and never truly recover from that. I’m here to tell you today though, you must dig deep and somehow, someway find it in your heart to forgive those people to live the life with purpose that you were put here to live. You cannot spend your entire life giving that person any more control over your life!

The first person that hurt me like this, continues to hurt me like this, and I am struggling, thus most likely the reason I felt compelled to write on this subject today. I’m going to talk about this more in a minute, but let me talk about the second person that hurt me like this for a second. This one came in my formative years and for many years was the voice in my head and the eyes by which I saw myself. I’m not going to dwell too much on this person today, but I finally got peace over them and this was how I knew I had finally rose above that person. The day I ran into them, and they could not look me in the eyes, or put a complete sentence together, and I actually stood before them feeling pity was the day I knew I was healed from their wounds and the scars were fading away. Did I ever get the apology I needed? Not in words, but that day, I got it by actions and that was that! That person was in my past and was a distant memory. Wash your hands and throw away the towel! Done and done! Boy was that one of the most freeing days of my life! When somebody no longer effects you, you have moved on sister! I wish I could let you all feel that for just a second because if you could feel that, you would get some peace and feel so free that you would let somebody go that’s hurt you!

Now for the one I am still struggling with. Where to begin? Well, I say I forgive but then something happens and I realize I have not. Or maybe, I have forgiven but I still can’t find peace? Not sure which it is, but I realize during this holiday season that I must, must, must take the necessary steps to no longer be bound by what this person has done to me. I heard somebody say the other day to write a letter to that person, forgive them, love them, and realize they may not ever be a part of your life, and that’s okay, but to heal yourself, you may need to take that step. Maybe I will take that step and as the letter leaves the mailbox, let that symbolize letting go and being free to fly without that baggage that has worn me down for so long. You see, we cannot control other people and we may never get the true I’m sorry, some people are simply not able to say I am sorry, but do they really have to for us to forgive? No, they don’t. I believe we can find peace deep down in our soul if we try, and realize it wasn’t really about us at all, but we can make it about us by somehow finding true peace and purpose.

As we are currently in this holiday season, and as we end this year, and are getting ready to start a new year, let us find it in our hearts somewhere to forgive those people who have been controlling our lives. We were not meant to live with shackles of those memories, they’re debilitating, they cause us to lose sleep, and to live depressed lives. The can no longer control our lives! Decide this month as we spend the month of peace, joy and love to give yourself peace, joy and love and start the new year free from those shackles. You CAN live the life you deserve to live. I don’t know if you believe in God, but I know I do and he loved us so much that he died for us. Nobody has ever died for me before, that is true love. You are truly loved today by God and he forgave so forgive yourself today and love yourself  unconditionally! You are perfect and you deserve peace and freedom to the core of your being! You deserve to live a life free from hurt and pain and I hope you somehow find that!

With love for you all!

Shauna

You know that saying that what others think of you is none of your business? I love the saying, try to tell myself that, have shared it on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest etc. Let’s be real though, I don’t listen to it. I totally care what people think about me and get my feelings hurt if somebody doesn’t like me. Can I get an amen from anybody out there? Here’s the real question though, why do I even care? I think I’m a pretty friendly enjoyable person, but there are just people out there that don’t like me. You can see it on their face, whether you’re meeting them for the first time, or have known them for years, you can literally just see it on their face how they feel about you…OR…you hear it from somebody else that someone doesn’t like you. Regardless, it musters up the same feeling when you know somebody doesn’t like you and it doesn’t feel very good.

Why do we as human beings need and want to be liked so badly? Why does it matter if your friends’ friends really don’t care for you, or the fellow cheer mom, or the lady or man on the board you serve on, or the people who sit by you at church, or the receptionist at an office you frequent? The truth is, not everybody is going to like you, and that’s okay! You are not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, not everybody even likes tea so there you go! You can doctor that cup of tea up anyway you want it, but some people simply do not like tea. So quit trying to doctor yourself up to please anybody else! We simply must tell ourselves that we may not be their cup of tea and that’s okay, move on! The next person you meet may love tea!

