As I set thinking about the fact that my book is just about ready to launch, I began thinking about what expectations I have about this book. As much as I have tried not to have expectations about it at all, that would be a lie to say I have none. It’s more excitement, and hope that somebody will be helped by it, but it’s also hard not to have expectations on something you have poured your heart and soul into for so long. That being said, I have had to work really hard to lose any expectations on the book. Some may think it’s fantastic, some may think it stinks, and some may think I’m a terrible writer yet still find some joy in reading it. What did I hope to gain by writing this book? My hope is that just one person is helped, and that has helped me to lose any expectations whatsoever. Having expectations will only lead to some heartache if they’re not met. We literally set ourselves up to be hurt.
As humans, I believe we’re all guilty of having expectations. Anticipation and expectations about certain things can somewhat give us hope and excitement; however, it can also bring disappointment when it doesn’t turn out like we thought it would. I have to say that I personally really struggle with this, and it’s something that I have to constantly work on. I’m guilty of expecting people to do and give like I feel I do, and when the don’t, I find myself so disappointed. What I have come to realize is that thinking like this is actually incredibly selfish on my part. We should always give with no expectations to receive. For it is so much better to give than receive!
Let’s think about expectations on the job. We hire what we think are fantastic new employees that are going to do great things for our company. We hire them with the expectation of them to do those things, but do we invest in their growth, their knowledge, their skills? Do we invest in them at all? Do we cheer them on in the background and give them every available tool that they need to succeed? Or do we simply sit them in the chair in front of a computer program, give them a phone and a desk and expect them to learn everything on their own and be successful? If we don’t invest in them, and in their skills, and in their growth, it’s not fair to expect things out of them. If we’re not helping them in any way we can to succeed, we are setting them up for failure, and then when we want to let them go, we don’t realize our part in the failure.
What about our kids? Do we see that they have a natural talent in a sport or a hobby, and simply sign them up, and expect that only going to practice is going to help them grow those skills, and grow that natural ability? If we don’t invest in making sure that they have some extra help in building those skills, they are only going to be so good, they may never live up to their potential. They may never sharpen that talent if we don’t get them the extra training needed to be better. You can expect them to get better if your pouring into their success, but you can’t expect them to get better if you’re not.What about in school? Do we help our kids? Do we get them a tutor if they’re slightly struggling in the subject? Or again, do we just send them to school and hope that they succeed, and expect the teachers to give them everything they need to grow, to expand their capacity and potential. What about expecting them to be decent human beings? Are you modeling that for them?
What about you? Do you want to have growth in your life to expand your potential? Do you put expectations on yourself? If you do, what are you doing about it? Are you reading books, listening to podcasts, signing up for seminars or meeting other people to help you grow? If not, you can set expectations all day long, but you are simply not going to grow!
I think one big area where we have expectations is with our faith, and our God. When we need healing in our bodies, we just expect him to heal us. When we’re struggling in our finances, we expect him to just provide. When we have other problems, we just expect God to fix them for us. But what are we doing in return? If we’re struggling in our finances, are we helping other people, helping feed the poor, or a friend or neighbor that we know is in need? If somethings wrong with our physical body, are we taking measures to do the things that we can do? Are you as healthy as you can be on your own? Or do you have high blood pressure but you’re constantly eating everything with salt so it makes it worse? The point I’m trying to make is we still have to do our part. You can have strong faith all day long, but it still takes some action on our part as well!
The whole point that I am trying to make is this. We set ourself up for failure when we expect things from other people, or even ourselves, but we aren’t willing to do anything about it. We expect our friends to not gossip and talk about us, but yet we talk about them. We expect others to help us, but we are not helping somebody else and helping meet their needs. We expect to have a healthy body, but continually feed it full of junk. We expect the promotions at work, but we are doing nothing to sharpen our skills on that job. We expect our kids to show up on time and be responsible people, but we are not showing them that example. We expect our spouses to show us love and respect, yet we are always digging at them for things they do wrong, or pointing out every single flaw we feel they have.
So let me ask you today, who and where are you putting expectations on that you need to realize you need to do more in that area? Or some areas where you need to let go of expectations for your own peace of mind? I will never forget early on in my marriage something that happened along these lines. I told my husband of something I was going to do for a particular holiday. His response to me was that he supported me, and I could do that, but only on one condition. That one condition was that I could never expect that same thing to ever be returned to me from those people. I didn’t intentionally have expectations that it would be returned, but deep down I thought for sure they would want to return something similar down the road for me. So just like my husband told me, it never happened, it was never returned to me, and I got my feelings hurt. You see, I set myself up for that heartache. We all do it from time to time! Here is the thing though, people are always going to let us down at some point in life. Our spouses will disappoint us. Our friends will let us down. Our kids will forget us on Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day, or a birthday. Our bosses will let us down too. It’s life, and we will let people down as well, no matter how hard we try. To be in a healthier frame of mind, we have to get to a place where we realize that people in life will let us down, we have to lose those expectations, and just keep working hard in our relationships. We have to keep working hard in all areas of life, and know, and appreciate the good things in our lives! Instead of focusing on the people who have let us down and hurt us, let’s try focusing more on gratitude, and all the wonderful things that we do have in our lives! A gratitude practice will go along way in relieving some of this anxiety, pressures and hurt. Lose the expectations! Be grateful more and have expectations less! We are all humans! I think if we do this, we might find we are living more of a peaceful and purposeful life! If you find yourself setting expectations on other people, be humble enough to look inward and see your part. It’s okay if you have to apologize, ask them to forgive you, and change. Do you think your life will drastically change as well? I think it will! Give it a try!
With love for you all,
Shauna
Shauna's Sisters 