Do you ever feel that you’re walking through life, life’s going pretty well for you, you’re loved, you’re happy, you have a great job, a family that loves you and then BAM! You’re knocked right down on your behind, and for years sometimes, and you just feel like you’re crawling and helpless and you can’t get out of this dark tunnel you seem to be crawling in? Or maybe flying away on a jet plane and never coming back sounds like the best idea you’ve ever heard? As I sit here writing, a jet literally just flew over my house and for a split second, I thought I wish I was on that jet, and I don’t even care where it’s going, just take me and never bring me back! I’ve talked before about seasons and I know all about seasons of life, but man this season I am in seems like it’s lasting forever, and honestly, I am kind of tired! Just be over already! Just tell me what I’m supposed to be learning NOW and let’s move on!
I trust God’s timing and his purpose for my life, I really do, but this trial seems to be lasting for eternity, not getting over at all, and things just keep happening! I have always been accused of being hard headed, but wowzer! (I know that’s not a word, but it’s my word) I am trying to be Shauna Sunshine here, but can the real sunshine please just come out!?
Trust me when I tell you, I am trying. I am reading books like Why Is This Happening to Me? I am reading and finding that I am in fact co-dependent. Never even heard that word before, but yep, sure enough, turns out, I am in fact co-dependent! I mean classic case, the research papers were written about me! I say all of that to say, I really am trying! I am reading, listening, studying, mediating, and doing everything in my power to hurry this little ride I’m on along a little bit faster, begging it to please get out of the station and soon! No matter what I do though, it seems I take two steps forward and two steps back. I’m high and then I’m low. I’m working out and then I’m not. I’m eating well, and then I’m not. What in the world is happening to me!? Am I alone here??
Do you seem to be knocked down by life right now? Does it seem no matter which way you turn, it’s wrong? No matter what you say, it’s wrong? No matter what decision you make, it’s wrong? Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like the world is against you and you’re standing there in the middle of this great big dessert looking around alone? You’re hot, you’re tired, you’re thirsty and just wish for a minute to see water? Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but what if, just for a minute you turn around and literally right behind you, what you’re not seeing is vast sandy beaches with water as far as the eyes can see! You’re only parched because you have chosen to be. All along, the water was right there waiting on you! Maybe all along, it’s been what you have chosen to see, not what really was?
I don’t know about you, but I think where I’ve been for far too long was worried about everybody else’s opinion of me, opinion of my choices, fear of hurting people, fear of it being wrong to take care of me that has driven me. What I am realizing is that I have let myself be paralyzed by people. Paralyzed by fear of what people will say instead of realizing that I have a pretty good group of cheerleaders behind me that don’t care if I fall down or mess up, they love me, and they see my potential and see my desire to live out my purpose. They know my heart! Why don’t you look around today and instead of fearing rejection, and feeling like you’re alone in that dessert, find those people in your life who accept you, for the good, bad and ugly and want you to sore, applaud your victories, encourage you, don’t judge you, are the positive voice that you need to hear each day! Weed out those poisonous people that have no place in your life and be strong enough to know that they have no place in your life! Here’s the thing, we’re not alone. No matter how hard life is sometimes, we are never truly alone! Maybe you’re not lucky enough to have real genuine friends and family in your life who is there for you no matter what, but God loves us no matter what. Whatever he is allowing to happen in our lives right now will eventually turn out for our good and of this, I must remind myself of daily!
You see the fish in this picture above? Think about this fish when you feel like giving up and just keep swimming! Swim like your life depends on it. Swim toward those people who will uplift you, raise you higher and cause you to some day see that with test, there will be a great testimony!
With love for you all,
Shauna
Shauna's Sisters 