Here’s where we lose focus, by concentrating so hard on trying to get people to like us that are not going to be in our lives, who aren’t going to help us fulfill our purpose, who are not putting food on our table, or writing our paycheck or with us long-term. One of the main reasons I believe people may not like us could quite possibly be jealousy.  If we want to be somebody else, or are jealous of what they have, sometimes, we start finding fault with that person because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Sometimes we hate people for having what we don’t, whether it’s physical, material or personality traits. I want that so it’s easy to pick that person apart because I don’t have it.

Jealousy is a dangerous thing and a dangerous place to find yourself. The Bible lists jealousy as one of the fruits of the flesh. It says in Galatians not to become conceited, provoking and envying each other. People do very dangerous things out of jealousy. Jesus was born to free us and save us and he was hated, disliked and ultimately crucified.  People were jealous of him. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been crucified so I think I must have it pretty good, and, if people hated him and he was trying to show them love and mercy and die for them, it’s to be expected that people are going to sometimes hate us for no reason.

I hope we can all find peace and stop worrying so much about what others think. The saying I started with above is so spot on. It really is none of our business what people think of is. It matters that God thinks of us, it matters what those closest to us think of us, it matters that we’re being good human beings, showing love to others, and showing kindness to others. It matters what we’re doing to help others and what we’re doing to make this world a better place. Otherwise, it really doesn’t matter and we should not be prisoners to other people’s opinions of us. Let’s not get so caught up in that to where it drives us to not really live, dictates our every mood, and stops us from fulling our destiny and living with purpose.

Take a deep breath, smile at that person who doesn’t like you, and go about your business! God has a plan for your life and sometimes that can be tripped up by people! Put your blinders up and quit worrying about whether somebody likes you or not!

With love for you all!

Shauna

Do you ever just get tired, physically worn out from dealing with other people’s drama and negativity, problems and self-pity? I mean I am all about being a good friend, a good sister, good daughter, co-worker, whatever the situation may be and being there for people, but come on, doesn’t it just wear you out sometimes? We all have issues. We all have things about our childhood we didn’t like. We have all been mistreated. We’ve all been lied about and used and abused and talked about. We’ve all been knocked down. We’ve all been hurt. I know, I have been all of those things through my life, but being around people who cannot take responsibility for their actions, who want to constantly blame others and talk about their troubles, rather than taking responsibility, and never making necessary changes to be better, just wears me out. Am I alone here??

Do I believe we should blame ourselves for all the bad things that have happened in our life? Absolutely not! But what good does it do to sit around and blame everybody else for the bad that’s happened. I can hate the people who I feel have mistreated me all day long but it’s not hurting them, it’s only hurting me. I realized a long time ago that by holding on to those grudges, I was letting them win. Why do they deserve to have that kind of control over me?

I am not perfect by any means, and trust me, I know my shortcomings. I know what I have done to contribute to the end of relationships in my life. I know all about my insecurities and I daily try to work on them. I’m not going to sit around and say poor me, look what they did to me, if I had a hand in what happened. I don’t need anybody pointing out those things sister, I know all to well what part I played, yet people refuse to see their part in anything, and instead choose to sit around and just blame others, and act like they’ve done nothing.

Trust me when I say, if you constantly sit around and complain and feel sorry for yourself and seek pity, people are going to run very quickly away from you! Life is short and people don’t want to be brought down anymore than they already are! If every time you’re with your friends you want to talk about what everybody has done to you and what is wrong with your life, my guess is your friends will stop calling.

Here’s my question though, and it’s a hard question. What are you doing to change things in your life?  Are you sitting around just constantly feeling sorry for yourself and lashing out at people, or are you taking a minute to reflect and take the measures needed for life to be better? Look in the mirror right now. That person looking back at you is literally the only person that can make changes for life to be better. You and only you have that power. I’m in no way saying it will be easy. Calling yourself out and taking responsibility is hard. It’s hard to call out what you’ve done wrong, but it’s going to take that to go from bitter to better. It’s going to be work, hard work, but how bad do you want a better life? If you’re not working hard, and you’re just sitting back hoping everything will just fall in your life because you wish it, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. We only get out of life what we give. If you’re in debt, is it the credit card companies fault? If you’re losing your house, is it the banks fault you didn’t make your payments? If you’re failing at work, is it your bosses fault? I hate to tell you, but most likely it’s not their fault, it’s yours! Blaming people is never going to change that. Stop blaming others for what is wrong in your life and turn things around! YOU have the power! And, if what is wrong in your life is other people, remove them!

