Where have you been living?

I pose this question to me because I have been posing it to myself all morning long. Where have you been living? Have you been living with fear, pain from the past, buried in debt, hurt over past relationships, hurt over your childhood, broken? Or, have you been living with peace, joy, with grace and mercy for yourself and full of life? I can tell you the answer to that questions would not be the ladder for me. I realize I have been living the majority of my adult life grieving and making excuses. If you’re in a great place in your life and you have dealt with these issues I applaud you, and hope you keep doing what you’re doing!!

I myself have been living, if you want to call it living, with pain from my childhood, pain from abusive relationships, pain of being divorced twice, pain of never being able to have my own child, pain of no self love, pain of criticism and judgment. Many of the choices I have made in my life have been to fill voids. Void of not having a present father, who abused my mother and was there for other people’s kids but not us. Void of having a male figure form the type of men I would choose and who loved me unconditionally. Void of no kids. A void of judgment. A void of being told I was stupid and fat. A void of listening to those things and judging myself, not loving myself. Sound familiar?

I am learning today that I need to let go of all of that trauma and all of those excuses. I have to hit the reset button and in doing so I need to forgive. Starting with forgiving myself. Myself!? I have so much forgiving and letting go that I need to do. So much hurt and guilt I have been carrying around for years that I need to let go of! I must forgive, not be filled with hate and be set free. How can I show compassion for other people and not myself, but I don’t show compassion for myself. I show no mercy for myself.

I am so tired of always just picking up the pieces of my life. I am going no where and quick! I don’t have to figure it all out! I must just take one day at a time. One foot in front of the other and enjoy the process. I want freedom! I want to do what I was meant to do on this earth! I must stop being dictated by my ego. I heard a statement from Dani Johnson that said this “Ego cares about pleasing other people and keeping you stuck.” My ego has defended and justified until I’m blue in the face! I  must choose to no longer live there!

So I ask you the same question today that I am asking myself. Where are you living? Where are you going? Do you know? If not, take some time, hit reset and figure it out. That’s exactly what I am planning to do and I’m excited to see where I end up! Life is too short to live anywhere other than full of peace and joy and happiness! That’s the legacy I hope to leave someday when I leave this earth.

With love for you all!

Shauna