Dealing with Loss

This is a blog I never wanted to write. I know some people have dealt with a great deal of death, but fortunately, I have not had a great deal of it in my life. I don’t take that lightly at all! I see the blessing in that statement! I wish I wasn’t writing on this subject, but here I am writing about it. Six month ago I lost my papaw. Tuesday I lost my father suddenly, and Friday, I lost an ally. I lost my father in law. While I thought 2020 was bad, 2021 must go out with a bang, and prove to be even harder.

I sit here tonight, yet another night of not being able to sleep. I am thinking about these three men who were taken. Two within a few days of one another. I am tired, and I know the days ahead may get worse before they get better. I am going to be grateful and attempt to see some positive in this season. I will pick up the pieces of what they all three instilled in me and be better!

They always say death comes in threes. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that three men were taken out of my life in such a short period of time. One I had a hard relationship with, yet he still taught me so much! As I sit here thinking about what I learned from them all, I must see the blessings in having them all in my life. If I choose to focus on any bad there may have been, it will only bring bitterness that I refuse to take on.

My Papaw was a hard man, but lived his convictions. I had the blessing of traveling with him a great deal. Being the eldest grand child, I had a different relationship with him. The biggest trait I inherited from my papaw is the importance of preparation before you address people, and research. We both shared the love of schedules as well, and the burden of leading people. He left me his Franklin Covey day timer. I loved my papaw, he was the only one I knew. My papaw had a deep desire to help people and that was honorable.

I had a challenging relationship with my father. I wish things had been different, but I realize I couldn’t control that. I learned the value of hard work from my father! I inherited his outgoing personality and his incredible ability to connect with people. Because of him, I met some pretty amazing people and had some amazing experiences. From watching him I had a strong desire to heal and grow and rise above my past. I wish he could have done that for himself. No matter how difficult things were, I still loved my dad and tried up until the day before he died to be there for him. My dad had years of pain that he was never able to heal and I find that so incredibly sad! Without taking on your pain dad, I will go be better and leave the world a better place in your honor.

My father in law, well, you see, Keith and I were the “steps” in the family. He was my husband’s step-dad. Keith and I had a kindred spirit. He was always willing to listen, understand, see my tears flow, and then say a wise-crack to make me laugh. Keith was caring, giving, funny, but above all things he cared about us all. Keith and I shared in the fact that we never had biological children of our own and understood each other. He taught me about gardening, and this year we had big plans. He was going to help me grow my tomato seeds. He would sometimes come out to the garden knowing I was hot and tired and help me pick beans. Oh geez he would say! That’s our favorite Keith saying. We would talk health and exercise and he’d tell me about a show I needed to watch about what was in our food. I would tell him that was gross and I couldn’t, and he would tell me I needed to. I hope you know that I loved you and thought you were the best father-in-law anyone could have. It is my hope the kids brought you joy, and that you knew they were all four your grandkids!

I know you all feel like you’re listening in about my family, but I do have a point for you. First, we are not promised tomorrow and I hope if you have relationships that need to heal, or words that need to be spoken, you get that done now! Don’t live life with regrets! Secondly, be thankful for and enjoy the amazing people in your life right now! Don’t take people for granted! Don’t spend time arguing! It’s not worth it! Spend time and money on making memories and visiting family more, not buying things that will not matter when you’re gone. If anything this has taught me things do not matter! That is the lesson I am taking from all of this! I am hopeful I shared something that strikes a chord with you as well if you need to make some changes or heal some relationships. Time is short! Don’t wait!

With love for you all,

Shauna