For those dealing with people like this right now, and I am raising my hand  because I am, we must learn to set some boundaries so these people do not affect us. It really is okay to block people who constantly send you hateful texts. It really is okay to stop taking calls, stop taking abuse, stop listening to the negativity that others want to dish out. It’s okay to suggest that our friends get help, professional help, if needed to deal with their issues. It’s not okay to put up with the abuse these people can dish out. It does not make you a bad person to remove these people from your life and say enough is enough. I don’t care if it’s a friend, a parent, a relative, whomever it is, you can remove this toxic behavior from your life. Trust me when I say, if these people don’t help themselves, they won’t change, they will forever find fault and point fingers and blame, and never take responsibility for their actions. You will not win with these people and you should not subject yourself to it. You will simply exhaust yourself and be brought down in the process.

I will leave you with this quote:

“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. It belongs to you.” Josh Shipp

Decide right now to be better! I want people to be better, to be whole to be happy and not live a life of sadness, guilt, anger or bitterness. Decide right now to take the steps for the upcoming year to be a year of healing, no matter how hard!

With love for you all!

Shauna

For a couple of days now I have been thinking so much about being grateful and what does that mean.  We all casually say we’re thankful for things. Thankful for our spouses, thankful for our kids, thankful for our health, thankful for our jobs, and so on and so on, but are those just words that we say or are we truly grateful to where we feel if in the pit of our stomachs? Unfortunately, I think we say it a little too casually and take too many things for granted in our lives. If we were truly grateful, I believe we would live a little differently! I think we would spend more quality time with the amazing people we’re blessed to have in our lives. Hug a little longer, call a little more, drive out of our way, buy that plane ticket, send that text, just make sure those in our lives really know just how grateful we are to have them.

I set tonight in the prayer service of a dear friend and cheer mom that I have gotten to know over the past few years who is battling cancer right now.  I watched her two children sitting there and I thought she must think what if I don’t get to watch my kids grow up, what if I don’t get to attend their weddings and see my grand kids born. We so casually look at our kids and say when you go to college I will this, on your wedding day we will this, and just wait until you have kids! Just think for a moment about the quality time we miss out on with our kids because we let life or other people get in the way. Do we ever stop to think that we may not have tomorrow? Nobody is promised tomorrow. You know I almost didn’t go tonight. I was tired and cold and tried to come up with a million different reasons, but how terribly selfish of me. I sit there tonight healthy! I lost focus of that for a little bit today!

What if instead of getting up in the morning and moaning and groaning about going to work that we get up and say thank you Jesus for giving me this job at this exact moment in my life so I can provide for my family. What if instead of sleeping in and not hitting the gym we jump out of bed and say thank you Jesus that I am healthy enough to get up and go to the gym. Thank you I can see, I can hear, I can feel, I can touch, I can speak. Are  we truly thankful for those things? Do we really stop and think about the people who don’t have those things?

I don’t want to go to bed tonight without feeling, really feeling, and letting those I love know just how grateful and blessed I am. Thank you to my mom for being my rock through so much and never, ever giving up on me. Thank you to my brother for working so hard over the past 5 years and allowing me to work from home, thank you to my husband for loving me like I have never known love. Thank you to my kids for letting me be their other mom. Thank you for my amazing family that I take for granted. Thank you to my girlfriends that have been here through so much and without whom I would be lost. Thank God for peace, for strength, for loving me when I was unlovable and always providing. Thank you for my health and a sound mind. Tonight I want to go to bed with such a grateful heart that I wake up in the morning feeling like I am so truly and abundantly blessed!

It’s Thanksgiving time. What are you truly thankful for? Have you told those in your life how much they mean to you? Don’t wait until something is taken from you to realize all you have been blessed with. Do it now! Right now! Having a grateful heart every morning you get up will change your life, will change your focus, will change your goals and what you do for others. Always remember, those things you take for granted, somebody else is praying for that exact thing right now! I may not have everything I want in life, but I have everything I need and more!

