What does it mean to you when I say the word forgiveness? Forgiveness is a word thrown around and rarely meant to the deep level that we need to forgive. Websters simply says it is the act of forgiving but listen to some synonyms for forgiveness: amnesty, pardon, absolution. Some antonyms are penalty and punishment. Stop for a minute and let that sink in. Penalty and punishment. Who are we truly punishing by not forgiving? The other person? No, they continue to live their lives. We punish ourselves. The Bible says in Ephesians that we should be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave us. For us to truly achieve peace in our lives, we must forgive and we must also forgive ourselves!
I have not been deeply hurt by many people throughout my life but the ones who have hurt me, have hurt me to my core. I don’t just mean people we thought were our friends who spread rumors about us, or family members who talked about us. To me, yes, those things hurt, but those are on superficial levels. Friends who do that aren’t your friends anyway and need to be removed from your life. Yes, the words sting, yes when somebody tells you what they have said about you, that hurts, but we must remind ourselves that those people were never our friends first of all, and secondly, their projecting on us what is lacking in their lives. Forgive those people so you’re not dwelling on it and effecting other relationships and move on! They’re not worth it and it’s actually sad that their lives are that shallow anyway. Forgive them, pity them and don’t let them have any effect on your life! You were meant for more and staying in that place isn’t healthy for you.
What I am talking about is the hurt that comes from people who were supposed to love us, and protect us, and be there through thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and health. You get the picture. A parent, a spouse, etc. When you are hurt from somebody who is supposed to love you unconditionally, that can scar you so deeply that you can spend years and never truly recover from that. I’m here to tell you today though, you must dig deep and somehow, someway find it in your heart to forgive those people to live the life with purpose that you were put here to live. You cannot spend your entire life giving that person any more control over your life!
The first person that hurt me like this, continues to hurt me like this, and I am struggling, thus most likely the reason I felt compelled to write on this subject today. I’m going to talk about this more in a minute, but let me talk about the second person that hurt me like this for a second. This one came in my formative years and for many years was the voice in my head and the eyes by which I saw myself. I’m not going to dwell too much on this person today, but I finally got peace over them and this was how I knew I had finally rose above that person. The day I ran into them, and they could not look me in the eyes, or put a complete sentence together, and I actually stood before them feeling pity was the day I knew I was healed from their wounds and the scars were fading away. Did I ever get the apology I needed? Not in words, but that day, I got it by actions and that was that! That person was in my past and was a distant memory. Wash your hands and throw away the towel! Done and done! Boy was that one of the most freeing days of my life! When somebody no longer effects you, you have moved on sister! I wish I could let you all feel that for just a second because if you could feel that, you would get some peace and feel so free that you would let somebody go that’s hurt you!
Now for the one I am still struggling with. Where to begin? Well, I say I forgive but then something happens and I realize I have not. Or maybe, I have forgiven but I still can’t find peace? Not sure which it is, but I realize during this holiday season that I must, must, must take the necessary steps to no longer be bound by what this person has done to me. I heard somebody say the other day to write a letter to that person, forgive them, love them, and realize they may not ever be a part of your life, and that’s okay, but to heal yourself, you may need to take that step. Maybe I will take that step and as the letter leaves the mailbox, let that symbolize letting go and being free to fly without that baggage that has worn me down for so long. You see, we cannot control other people and we may never get the true I’m sorry, some people are simply not able to say I am sorry, but do they really have to for us to forgive? No, they don’t. I believe we can find peace deep down in our soul if we try, and realize it wasn’t really about us at all, but we can make it about us by somehow finding true peace and purpose.
As we are currently in this holiday season, and as we end this year, and are getting ready to start a new year, let us find it in our hearts somewhere to forgive those people who have been controlling our lives. We were not meant to live with shackles of those memories, they’re debilitating, they cause us to lose sleep, and to live depressed lives. The can no longer control our lives! Decide this month as we spend the month of peace, joy and love to give yourself peace, joy and love and start the new year free from those shackles. You CAN live the life you deserve to live. I don’t know if you believe in God, but I know I do and he loved us so much that he died for us. Nobody has ever died for me before, that is true love. You are truly loved today by God and he forgave so forgive yourself today and love yourself unconditionally! You are perfect and you deserve peace and freedom to the core of your being! You deserve to live a life free from hurt and pain and I hope you somehow find that!
With love for you all!
Shauna
Shauna's Sisters 