Can you BELIEVE?

As I sit here writing, yet again finding myself in the middle of another trial in 2019, I don’t even know where to start today. My head is in a million different places and focus is a struggle! I laid on the couch at 1 a.m. Saturday morning struggling with my faith, and my eyes were drawn to a sign that sits in front of my TV. It simply reads BELIEVE. All I could do in that moment was look up to the sky and say God, I don’t know if I can believe anymore. Ever been there? I am a woman of faith. I was raised by a woman of faith and over the years faith is all that’s gotten me through, but this time, I am tired and I am struggling with my faith. Maybe you have never been there, but I am being honest and transparent like I always am.

I have dealt with disappointment in life. Dealing with divorce, infertility, false accusations, but this years events have shaken me to my core. I wish I was stronger, I wish things rolled off my back, but for some reason this year, I have not been very strong! This year it seems it has been cutting words and let down by people that I love and who I thought loved me, and yet, it’s been words that have cut to the bottom of my heart!  I am not perfect, far from it, I have made so many mistakes in my life, but I always thought I had the biggest heart and genuinely helped everyone around me, but apparently that’s not been the case. Ever been accused of such things when you thought you were being everything to everybody?

I don’t know your beliefs, but throughout the Bible there are trials and mistreatment and disappointment and yet God always used those things for good somehow. That’s actually how my blog started in the first place. I had this real desire and yearning in my soul to help other people deal with the things in life that I have endured, but honestly, this past weekend, I literally almost deleted all of my writings because I felt like a failure. I know for a fact that my blogs have helped people, and instead of believing that this trial too has a purpose, I almost let it stop me in its entirety! So if I had let this stop me, who might I have missed at helping? Who might need a word the exact day I wrote a blog that lifted them up, and let them know that no matter what life was trying to throw their way, they too could make it? What if because I didn’t write something, I didn’t save a life?

Let me tell you about receiving a word of hope when you need it! I reached out to two friends for words of wisdom and listen what I received. Remember earlier I said I was struggling to believe? I received a text back telling me God wanted to see my faith and that I had to BELIEVE! Funny how that works! I tell God I’m struggling to believe and I get a text that I must believe. I didn’t tell that person I was struggling to believe either! I tell you that to say, don’t let life’s trials stop you! Somebody needs you to believe you’re going to make it! Somebody needs you to believe there is still good and a life to be lived! Somebody needs you to keep the faith! I don’t know what you’re going through today, but like me, you will survive! Like me, you have a purpose in this life and if we just let these trials make us stronger, the hurt can be healed! I have thought of Joseph from the Bible today.  If you don’t know the story of Joseph, search it out. Search out the trials he went through and how God turned it around in the end! My trials seem so small in comparison to what he endured, yet the way his life ended was amazing.

I hope today that I have encouraged you to BELIEVE! People’s words don’t mean you’re not amazing! People’s words don’t mean you’re not helping somebody! Don’t listen to the critics! Listen to those who believe in you and uplift you! I will end with one last story! I received a message out of the blue recently from an old boss/friend of mine. He told me of somebody who had impacted his life a decade ago. Somebody who had an integral part of him blossoming his love for God. Somebody he said was loved and appreciated by many.  Somebody who was confident, who was everybody’s friend and whose love for God was contagious. You know who he was talking about? Me! Little did I ever know that I had impacted his life so many years ago so keep being strong! You don’t know who is watching you and who needs what you have! Just keep believing in yourself and the light you can be to somebody! Make the decision today to BELIEVE! You will make it through stronger and your failures can be turned for good!

With love for you all,

Shauna