Let’s take a moment tonight as we go to bed, or tomorrow as we get up and say I love you, say I’m sorry, say thank you and not have regrets and wake up someday wishing we had done things different! Do them right now!

I love you all so much and I am so grateful that you’re all along for this journey!

With love for you all!

Shauna

I recently had to order new contacts. I have an amazing eye doctor and each year, she tries to get my contacts as close to perfect as possible. This year when I ordered them and they came, I had a hard time focusing in them, and seeing anything up close. Without readers, I couldn’t see anything right in front of my face. Seeing far off, that wasn’t so much a struggle, but I couldn’t see right in front of my face. Things had become blurry. Life is like this. Last night, I was on the struggle bus. I was tired, I’m trying to learn something new, I haven’t worked out like normal, my eating hasn’t been good, my routines have been totally knocked off course, I haven’t been praying and meditating or reading or even blogging. I was beginning to lose my focus and it’s thrown me off course. As I stood up from my computer to go to bed, I looked down and saw this pad of paper my friend gave me for my birthday. It simply said when life gets blurry, adjust your focus.

Where have you lost focus in your life? Websters defines focus as this: a center of activity, focus or attention; adjustment for distinct vision. For the past few years, I have been focused on my health, thus losing 30 pounds and making my health a priority. This year I have been focused on growth and helping others and being better, which caused me to spend time reading, meditating, blogging. This year I have focused more on my relationship with God and spending more time reading the Bible, and praying. But some changes in my life caused me to lose focus on all of those things. I haven’t been working out regularly, I haven’t been reading every day, praying, meditating, blogging like I committed to do. And, this has literally been in the past two weeks. That is how quickly something in your life can cause you to lose focus. Something in your day can cause you to lose focus on something important. It doesn’t take much time.

What happens when we lose focus on our health? We gain weight, we have zero physical activity, we eat poorly, our blood pressure goes up, our cholesterol is bad, we don’t sleep, we’re lethargic, and ultimately, we can have major health issues and be on meds the rest of our lives. Obviously some people have to be on meds and they can’t control that, not what I mean here.

What happens when we don’t focus on our finances and our spending? We get into debt, we buy things we don’t need to impress people that really don’t matter. We never have anything in life to show for our hard work. We literally work to pay bills and that’s it.

What happens when we don’t focus on our relationship with God? We don’t pray, we don’t help others, love others, and we lean on ourselves, which normally doesn’t work out very well for us. We have no peace, no joy, we struggle.

Where are you in your marriage? What if we get home from work every day and we spend hours on the phones with our friends, hours on our phones or computers on social media, watching videos, playing games, and we never take a minute to actually talk to our spouse. We make girls nights more of a priority than date nights. Your focus isn’t on your marriage and then eventually when the relationship fails, we don’t understand why.

What about our kids? We literally have about 18 years with them and that’s about it. Yes, we influence them as they’re older, but not like we do when they’re growing up. Are we more interested in ourselves and our needs instead of focusing on making sure they’re successful in school, have what they need and are just overall good human beings? Do we spend more time with our friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, or anything else that takes us away from our children? Do we actually teach them anything in life that will help them? As a parent, we do have a job and a responsibility to those kids!

What about your job, or your company? Where is your focus with that? If we lose focus in this area, we become bored, tired, lazy, we’re not good employees, we’re not good bosses. Do you want to succeed for yourself and those around you?

Where is our focus? Without focus, life gets blurry. We just flounder around without any direction, just barely getting by each day. I’ve been struggling with this lately too. My focus has not been on growth or helping others, or all the amazing things I have in my life to be grateful for and it’s effecting me. I am a person who has to have some direction. I don’t do well by flying by the seat of my pants. Maybe you do, but even then you have to have some focus on something.

What is right in front of our faces that we are not seeing? The Bible says without vision the people perish. If you don’t have a clear vision of what you want and where you’re going, you will never have it and you will never get there. Hopefully today, if you have lost focus in life, on your marriage, on your kids, on your health, on loving others and making a difference, I hope this wakes you up to adjust your focus. I hope this wakes me up. Life isn’t meant to be blurry! We are meant to open our eyes to this great big world of opportunities and to be our best!

With love for you all!

Shauna

Are you one of those people that change totally knocks you off your track? I am such a creature of habit that change in my life can totally cause my train to come to a complete stop! I mean lock the brakes this train isn’t moving! I am such a creature of habit that my days could totally look the same, I get up at the same time, I go to the gym at the same time, I eat the same thing, you get the picture. Major change can shake me to the core if I let it. Change can stop me from following through on habits I have formed, and cause me to stop doing them if my schedule is interrupted, or changed in some way.

I saw a quote recently that said “Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a new chance to rebuild what you want.” So why do we fight change so bad? We fight change because it’s uncomfortable. We fight change because we’re entering the unknown and we don’t like that. We fight change because it’s scary. Something I have learned throughout my life; however, is that sometimes God has to make things uncomfortable for us to get us to move because we need to grow, and where we’re planted at that particular moment isn’t conducive to that growth.  Sometimes it has to get so uncomfortable that it forces us to make a change to something new.

Comfort makes us stay in abusive relationships. Comfort causes us to stay in a job that doesn’t fulfill us or push us forward. Comfort causes us to stay in our own little world, with the same people, and do nothing to make a difference in the world. Comfort causes us not to go on and get the education we started out to get because we think we’re too old and it will take too long. Comfort causes us to sit on the couch and not get the exercise that we need, especially as we age. Comfort causes us to never travel and see this big, beautiful world we live in.

What do you have to gain by getting out of your comfort zone and stop fearing change?? That dream job? A loving relationship that makes you better? A healthy body? New friends? That amazing company that you’ve been wanting to start? Too many stamps on your passport? A happy and exciting life? I mean the possibilities are endless, and I don’t care how old we are, or are getting, we are not too old to go out and make life what we want it. We are not too old for change! We are not too old to learn something new!

So I urge you, if something is happening in your life that is uncomfortable and is pushing you to do something, shake off those excuses and get out there and do it! If you want something bad enough, you will make it happen! This is where I found myself lately and then I was forced to make some life changes. Yes, I may have to change my schedule and find my new normal. Yes I have to learn something new and although it seems daunting at times, I will get it. Yes I may have to get up earlier to get my morning routine in and some of it may have to be done at night, but it’s okay.  I trust that all the changes that seem to be happening in and around my life are setting up greater things in my future. So, I am choosing to embrace these new changes.

What can you choose to embrace right now? Can you trust the path and trust that the change is pushing you in a positive direction? I urge you to trust that these changes are going to bring about a pretty amazing future for you! You are not too old and you deserve an amazing life so if change is what it will take to make that happen, then embrace this change!!

With love for you all!

Shauna

I just keep thinking this week about all the killings and the hate that is going on in our world lately. It’s always been here, I know, but maybe I am more aware. When I was a little girl in Sunday School we used to sing a song that said Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. No matter what their skin color, Jesus loves them all! Are we teaching this hatred at home in any form of prejudices that could be rubbing off on our kids? Are they learning this somehow in school not to be tolerant? Is society teaching them that whatever the color of their skin or whatever the religious beliefs that they are somehow superior over the next person?

My brother is gay, my brother in law is Indian, my sister in law is African American, I have many Jewish friends, Indian friends, Caucasian friends, Asian friends, Christian friends, straight friends, gay friends, and so forth. I love my family and friends more than anything in the world! The Bible says in Romans 12:21 “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” God is love. God is not a God of hate. I don’t care what color your skin is, what your sexual orientation is, what your religion is, if you are kind and friendly to me, I will be kind and friendly to you, but we all have to reciprocate that and try hard to live that way. I don’t hate anybody! I’m not better than anybody! It’s only by God’s grace that I have what I have anyway.  You don’t have to agree with your neighbor to show them love and to be kind to them. What would happen if we all strove to work together, despite religious beliefs, political beliefs or anything else we disagree about? What would happen?

God showed kindness, and just to point something out here, God was a Jew! Side note on that, but in the Bible, the people brought an adulterous woman before God and said she should be stoned to death. Do you know what God said? He without sin, cast the first stone. Her accusers all left. I doubt there are any among us without sin yet we spend so much time judging and hating others! The Bible also says we should love our neighbors like we love ourselves. Now that’s an interesting thing to think about.

Hate can be driven out with love but we have to truly practice love. Not spend so much time pointing out each other’s differences or trying to prove anything about ourselves. Knock that chip off our shoulders and truly love the world! Stand united against the evils of this world, feed the hungry, help the poor, help the sick, just help our brothers and our sisters. Can we make a difference? You bet we can, but not divided. Nothing will be accomplished if we are divided! If you have been blessed in life, help those less fortunate, if you are intelligent, help those who may not be as intelligent, if you have food, donate food to those who don’t have any, if you’re healthy, find a way to give back to those who aren’t. Let’s bind together and be a light in this dark world!

I may not have all the wealth in the world, but I am healthy so I give blood. I have food so we give money to a food bank on all the major holidays to help others. I can change a light bulb or clean a window or anything else needed for my neighbors who can no longer do those things. No matter where you are in life, you have somebody you can make a difference for. I urge you to look around and see where you can make a difference! Your life will be blessed in the process and you will have made a difference and left a legacy! Try something for me today. Wherever you go, whoever you see, try smiling at every single person and see what happens! I promise you, you will make somebody’s day better!

With love for you all!

Shauna

Sometimes we run ourselves ragged trying to be and do what everyone else needs. What do WE need? What do WE want? I love to cook, I love a clean and organized house, and I love working! I can’t stand sitting still, I get bored. So lets be honest, my ideal live would be a cross between June Cleaver, Betty Crocker and today’s working woman with the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas off work! I want to be all of those things so I think subconsciously that is what I have strove to be, and guess what…I’m not sure you can be perfect at all of those things at all times.

We’re putting too much stress on ourselves trying to be perfect all the time! I love to set an amazing table and to throw an awesome party, and I’m pretty good at it, but I haven’t figured out how to accomplish that and still look like a supermodel by the time the guests arrived! Nobody else put that pressure on me, except maybe society and TV and Pinterest and fake reality TV! Why do we compare ourselves against those shows that are the best parts of these people’s lives that they’re portraying with their drivers, cooks, housekeepers, nannies, hairstylist, makeup artist and personal assistants. And Pinterest, I mean come on, how much of your stuff looks like that when you try it!?!?! But the pressure is on us to look like a supermodel, cook like a chef, clean like a housekeeper, show up for every single thing our kids are involved in, bake for the bake sale, participate in every single fundraiser, take care of our husbands, be an amazing friend AND work 40 hours a week! What in the world!?!? Where did this idea of a perfect life come from? And, here’s my problem…the word NO is unfortunately not in my vocabulary. It’s becoming more and more apparent to me. So many people depend on me for so much and I have let that happen! I’m organized, I keep a schedule, I know what’s going on and take care of everybody. Yes, part of that is my personality, no question, but part of that is basically letting myself be a doormat at times!

This hit home recently for me and I have decided that for my own sanity, I have to start being more aware and taking care of myself. A family member asked me to do something, and I really didn’t want to do it, but couldn’t say no either. I asked my husband to do it and take one for the team. I pointed out just how many times over the past 10 years that I have taken one for the team for my family and his as well. You know what though?? He said no, and didn’t have a hard time saying no either. I just couldn’t believe he wasn’t willing to give like I always do, but he didn’t and he didn’t feel a bit bad about it. The entire time I was doing what I didn’t want to do, I was thinking how I do so much for so many people and for once, it would be great if somebody could do it in return for me. I began to get a little bitter about it.

Why is it that it’s so easy for others to say no but I struggle with that? I show up for my husband, kids, family, friends at times when I really didn’t want to do, or go where they were asking me to go, or do what they’re asking me to do. I just wanted to say no, but I CAN’T! Repeat after me, I CAN SAY NO AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE! For real!?! But they might and things might not turn out right I tell myself!

Here’s what I am trying to learn and start realizing. It is a necessity for me to first take care of myself and then I can give to others, and it’s also okay for me to say no sometimes if I really don’t want to. My friends and family should understand that and if they don’t, oh well! Let’s stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to do perfect, to make everybody else happy and be superwoman! Life is short, way too short to live tired and stressed all the time trying to be what everybody else needs! There is a way to have some balance, not all the time, life happens, but you can say no to things that take that balance away from you! People will survive, they will go on, your family and friends won’t die and you will THRIVE!!!

It’s also okay to remove yourself from friends who suck the life out of you, or just bring you down! I am a good listener but sometimes when people are like a broken record all the time with their problems I just can’t do it! We all need our friends and it’s not always going to be all fun and games, sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on, or somebody to just tell us it’s going to be okay, but if you have friends who suck more of your energy than the good they are feeding you, maybe you should think twice about that friendship. If that friendship starts effecting your marriage, or your kids or other relationships, move on sister, that person needs more of you than you need to be willing to give!

Stop trying to be what everybody else needs! Be what you need and start doing what makes you happy! I want to do it all, maybe not do it all perfectly, but do it all while also being happy and not stressed in the process! Let’s change the picture of what the perfect woman looks like and rejoice in her!

With love for you all!

Shauna

Have you ever been guilty of asking why is this happening to me? I have, and sometimes it’s daily. Why did my car get broken into, why did I get a flat tire, why was I in this wreck, why did my love one pass away, why am I broke, why does my boss hate me, and on and on and on. We as humans spend so much time asking why that we don’t stop to see the big picture most of the time. We don’t stop to think that maybe that flat tire kept us from a dangerous wreck that happened just minutes down the street. Maybe our boss treating us like that is pushing us to try something new. Maybe there’s something that we’ve been desperately wanting to do, but because of the safety of our job, we didn’t. Maybe that annoying cough we’ve been having will make us finally go see a doctor, and they find something that saves our life. Maybe the loved one we lost was hurting so badly that staying here on earth meant living in pain, and now their pain is gone. I am in no way saying all bad things that happen to us can be justified as a positive thing. I’m not saying that at all, but in these day to day annoyances to us, I think if we change our focus, we might just be able to see that what happened to us could be to our benefit, rather than spending our days grumbling over what happened to us.

This blog today won’t apply to everybody, and again, please know I am in no way discarding horrible things like sickness and death. I wish I could better understand why these things happen to us, but those are not the things I speak of today. Today I want us to wake up and realize that each day  brings different things to us all, but they don’t have to knock us off course and cause our entire day to be ruined.

I have a little secret for you. Things do not just happen to you! Things happen to us all! Maybe it’s time to turn our words around and stop walking around asking why is this happening to me, and start calling in good things into our lives! Start calling in victory, start calling in joy, start calling in good breaks! Stop walking around using negative words and a negative attitude! Do you know that you cannot impact other people or help anybody when you’re walking around depressed and feeling like the world is against you? That’s what the devil wants to do to us! If he can get us first thing in the morning, he can effect our attitude for the entire day! Don’t let him!! You’re better than that! You were made for more!!!

I am preaching to the choir here!! One little thing in my morning has had the ability to almost ruin my entire day. In recent months as I become more aware of these little things, I am seeing a shift in not only my attitude, but my outlook on life and my ability to see life for not only what it really is, but for how great it can be! I try to start out each day with first prayer, then mediation, some affirmations and then my workout. I try to end my day reading and thanking God for the day he gave me. You will find what works for you, but I urge you to find something throughout your day and in those times of annoyances, stop, take a minute, turn around your thoughts and just have faith! I cannot wait to hear from some of you about how this is changing your life, as it has begun changing mine!

With love for you all!

Shauna

I have been writing my  blogs on Tuesdays and Thursdays each week, but today, I feel very strongly that I am supposed to write today on the subject I am about to touch on. My journey with these blogs started out with my desire to help other women and men dealing with fertility issues; however, until this morning, I have not felt led to talk about it. Even though I am beyond this, the subject is still a very raw and an emotional subject for me to address.

My journey with fertility began in 2002. Although I have always had a rough time with female issues, I never dreamed they would cause me to never birth a child. The thought that I couldn’t do that never ever crossed my mind. I have a huge family and having babies just happens right? Not for everybody! I tried and tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant. When I couldn’t, they began running tests on me. The first few things they did came back normal and I was even told, this could do it, this could be the push you need. Every time I believed this was it! This was THE procedure that would make it happen! Every time to be let down. Finally after seeing a specialist out-of-town, they sent me straight to surgery and discovered that I was covered with endometriosis. They felt like they were able to get it all, and said let’s start trying to make this happen. I began having to give myself shots in my stomach, take all kinds of tests and make several trips out of town. At my first attempt at artificial insemination, I just knew, although the odds were against it happening the first time, that it was going to happen for me. My faith was so strong that I had purchased a complete set of baby furniture and I had clothes for days put away for this little baby. Needless to say attempt #1 did not happen so we start on attempt #2; however, the medications had over stimulated my ovaries so they could not try that month. It could have been detrimental to me. Back on birth control pills I go, to get rid of cysts that had filled my insides.  By this time, I had put on about 30 pounds and had begun to deal with severe depression.  I remember thinking everybody in my life would just be better off with me dead. I had never dealt with such depression in my life. I felt like the thing God had put me on this earth to do, I could not do, and I felt like half a woman. Every time one of my cousin’s would get pregnant, I would put a smile on my face and then go home and fall apart.

Driving to my parents house one night after work I literally heard God say you are taking matters in your own hands. I knew at that instant that I could not continue doing this to myself. I went home that night and told my then husband that I had to stop, I couldn’t do it anymore. That very night, his ex-wife called to say she was pregnant. Can I just tell you that I felt like somebody had punched me in the gut. What a cruel joke was being played on me, as I set and raised her kids. Something snapped inside me that day and I would never be the same after that.

After divorcing and remarrying, I wanted to try one more time with my current husband. He was such a gem through it all. He had two kids and was satisfied with that, but tried for me. This time I only tried one procedure and just like everything else, nothing with the procedure worked on me like it was supposed to. That was all I needed to just be done. Throughout this whole ordeal, I have had 3 surgeries and countless other procedures, not to mention the mental stress and the weight gain and what that all had done.

You can feel sorry for yourself all day long, and trust me, for years I did, but what does that solve? I have asked why so many women could have kids and they didn’t take care of them. I have asked why I could help raise other people’s kids but not my own. I’m not sure there’s a feeling and a question that I haven’t asked God. I am not a selfish person at all, but I did turn this to be all about me. I became the victim. Why me was often a question that I asked while looking at other women with their kids. What finally helped me was reading a story from a cancer survivor. She said she began asking why me when she was diagnosed but she finally realized, why not me? I’m no better than anybody else. In that moment, I realized I am not better than any other woman. Is it fair for other women to not be able to have kids but it’s not fair for me? The answer is no! Hannah in the Bible wanted a child so bad, and do you know what she dealt with? Her husband had another wife who was able to have children. Back in that day, it was seen as shameful to not be able to have kids, and you were seen as something being wrong with you. How devastating. You see, people have been dealing with this for hundreds of years. And while life doesn’t always seem fair, you have to trust that there is a purpose in your pain.

Here’s the lesson that took me years to learn with this. First, nothing is wrong with me, and I’m no lesser a person because I couldn’t bear children. Second, just because I wasn’t blessed with a biological child of my own doesn’t mean I wasn’t blessed with children. They just came a different way to me. Sometimes they come in different ways than we think they should.  God brought me step kids. Maybe he brought you foster kids, or adopted kids, or the neighbor kids who adore you, or nieces and nephews who adore you. I had to change my focus and realize that not being a biological mother did not define me. I am Shauna, I am wife, I am sister, I am daughter, I am friend, I am step-mom, I am many things, but I am not Shauna the woman who couldn’t have a baby! Nothing is wrong with me, my path is just different from what it looked as a teenager dreaming of a family some day. Yes, I wanted the husband, 2 kids, and the white picket fence and you know what? I got all of that and more!

My prayer for anybody dealing with this is that you try to focus on being grateful for the many things you do have in your life and not the one thing you don’t have. Somebody right now is looking at you wishing they had what you have! There is a purpose and there is a plan and you are amazing, just like you are!! YOU are not a lesser person! Get help and get help for your marriage if it’s causing issues for you and your spouse! Your life can be happy and peaceful, that I promise, and that I am living proof of!

With love for you all!

Shauna